Trust them; Trust them not – It takes a second to break, and forever to repair!
View(s):“I am forced to do the exact opposite of what I want to do at work, because I got my fingers burnt way too many times. I trust people too much,” adds the young manager at one of our small group coaching sessions. I see another nod in agreement.Trust is one of those queer abstracts that is hard to explain but is obvious when its presence is not felt. Its’ absence can make one feel somewhat uncomfortable, awkward and self conscious thereby making one to filter each and every word the other party may say, or pay intense attention to someone’s body language to scan whether he or she is lying or not. Whether this is desirable or not, to be on our best vigilance when we feel this way, serves a good survival purpose. The dilemma of trust, nudges us to question whether we could believe what the other party says or does. The dilemma of honesty and openness, presses the risk of being exploited for disclosing too much too quickly or seriously damaging the relationship by refusing to disclose information, thereby seen as deceitful and distrusting.
It can take many forms; from the trust that is based on threats and deterrents (in the case of extreme authoritarian and directive leadership and Machiavellianism) and, to the trust that is founded on the identification of the needs and wants of another person. In the latter, normally, the trustor knows the trustee based on having had some form of relationship in the past. Shared experiences between the two, that is having experienced many of the same things, can help them trust each other better. We give people what they give us and vice versa; we reciprocate and expect our trustworthiness to be reciprocated. Past fulfilled promises can also help one to be convinced on the trust they have in the other party. Finally, if the person in the past had had the opportunity to exploit the trustee when he or she had been vulnerable, but had not done so, it would be easier for the person to trust the other party again.
What promotes trust? Even though many things can contribute, ability, benevolence and integrity of a leader, are mainly important in promoting the followers’ trust in him or her. Other simple guidelines for promoting trust include always meeting the deadlines, following through as promised, sharing your personal values and goals with others, giving people a chance to express themselves and making sure that people know about you, especially when you know that some people hide from you for no reason.
Some say that trust is like a mirror, that once it is broken, you can never look at it the same way. This may be because trust is a value that is important to most of us in defining what is right and wrong. If you feel that you are judging some unreasonably, maybe you can give them a chance with caution, even though your survival instincts would say otherwise. When you feel that you are been judged unreasonably, maybe you can give people the opportunity to get to know you better. However, it will take longer than you desire to mend what is destroyed. Broken values are harder to reclaim.
Numerous research shows that supportive leadership that is based on trust can promote organizational citizenship behaviour in which people go above and beyond formal job requirements to contribute to the wellbeing of their organizations and those in it. Trustworthy leaders can pave the way to a culture of altruism, conscientiousness, civic virtue, sportsmanship and courtesy. Such a culture can help people to perform their jobs well, because they are not worried about having to ‘watch their backs’ and for the same reason, remain committed to the company when they trust their leaders. This form of commitment is an emotional attachment that drives them to continue to work for the organization because they agree with it and desire to do so. If you are looking at motivating your people, it may be good to consider building leaders who can be trusted and leaders who promote trustworthiness amongst others.
To be trusted is a greater complement than to be liked and the opportunity we give others to trust us, coupled with professionalism, is a by-product of our own self-trust. There is a fine line between blindly trusting someone and trusting someone because we want to. This fine line binds us to our own awareness of who we are, what we value and, who others are and what they value.
Be it at work or elsewhere, a bad experience is a learning experience and ideally should not be a reference point in building lasting friendships and partnerships.
(Rozaine is a Business Psychologist, consultant and a university lecturer based in Colombo. She can be contacted via email on rozaine@forte.lk)
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