Turning them down

By Sonnet

It usually takes turbulent brainwaves and brainstorms to smash our thoughts deep into the 'too obvious' and therefore inconspicuous facts of life. Recently I was trying to help out a friend of mine who wanted some brotherly advice on how she could politely turn down a guy who was going to ask her out. (Without hurting his feelings.) What is the most diplomatic way of saying the big and hurtful NO to people ranging from good friends to strangers in buses and juniors at university ?

I just realised that this was a common problem faced by both guys and girls. Much has been said, books written and movies made about the art of courtship, but little or nothing about the art of turning down a date. It is time now to break the grim silence and start educating ourselves about this valuable life skill.

Fine... so imagine that everybody wants YOU now... you may be a girl who has twisted the neck of many a guy who was stunned by your looks and turned back to catch another fleeting glimpse of your wavy hair. Or perhaps a guy who has made many a girl break out in a hot sweat of desire. But then, you most probably always knew you were the HOT one... I mean... seriously!

But on an even more serious note, you have to first ask yourself why you want to turn down someone and why do you need a strategy to say NO? I mean, wouldn't it be nice to actually explore your prospective suitors before you turn them down? Honestly I don't know much about these things. It could well be because you already like another person; officially known as "HIM" or "HER"!

Some guys claim that they have turned down girls because they have “sworn off women, marriage and relationships;” often because of a nasty experience they claim to have had in one of their previous lives. I personally think it is a load of digested hay. Think about it.

There is an upper limit to what degree a man can resist his primordial instincts.
Has the guy made any honest plans to head off to an ashram? Has he resolved to sit in that funny way? And meditate until he is enlightened? If the answers to those questions were NO, NO, or NO, there you have a royal spoof!

I know from bitter personal experience that girls are usually far more creative. They would politely say something like "You deserve someone better, and I am sure she is out there somewhere" or "I don't think we are compatible" with a straight face and in the most matter of fact way that even really smart guys actually end up believing them.

But sometimes you have to say no because you know it's not right and you know that you cannot be happy together.
It's usually a gut feeling and it's very hard to deny. Maybe you honestly wish you would fall in love with the person because you really like being with them but you just ‘don't like them that way.’

I am actually at my best when I talk about the possibility that feelings aren't always mutual, because that is my area of expertise. Coming from a mathematical background, I can prove that statistically speaking, nine out of ten significant 'crushes' you have will never be able to return those feelings.

I also specialise however, in cases where people have been found to have had major crushes for three years without uttering a word about it to the object of their desire.

But my most recent study was focused on the subject of "How a woman can turn down a guy even before the guy proposes to her!" Believe me ladies and gentlemen, that has happened!

Well, I should tell you that a subtle and humane approach would be most desirable, because it usually hurts a lot to find out that the person you've been stalking for the duration of your post-pubescent life doesn't actually like you the same way. But some guys – more than girls, I am mildly embarrassed to admit – need to be drilled a bit deeper to get the message across.

Generally, ignoring them, avoiding them, never replying their emails, politely excusing yourself from their company and logging off 'Instant Messenger' programs as soon as you see that they have logged in – are all valid signs that most sensible guys and girls with an iota of self pride should understand.

But you may have to be blunt and plainly literal with others.
If none of this actually works out, you may secretly consider hiring a capable hit-man (best not bargain with him to save yourself an extra 20 rupees) to nullify their existence by violent means if necessary.