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Welcome to our ‘Cabinet like no other!’
View(s):Sunil had been burning the midnight oil trying to calculate the exact number of ministers, deputies and other persons with new and varied designations,who will dip into the public purse for their maintenance and upkeep after the latest ‘cabinet reshuffle’.
There were so many permutations and combinations of figures doing the rounds that he, like many others, was confused. He pored over newspapers, scoured websites and made earnest phone calls to Mrs. Aandupaksa in an attempt to arrive at the correct figure. Was it 67 ministers and deputies out of 161 government MPs, making the cabinet 40 percent of the total? Or was it 97 ministers and senior ministers and deputies, making it 60 percent? Were any of these figures accurate? With so many new appointments being made at regular intervals it had become difficult to keep track. Nobody could blame him for getting into a muddle.
Sunil decided to settle for the figure on the’Official website of the Government of Sri Lanka’ whose list adds up to no less than 99 ministers, senior ministers, deputy ministers and project ministers. To make it easy for visitors to this website the newcomers’ names are highlighted with the word ‘new’ inside a red asterisk – just like on a supermarket flyer. With all of 99 appointees on the list Sunil reckoned he only had to include the Speaker to arrive at a grand total of 100. Surely this called for some ceremonial drum beating and garlanding, just like we did for tourists when their numbers hit the desired target?
While Sunil marvelled at these developments he was at the same time beginning to get worried that his tardiness in making a bid for one of the spots himself might result in his losing out.Mrs. Aandupaksa had for months on end been regaling him with the benefits to be had by doing so, such as a total monthly income of Rs. 200,000 that included salary (Rs 65,000), fuel allowance, housing allowance, entertainment allowance, official car and three drivers etc., etc. Not to mention the prestige accruing from VIP treatment wherever he went and other unspecified perks and privileges. And not forgetting the duty free vehicle permit every five years, which he could auction off for a handsome sum.
Among the other advantages of becoming a cabinet minister, deputy minister, senior minister, project minister or minister of any other description, Sunil learnt, was that he could appoint his friends and relatives to his considerable staff. According to documents tabled in parliament it was reported that a minister could have a personal staff of 15, the cost of whose maintenance amounted to a generous Rs. 32 million a month. Then each Ministry had to have a staff of 50 to do its newly created ‘work.’
Sunilrealised it was high time to heed Mrs. Aandupaksa’s advice. If he delayed any longer it might be ‘house full’ he feared. He decided to redouble his efforts to make an entry into politics and hopefully to shoot straight into a cabinet position, with a little help from Mrs. Aandupaksa. After all there was still scope for new portfolios to be created.
If there could be a ‘Ministry of Sugar’ he figured, surely there could be a ‘Ministry of Kiribath?’
The function of this ministry would be to produce and distribute kiribath to make sure the general public appeared to be celebrating on designated occasions, such as when unwanted officials were ousted from office. Then there could be a Ministry of Lamborghinis. Its task would be to import luxury racing cars for the Colombo Night Races each year.(Sunil rather fancied this post for himself.)
There was enough demand to create a ‘Ministry of Foreign Junkets,’ he argued, and another for ‘Unnecessary Tamashas.’ And surely there were sufficient grounds for setting up a ‘Ministry for Sub standard Imports’ along with another for ‘Commissions and Kickbacks?’And wasn’t it time to have a separate ‘Ministry of Land Grabs,’ and another for ‘Mafia and Assorted Underworld Activities?’Then to deal with the anticipated protests over the creation of all these new ministries, he realised, there would have to be a ‘Ministry of Crowd Control.’
Yes, it certainly looked as if there would be scope for newcomers to carve out niches for themselves, amidst this plethora of new ministries. There was always room for expansion, and it would never be ‘house full.’
Sunil eagerly offered to appoint his mother as his Personal Assistant (when he became a minister) so that she too could enjoy a fat salary with a chauffeur driven car as a benefit. But Mrs. Anumaana was not impressed. When would this ‘expansion’ end, she asked impatiently. Why of course, when the Treasury goes bankrupt, Sunil explained matter-of-factly.
Last but not least he said, there would have to be a ‘Ministry of Guinness Records,’ because with every passing year Sri Lanka bettered its own record increating the World’s Bulkiest Cabinet. Someone would have to make sure the GuinnessBook of Records people were kept up to date with the new statistics.
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