News

How to get Mrs. Anumaana’s vote

Polishing the halo of politicians for the fast approaching election platform
By Lasanda Kurukulasuriya

Mrs. Anumaana visited the supermarket the other day with the idea of buying a very mundane product – a small can of Brasso, for the routine polishing of brassware in her house. She was informed that this item had got completely sold out in the past few weeks. Mrs. Anumaana tried every other supermarket and kaday in the area, only to hear the same story. Talking to the salespeople she learned that this surge of customers snapping up the item and causing a shortage, had consisted entirely of politicians. Apparently they needed the polishing materials desperately, in order to shine up their halos before mounting the election platform.

But Mrs. Anumaana did not have to wait long. She soon found a whole slew of alternative polishing products in the supermarket – so many brands, in fact, that she was baffled by the range and variety. The business people hadn’t wasted a minute, cashing in on the new market opportunity with the onset of election fever. Here’s a sampling of the new halo-product labels she read on the shelves:

  1. “Perma-Shine” – Eliminates the rust of corruption even as it shines your halo to dazzling brightness!
  2. “Ever-Bright” – Keeps your halo from getting tarnished through any stormy weather!
  3. “Mud-buster” – A mud-resistant polish that keeps your halo intact through the fiercest mud-slinging contest.
  4. “Pole-vaulter’s pick” – Your halo will match, no matter how many times you change your shirt.
  5. “Glow-to-go” – Keeps shining no matter where you’ve been and how you plan to travel – white van, Black Maria, number plate-less vehicle etc.
  6. “Aththa Katha” – Gets brighter with every lie uttered.
  7. “Quick Fix” – The economical option for those on a tight budget. Expiry date January 26 2010.
  8. “Glow Worm” – Worm your way through the dirt and come out shining!
  9. “Mama Saanthaya” - Use this to acquire a greater aura of saintliness.
  10. “Mama Raja” – Use this and wear an air of majesty wherever you go.

When Mrs. Anumaana turns on the TV nowadays, what she sees is a never-ending caravan of politicians in various attitudes of piety, visiting temples and other places of worship to obtain the blessings of all the devas in the pantheon. In order to sit through this spectacle she usually amuses herself by comparing the sexy bodies of the politicians - since one has to admit, this kind of “media exposure” is somewhat rare.

But now with the ongoing contest, Mrs. Anumaana has an additional pastime when she turns on the news. That is, to try to figure out which halo-shining product each politician has used. Since she belongs to that large and unpredictable category of “undecided voters,” who knows, Mrs. Anumaana might even end up making her decision through a process of selecting the brightest halo … to give her a “brighter future!”

Top to the page  |  E-mail  |  views[1]
SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend
 
Other News Articles
Frustrated Polls Chief says no more notes to IGP
Large-scale disruption of postal voting
TNA says released MP forced to back MR
High tension in Puttalam, Matara
Hudson out of SLBC programmes
Colour-wash politics in WP schools
First to school, then to polls
Political mudbombs in overturned truck
Big match: Village rascals vs. corporate rogues
SMS alert: Norwegian fury
Talk at the cafe Spectator
Sampanthan says TNA stands for undivided Lanka
CPA Chief here to discuss 2012 conference
Bonus interest for senior citizens
Matara mayor to support Fonseka
High-security funeral for polls victim
NFF’s Muzammil to report Ravi K to Bribery Commission
CB stops forex outflow amid political uproar
Crisis in the garment business
How to Vote
Indian Railways makes a beeline for the Lankan tracks
Small time fishermen protest banned practices
Disappointed IDPs taken to other camps
Sugar price shoots up
Basnayake Nilames confirm they had pow-wow on election
Meditate to reduce polls violence
Galle: A treasure trove of wrecked ships
News photographer passes away
Polls violence escalates in build-up to the big day
Highlights of President Mahinda Rajapaksa’s manifesto
Smear campaign won’t work, the masses are with Gen. Fonseka -- Interview with JVP MP Anura Dissanayake
Poll card errors won’t be a problem: Polls official
Campaign gets dirty in cyberspace
The opposition cannot attract the southern voters -- Interview with (SLFP) General Secretary Susil Premajayantha
We have to get together to put house in order -- Interview with United National Front leader Ranil Wickremesinghe
Gaffes galore in political muddle; stars swim in muddy puddle
‘Enabling elections’ for disabled persons
How to get Mrs. Anumaana’s vote
Now’s the time to learn from the past

 

 
Reproduction of articles permitted when used without any alterations to contents and a link to the source page.
© Copyright 2010 | Wijeya Newspapers Ltd.Colombo. Sri Lanka. All Rights Reserved.| Site best viewed in IE ver 6.0 @ 1024 x 768 resolution