5th columns

I thought I must write to you because everyone is talking about you these days-and they are not discussing your tuition classes either. It is the price of rice that they are worried about and last week you seemed to have found a solution to that problem almost overnight!

Why, Bandula, the price of rice was sky rocketing, the government was becoming unpopular as a result and everyone was blaming it all on you. I thought it was rather unfair on you because I didn’t think any single man could be so powerful as to influence the market forces that determine the price of rice.

But then, you proved me wrong, Bandula. With one stroke of your pen you have gazetted the maximum retail price of rice and hey presto, you tell us that the rice crisis is over and that everyone will be able to buy rice at the price you want it sold.I think we must all congratulate you for this brilliant strategy. But pardon me, Bandula, there are a few matters I still don’t understand, and that is what I thought I would write to you about.

Now, if you can control the price of rice just like you did last week, why on earth didn’t you do so earlier, Bandula? It could have saved you a lot of trouble, it could have saved Mahinda maama a lot of trouble and even the ‘kiribath’ we made for the New Year would have cost us much less!

Then, please permit me another question, Bandula. If controlling prices are that easy why on earth aren’t you controlling the prices of sugar, bread, dhal and everything else that we consume on a regular basis? If you could do that, Bandula, Mahinda maama may even make you his Prime Minister!

Then Bandula, please correct me if I am wrong, but I distinctly remember you declaring not so long ago that no one-not even God Sakra-could reduce prices of essential items, if world prices are high. Well, now that you have actually reduced the prices, Bandula, are you more powerful than God Sakra?

Of course, I must tell you that I never understood Economics the way you did. Therefore, I must admit that I-and most other people too-are rather confused by the many economic theories that you cite to explain why some essential commodities have gone up in price. So, please reserve those explanations for your tuition classes, will you, Bandula?

Someone whispers that this price reduction was timed just right for the eastern provincial council elections. Now, no matter what good you do, there will be people who will say nasty things about you, so you must learn to ignore them, Bandula.

Then, please don’t teach your new tricks about reducing prices to that chap Fowzie. The next thing you know, he will copy you and reduce the price of petrol and become even more popular than you are. We shouldn’t allow that to happen, should we?

And now that you have achieved the impossible, Bandula, why don’t you ask for a promotion from Mahinda Maama? I suppose you could become Minister of Transport and issue a gazette notice ordering all trains and buses to run on time or you could become Minister of Health and issue a gazette notice ordering everyone not to fall ill. With this strategy of doing everything by gazette, Bandula, just imagine what you can achieve for the country!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha

PS-By the way, I think you should send a ‘thank you’ card to Wimal Weerawansa sahodaraya. He is the only reason why cartoonists stopped humiliating and insulting you because they have now started humiliating and insulting him, so you should be grateful for that, shouldn’t you, Bandula?

Lo and behold! His magic wand has gone against the grain!