A bond that grew from courting days on the tennis court
It makes one gasp, doesn’t it, to hear of a couple who have stayed happily married for 65 years, in this age of disposable marriages! Being old friends, I was able to coax this exceptional couple, Britto and Therese Motha to tell me something about their journey together these many years.
Happily ever after: Britto and Therese Motha. Pic by M.A. Pushpa Kumara
They first met on the tennis courts at St. Mary’s Church, Bambalapitiya, and were not indifferent to each other, when an extraordinary coincidence occurred. Therese’s parents, who had no idea that the two knew each other, sent a formal proposal to Britto’s parents, as was the custom in the Bharatha community to which both belonged. They were formally engaged in October 1947 and tied the knot at St. Mary’s Church on August 18, 1948. Therese was 22 years old and Britto 24.
Britto who was then lecturing at the Ceylon Technical College, was given only two days’ leave – i.e., the Monday and Tuesday after their wedding on the previous Saturday. They made the most of it by spending their necessarily brief honeymoon at the Mount Lavinia Hotel and Britto related a tense moment when a cousin of his decided to play a prank on him. He had ‘phoned Britto pretending to be the Director of the Technical College, and told him that his leave was cancelled. Luckily, Britto recognised his cousin’s voice.
The young couple lived with Therese’s parents on Vajira Road for the first six-and-a-half years of their married life. I asked Britto whether he didn’t mind that and he replied that there was no problem because her parents were kind and considerate people. Their first two children, Lal and Priya, were born there. Therese’s father was Chevalier I.X. Pereira, a member of the State Council. When Mr. (later Sir), Claude Corea who was Minister of Trade and Commerce and Industries went abroad for a period, Mr. Pereira was appointed as Acting Minister. A few years ago, a road was named after him in the Pettah, in recognition of his services to the country and a special stamp issued to commemorate his 100th birthday in 1988. Her father had immigrated to Ceylon (as it was then known), from Tuticorin in South India with his parents as a young boy.
Therese was one of nine children – five boys and four girls. Britto hails from a family of eight – six boys and two girls. Older readers may remember, as I do, two very popular shops of the ‘30s to the ‘50s, – F.X. Pereira & Sons and The Rupee Shop in the Pettah, owned by members of the Pereira family. They closed down only when import restrictions imposed by Mrs. Bandaranaike’s government made it impracticable to carry on.
Therese and Britto moved into their own home on Frederica Road, Wellawatte, in June 1957. It was here that a second son, Dilip, and their younger daughter, Sharmini, were born. When the children grew up and got married, Britto built flats adjoining the main house for each family. They are a close and loving family and this suited them all very well. On Sundays, they all met for dinner in the parental home.
I asked Therese how her interest in cookery had begun and she said she always felt she wanted to cook. Her parents had a cook who sometimes took the afternoon off on Sundays and she volunteered to prepare the dinner, although she was only 13 at the time. What her siblings clamoured for was her desserts. When her father was appointed Acting Minister, a large crowd of friends and well-wishers had thronged the house and it was Therese who made all the short-eats served on that occasion. Come December each year, after marriage, Therese indulged in her two specialities, a sweet milk wine and delectable Christmas pudding, for both of which she had long-standing orders for 40 years.
On their wedding day August 18, 1948
Therese’s fame spread when she started writing her column, “Of Cabbages and Things”, in the old `Lanka Woman’ weekly launched in 1984, with Clare Senewiratne as editor. It was a very eagerly read feature in that paper. She continued it until 1997 and published a very well-received book which was a compilation of those columns. In 2007, Therese followed it up with a second volume which contained the columns she wrote for the Daily Mirror’s “WOW magazine” (to which she still contributes), and I know that this has also been a hit with her numerous fans.
Since his lectures at the Technical College were only in the evenings, Britto used his free mornings to study Accountancy and qualify as an accountant. He also obtained the degree of B.Com. as an external student of the London University. In 1978, Britto got a job in Riyadh as Commercial Manager of an electrical company there. He had home leave every six months, but he missed the first wedding in his family when Lal got married soon after he left for Riyadh. Daughter Priya took off for England where she qualified in Psychiatric Nursing and stayed on to work there for several years.
