Plus

Plus

TIMES POSTCARD
Engelbert Humperdinck is coming soon
By Rajpal Abeynayake
Engelbert Humperdinck will play at the Water's Edge, a friend of mine exulted.
"He is here,'' he shouted.
I asked him whether he had looked under the bed.
Friend looked offended.

But last time Engelbert Humperdinck was supposed to be here, the man was, like, a good thirty years younger. Now they say that he will be here this time. Maybe age has mellowed him. Maybe when he says he is coming, he will come.

But the news took us down memory lane. My father read the papers one morning. "Engelbert Humperdink is coming,'' he said. Not that he would have given much thought to it; Humperdinck for him had the mental associations of a brand of breakfast cereal -- my father did not have musical bone in his body - certainly not for the Engelbert variety.

But my brother was highly excited. Those were the days when leave alone Humperdink, we wouldn't have a humble Maldivian singer coming here; exchange regulations were too stifling or something like that my father used to say. You couldn't see them on the telly either -- that particular contraption having not made any appearance in this idyllic isle of ours.

So Humperdinck was all the rage. Old aunties renewed their hairstyles. Newer ones plunged the hemlines of their sarees further -- and brought up the ends of their micro minis to levels that positively signalled danger -- 'cos that was the era of m/minis, bell bottoms and hipsters.

In places like Palm Grove Avenue, even the dog was manicured and coiffured. The drivers were told that they cannot drink on the day "Humperdinck mahhattaya sindu kiyyyanna awahama."

But in the end Humperdinck let every last dog down. He never turned up. Now they say he is coming thirty years later. Here is somebody who beats our President for punctuality.

Anyway, that was not the end of the story as far as my brother was concerned. The next day he told me "Humperdinck has actually been here.'' The Daily News or some paper had it. 'Humperdinck had indeed been here' the writer said. The Hump was seen forlorn and a bit insecure, having buth curry at the Paramount Hotel at Kurunegela. Apparently he had decided Colombo 7 was too much for him. The writer of the article was darned good on spoofs.

He went onto say, Humperdink downed his rice and curry, let out a hefty belch, and called for the bill like any other Sri Lankan buth curry-eater. Then, he raised the glass of water left by the waiter, and washed his hands over the plate.

We thought that was the end of that -- that narration of the entire episode would at least cure the Colombo 7 ladies of the swoon they had gone to over Mr. Humperdink.
But were we wrong.
The next day both my father and brother were all over the Daily News.

They were peering over this one article, which signalled that the Humperdink caper was not going to disappear so easily.
The letter went something like this:

Dear Editor,
You writer may have seen Mr. Humperdink. But I take strong exception to his assertion that he was at Paramount Hotel in Kurunegala.
We would have been glad if he had patronised this place; and for all we know he may have done so, even though our records do not show it.
But, it is wrong to say that he washed his hands over his plate. The Paramount is a well known hotel of repute in Kurunegala. We do not allow any customer here to wash their hands over the plate. Cutlery is provided, and so are finger bowls and napkins etc., etc., etc.,
Signed /The Manager, Paramount Hotel, Kurunegala.

Obviously, Humperdink, all the way in Los Angelles, had offended one conscientious hotel manager in this little faraway island of Sri Lanka.
Now it seems, thirty years later Humperdink is after all arriving to keep his date with his Sri Lankan destiny. But he is coming to Water’s Edge. At least I thought if the Paramount is not in existence, he might think of the Paivas in Kandy this time, no?

What is he going to do at the Water's Edge. Sing, and then wolf down a buth buffet. Then, in full view of the golfing maestros, wash his hands over the plate of rice??

If he does, that writer -- not to mention to Paramount Hotel Manager would have been amply vindicated. What's thirty years -- justice can wait. The tension is killing me… I'm on water’s edge…oops… I mean on the edge of my seat, waiting for the long awaited denouement of Englebert Humperdink's second coming……

Back to Plus