Dealing with dilemmas
View(s):Dr. Raveen Hanwella continues his series on coping with stress
I mentioned earlier that there are four causes of stress. Loss, change of role, dilemmas or conflicts and relationships. Today I will discuss the third type of stressor.
The word dilemma is derived from the Greek word meaning double proposition or two assumptions. The dictionary defines a dilemma as a situation in which one is faced with a choice between two equally unsatisfactory alternatives. An example would be that of an A’ Level student who in the first attempt has not got the grades expected to enter the university course he or she really wants to follow. The grades are adequate for a lesser course. The student could opt to do this course or sit the examination a second time and attempt to improve the grades. But what if the grades are worse on the second attempt? Both alternatives are not comfortable and the student would then face a dilemma.
Is there a scientific way of dealing with a dilemma?
Before you attempt to solve a dilemma think a moment. Do you really have to choose between two alternatives or are there other choices? Maybe there is a third, a fourth or even a greater number of choices. So when you are trapped in a dilemma don’t try to choose immediately. Take some time to think or discuss with friends or persons you trust. You will most likely be able to think of several more options. Once you have your choices clear is there a systematic way of choosing? Many years ago a psychologist called Goldfried suggested such a method which is now known as the problem solving method or problem solving therapy.
This method could also be used to resolve a dilemma. It has seven stages or steps. In the first stage the problem is clearly identified. It is surprising how often people attempt to solve problems without first attempting to delineate and understand the problem clearly. You may well be attempting to solve the ‘wrong’ problem. This is often the case in problems involving children. A child may start to refuse to go to school. In our jargon we call this condition school phobia or fear of going to school. So the problem must be in the school. Perhaps the child does not like the class teacher or maybe there is a class bully who is making life unpleasant.
Though these are known reasons the real problem may lie elsewhere. Sometimes children refuse to go to school because of problems at home. For example if the mother is not well the child may fear that something would happen to her while he or she is away in school. In this situation what is needed is reassurance that the mother is being looked after and will get well soon.
Many years ago I was told this story by a senior child psychiatrist. A child went to a Buddhist temple with her parents. Before entering the temple she had to leave her slippers behind. On returning she found her slippers missing. She was most distressed and to comfort her the parents immediately bought her a pair of brand new slippers, exactly like the pair she had lost. To their surprise and perhaps annoyance, she remained as distressed as before. I will leave you to work out the reason why. The ‘problem’ is sometimes not the ‘problem’. You have to look beyond the superficial issues otherwise you will waste time trying to solve a non-issue.
Once you have clearly defined the problem the second step is to think of possible solutions. It is important to brainstorm about all possible solutions however impractical they may seem at first glance. In the third step, rehearse each alternative solution until its implications are clear. In this step you will be able to weed out the impractical solutions and select what is feasible.
In a way you are thinking of the pros and cons of each solution and working out the solution that has the least disadvantages and the most advantages.
The fourth step is to choose one solution based on your analysis in the previous step. This is an important step. Often people choose the first solution that springs to mind without a logical analysis, later to find that it does not work, or that there are insufficient resources to carry it out.
The fifth step is to define and clearly think out all the steps needed. The sixth stage is to carry out the steps. This may seem rather obvious but people often hesitate to take action and procrastinate. They believe that if you do nothing the problem will go away. It often does not.
The seventh or last step is to check the result. Is the outcome satisfactory? If yes, the problem has been solved or the dilemma resolved. If not, another solution may need to be looked at and the problem solving steps gone through again. But that is quite simple you might say. Then again, most effective therapies or strategies are that. They are simple.
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