I asked Britto whether he didn’t find the restrictions on religious freedom irksome in Saudi Arabia. To my surprise, he told me how he and other Roman Catholic friends met every Friday in one of their homes for worship. Bibles were taboo, of course, but as long as you didn’t make a song and dance about it, there was no problem. And, wonder of wonders, when a RC Bishop visited Riyadh, the Catholics in the area held a confirmation service in someone’s home at which a number of children were confirmed! “We didn’t draw attention to ourselves,” said Britto, “making sure that our cars were not all parked together, but each car was left at some distance away from the other.”
After six years in Riyadh, Britto came back resolved that henceforth he would only undertake voluntary work and he has stuck to that resolve. One of his pet projects in which he was initially involved was Fr. Catalano’s Canal Bank Project in Wellawatte. Later on, Britto was involved in the Institute for Social Development and Action (ISDA), which had around 300 slum-dwellers on its register.
With aid from FORUT, they were given assistance in various ways including credit schemes and the setting-up of a pre-school. They don’t make a show of their religious beliefs, but quietly try to put them into practice. Britto told me that Christ’s injunction that we should love our neighbour as ourselves has been his guiding principle. He is co-editor and manager of a magazine named “Footprints” that carries articles advocating the practice of this commandment.
He has also long been a leading light of the `Richmond Fellowship’ which runs a halfway house on the Colombo Rd., Bopitiya, for mentally ill patients. At 89 (he will be 89 in October), Britto is chairman of the St. Lawrence Assistance Bureau which reaches out to needy people in the area in numerous ways. Britto and his committee meet every Thursday. When I enquired about where the funding comes for all the help they give, he told me it was through the generous giving of their congregation who also enlist the aid of friends abroad. Both are still very active in their church. For forty years, Therese was coordinator of its “Pre-Cana Programme” (pre-marital counselling for engaged couples, a `must’ for all RC couples before they get married).
The Motha family was compelled to leave the premises on Frederica Rd., a place that held the memories of 48 happy years, when a high-rise building coming up next door caused their walls to crack. They eventually found their present abode which is a sylvan retreat in a cul-de-sac and while there was enough space for Priya and for Sharmini and husband Rohan to occupy separate sections of the new abode, both their brothers and families had to look elsewhere for housing. The family still meet up for Sunday dinner every week, but Therese now takes it easy so far as cooking is concerned. Funnily enough, it’s her son-in-law, Rohan Wickremaratne, who delights in cooking. He has published one cook-book, “Cook in a Jiffy”, and is about to put out another. The two daughters-in-law, Vajira and Niranjali, are both very good cooks. Therese and Britto have one grandchild, Rajeev, son of Lal and Vajira. Rajeev’s sayings and doings as a small chap kept readers of her old column in the `Lanka Woman’ entertained.
Even a couple who have been as happily married as Britto and Therese, must have had some spats in the course of 65 years. I asked each of them how they reacted when they had a disagreement.
Therese candidly confessed that, woman-like, she would sulk and be silent. Britto says he would speak his mind and get it over with. Both believed in the old adage about not letting the sun go down on your wrath and they always made up at day’s end.
Asked what advice they would give a young couple just beginning life together, Therese immediately replied she would tell them never to go to bed angry. Britto’s answer was: “I’d tell them that marriage is a decision for life. No human being is perfect. Make allowances for each other and don’t let differences sunder your relationship.”
They celebrated with a thanksgiving service held on the 17th Saturday evening at St. Lawrence’s which was packed with relatives and friends. They renewed the vows they made to each other 65 years ago.
The final verse of the last hymn that was sung, embodied their Christian faith:-
“With You we shall go all the days of our lives
On the roads over land and sea;
With You we will go all the years of our lives
On the road to eternity.”
I have no doubt that our readers will join me in saluting this remarkable couple and wishing them every blessing in the years ahead.