Time to straighten things up after the jumbo holiday

By Rypvanwinkle

My dear Mahinda Maama,

I thought I must write to you, now that you have returned from China with that jumbo delegation, leaving behind only the four legged jumbo that you gifted to the Chinese people. But, Mahinda maama, you would surely have realised by now that some jumbo problems await you on your return.

I think it is now an open secret that your ministers couldn't secure any advantage out of that incident where the Tigers attacked helicopters carrying the diplomats. Ultimately, it looked as if your Disaster Management Minister was fighting with your Foreign Minister and that the silly diplomats were blaming you for the attack, when they could have in fact been killed by the Tiger fire!

I know that you were quite unhappy about this, but then there were also quite a few in the Blue camp who were saying that this is what happens when you get former Greens in your camp holding all the plum jobs - old habits die hard and they always end up fighting each other!

While you sort out that matter, Mahinda maama, I needn't remind you that there is growing concern about the spate of disappearances that are increasing by the day. People speak of white vans abducting people who are never heard of again and also of unidentified bodies surfacing in rivers and swamps.

Now, we did experience something similar twenty years ago, but that was when your rathu sahodaraya friends had launched a full scale insurgency in the South. For that type of lawlessness to resurface with only a hint of dissent in the South is quite frightening, Mahinda maama.

You may be aware that you have already been compared to Junius Richard because of the ways in which you were craftily manipulating the foolish Karu and the rest of his Horu. But now, Mahinda maama, you may be alarmed to know that you are also being compared to his successor, because of all these disappearances that are being reported everyday. I know you will not enjoy that comparison, so you will have to do something about it soon...

And then of course we have those two little nuisances to deal with, Samarey and Soori. From what we can see from the sidelines, allegations are pouring forth from both sides and while Samarey and Soori have nothing to lose, your reputation is taking a beating, especially with this claim that you did a deal with the Tigers just before the presidential poll that brought you into power.

You know only too well that nothing is impossible in our political world. There have already been rumours of a strange political alliance between the Blue discards, the Greens and the Reds. If such a force were to materialise, life may be just a little more difficult for you and this is something you should think about, Mahinda maama.

Then, we also regularly hear noises about corruption in government institutions and the rising cost of living. I am not sure whether you are even aware of these problems, Mahinda maama, but I thought I should let you know these are the issues that bother most people, much more than diplomats being attacked by the Tigers or Samarey and Soori forming a new party. Do something about these issues too, if you can, Mahinda maama.

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha

PS - But all is not doom and gloom, Mahinda maama. Now that the World Cup is beginning, our people will not care about anything else, for the next month or so. And, if you are really lucky, we might win the cup and you would be able to say it was all because of the Mahinda Chinthana! After all, one Jayasuriya bailed you out of a tight spot by joining the government with a whole lot of rogue elephants; now it might be the turn of another Jayasuriya to restore you to your previously high popularity levels!