Such fairy-tale endings do happen in real life. The proof was before my eyes when I met Bill and Gwen Cramer from Croydon, England, who completed 64 years of happy marriage on May 18 this year. I found it hard to believe that a couple so spry and chirpy has been married that long and that they are respectively 90 and 86 years old, have four adult married children, six grandchildren and three great-grands.
The Cramers are regular visitors to the land of their birth, but what brought them here this time was the wedding of a close relative. As may be imagined, it was a memorably happy occasion when they met all their relatives and friends in Sri Lanka, who gathered for the wedding of Gwen’s grand-nephew.
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| Bill and Gwen Cramer: Marking 64 years of happy marriage |
They had met each other in 1942 at the Polytechnic in Kandy where Gwen Elias was learning to type. Bill, a school teacher, had come in to brush up his typing. The two had “clicked” and started a friendship that soon took a romantic turn. They were, however, brought down to earth by her father who told the youthful suitor that he must not think of marriage until he was able to support a wife and that a teacher’s salary was quite inadequate.
So they were engaged for four years and when they eventually tied the knot at St. Mary’s Church, Dehiwela, on May 18, 1946, Bill had joined the Excise Dept. and was posted to Kegalle. Their first child and only son, Cedric, was born there.
Three girls followed – Jennifer, Jacqueline and Judy. Bill was transferred, in turn, to Kadugannawa, Maharagama and Jaffna.
Before marriage, Gwen had worked for Lawrie Muthukrishna, (famous founder and Head of the Polytechnic at Wellawatte) and she learned much from him. Bill got a job in the printing dept. of Lake House as an assistant to the Printing Manager, Spencer Toussaint, and the family moved to Colombo.
Gwen, with her training in secretarial work, found a secretarial position with the American firm of Caltex. It was the ugly racial troubles of 1958 that put the idea of leaving Ceylon (as it was known then), into Gwen’s head, but Bill was happy with his life here and dug his toes in against the idea of uprooting himself and his family.
Gwen bided her time, until a family member in England told them, in 1961, that they had better make up their minds quickly if they wanted to settle in England, because new immigration policies were being framed by the British Government.
“When I put it to Bill, he reluctantly said, `Okay, let’s go to Thomas Cook and if there are six berths available for our whole family, I’m ready to go.’“ He had stipulated, however, that he would NOT wash dishes for a living or sweep the streets, in England!
When they went to Thomas Cook, the manager told them they were lucky, as a booking for six berths had been cancelled. Gwen saw it as providential and Bill accepted that they were destined to go to England.So, in 1961, the Cramer family migrated to England and they have never had reason to regret it, not even Bill. He didn’t have to resort to menial jobs, for his experience in the printing dept. at Lake House helped him to obtain a position with a printing firm. Gwen, in view of her secretarial experience at Caltex, got a secretarial job with the NHS.
“Boy, it seemed a cushy job compared to the way we had to work at Caltex!” she exclaimed. The children too fitted into school with ease and although life was harder in some senses – without extended family or domestic help – Bill and Gwen were prepared to work hard and to teach their children to do the same.
The Cramers live in Croydon, Surrey, and have a wide circle of friends and relatives, although all their children and families live far away from them. Son, Ced, who married a Swiss girl, lives in Glasgow, Scotland, while daughters Jacqueline and Judy who married Englishmen, are also far away – one 150 miles away and the other 50. Jennifer, who brought her parents to see me, is settled in Sri Lanka by choice. I learned that she came here in 1975 on a private grant to work here for one year – “I wanted to see what it was like here,” she explained.
“People I met in England were always harking back to their time in Sri Lanka and what a wonderful place it was. That puzzled me, for it seemed contradictory to lavish praise on the homeland they had chosen to leave.” I don’t know to what extent Jennifer’s decision to remain in Sri Lanka was influenced by the fact that she met and fell in love with a Sinhalese architect, Somaratne de Silva, whom she married in 1976. His untimely death didn’t propel her back to live in England which is home to her parents and her siblings.
Since retirement, Bill and Gwen keep themselves mentally and physically active. Bill is a great hiker and even at age 90 he takes a walk daily. He also still drives their car. They play scrabble. They like to travel and have seen much of England and something of Europe.
Bill and Gwen have made the long journey to Australia fairly often to catch up with relatives and long-time friends like the Spencer Toussaints. Health-wise, they have kept well, although Gwen admits to some degree of arthritis.
“As long as we are fit to travel, we will indulge in it,” she said.
Bill and Gwen seemed to complement each other well as Jennifer confirmed.
“Mum might be said to be the `propeller’ in the marriage, but she always consults Dad and decisions are jointly taken. He’s more reticent, but he can be firm about something he thinks is important and he can also lose his temper! He has always been an involved father. All of us children feel we have been greatly blessed in the home-life they gave us.”
I asked Bill and Gwen to tell me what went into the making of a good, enduring marriage. Gwen was quick off the mark with, “Love, commitment and loyalty.”
Bill followed that up with, “Respect for each other.”
“There has to be an element of luck, too,” added Gwen. “You have to be lucky enough to hit on a partner with whom you can spend the rest of your life.”
Gwen’s bubbly personality and ready laughter, coupled with Bill’s gentle expression of contentment, made it clear that together these two people have indeed forged a relationship that has blessed their lives and those of their children and families, as well as the community in which they live. |
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