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Mirror Magazine

Your guide to a happy holiday
By Roo
So you are going on holiday? Ah. Wonderful, is it not? After days and months of hard labour, you now have the opportunity to let yourself go and spend four to five days completely occupied with satisfying your inner self.

There are very few of us who can take three or four days off on a whim. You've got to first decide where you'd like to go, whom you'd like to go with, what you would like to do and most importantly, ask for leave months in advance.

Going on holiday is no longer an everyday affair; it's a planned journey. After years of travelling with numerous types of human beings, I proudly present 'A Roosome Guide to the Wonderful World of Travel'.

Get the other members of your travel bunch to sort out their free days well in advance. This cannot constitute a problem since we are citizens of a country where public holidays run in abundance. Take a look at the calendar, a long weekend is sure to stare back at you. Then inform the others of your plans and you are ready to go.

Leave excessively early. (Or inform the others that your departure time is set at an ungodly hour such as 3:00 a.m.) This will guarantee that the group would leave the gates of their homes at approximately 7:00 a.m. However much you plan, last minute details take a lot of time and energy. (That is a fact)

It is vital that the gas is checked just before departure. This is an unwritten rule. The more mature females of the group will undoubtedly remember that the gas was still on when you left the premises. It is all the more advisable to take a photograph of the gas being switched off which includes both date and time. This will save petrol, time and the mature male temper.

Once the journey has begun, make sure that there are enough supplies to feed an army. Assorted peanuts, biscuits and melted chocolate usually does the trick. These should be rationed and offered at regular intervals so as not to encourage backseat wars. (Backseat wars are futile attempts at gaining the enemy's rations and take place between previously friendly relations)

Personal possessions are of vast importance. Always carry your very own set of earplugs. If this is not available, cotton wool is as effective. Conversations beginning with "Now when we were young," usually take place during the journey and the earplugs are sure to prevent excessive boredom.

Never carry cellular phones on holidays. I have learnt through trial and error that Cellular Phones are the gravest mistake of mankind. They are capable of ruining your holiday and your life. It is important to never carry cellular phones especially when canoeing encased in a life jacket meant for someone weighing 55kg when you weigh approximately 85kg.

Always pack your bags well in advance. You are quite capable of missing out on important articles when packing in a hurry. Most family trips include collections of the oldest country music and other such examples of work by artistes usually unknown. It is best to slip in the CDs by your favourite artistes into the cases of artistes that rank well with the more mature humans. This should be done discreetly so as not to encourage it rebounding on you.

On reaching the destination, it is vital to take a quick look around and choose the room with the most breathtaking view, the most comfortable bed and the best bathroom.

There are two main varieties of holidaymakers. The 'I just-need-a-rest' type that will rush to sleep the moment he sets foot on the doorway of either a holiday bungalow or a hotel or the 'I'm-so-fond-of-adventure' type who will explain in great detail the wonders of the landscape. I have travelled excessively with the latter and understand the repercussions faced by others who are faced with such situations. These humans are aces at the art of jogging and hiking and can prove very uncomfortable to travel with. They feel that every tea estate, every beach and every precipice is a piece of art and unlawfully force, disinterested mortals to explore them.

When humans less than twelve years of age are present, it is important to act appropriately. Younger humans are tempted to follow in the footsteps of their older companions and this in turn can create a series of problems.

Sleeping under the stars may sound like a wonderful alternative to the cramped bedrooms but it is not advisable to do so unless the traveller is positively certain that area does not include slithery snakes or creepy crawlies.

It is advisable to invite a doctor on the journey; these mortals can be of immense service in case of accidents. Always remember that they should not be informed of this as that might lead to them backing out in the last moment.

A map is of utmost importance. This is so, especially when travelling with the 'I am so fond of adventure types' as they will undoubtedly lose their way during at least one part of the journey.

The travel programmes on television are examples of 'heaven made holidays' and cannot be used as ideal examples when travelling for leisure purposes.

These are just a few basic guidelines when travelling within our country. They are not to be adhered to, unless the traveller feels a need to.

Whatever the time or place, holidaying is a wonderful method of spending your days in rest and relaxation. The best of it being when an entire battalion leaves together and stays up till the wee hours of morning playing card games learnt decades ago or chatting over cups of coffee about how wonderful it all was. It makes you think that all the hassle in the world was worth those four days. So think back, throw all inhibitions aside and enjoy!

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