5th Column
The impotence of being a premier
View(s):
My Dear Maithree,
I thought I must write to you when I heard all these rumours circulating in newspapers and websites about you being appointed as the next Prime Minister. I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry-or whether I should even be worried about you. Of course, whenever there have been rumours about Prime Ministers being changed, your name crops up as a possibility. I suppose that is because you are the general secretary of the Blues and a senior minister now. Even then, this latest round of rumours came as a surprise.
That is because, instead of the usual speculation about a change in the prime ministerial position and quite a few names being mentioned as likely contenders, these stories were quite specific, saying that you would get the job and that Mahinda maama will appoint you before the next elections. Why, they were even quoting a ‘senior minister’ saying that you would be given the job as some people in the Blue party were unhappy because the government was becoming a ‘family business’ and there was no room for anyone outside the ‘family’ to make it to the top.
Hearing all this, Maithree, I was quite concerned about you. Far from elevating you to the premiership, I thought these stories might in fact get you into trouble, not only with Mahinda maama but with everybody else in the Blue party with prime ministerial ambitions.
In fact, Maithree, I was wondering whether all these rumours about you becoming Prime Minister were floated by the tobacco companies. Remember how the courts recently gave them a 40 per cent chance of killing people through smoking when you were trying to reduce it to 20 per cent?
They won that battle but you insisted that the war was not over and that you would not rest until you could display health warnings on cigarette packets over the entire packet. Now, if you became Prime Minister you would no longer be Minister of Health — and won’t the tobacco companies be happy?
Then, do you remember when someone said that you had been appointed Vice President of the World Health Organisation. You were receiving congratulations from all over only to be told that you were only appointed as a vice president of a conference and that too only as Sri Lanka’s nominee!
After that, there was that incident where your son was alleged to have assaulted a police officer’s son. Misbehaving sons seem to be fashionable among the Blues — just ask Mervyn, SB and Keheliya — but that didn’t do you good either because you were accused of trying to hush up the incident.
So, Maithree, all these events make me think that there could even be a conspiracy to destroy your political career and sending out a rumour that you are about to be appointed Prime Minister is another step in that conspiracy, so be careful.
Mahinda maama was saying this week that he wanted to build a highway between Colombo and your hometown, Polonnaruwa so that anyone could get there in ninety minutes. The big question is, was he trying to make it easier for you to get to Colombo or was he trying to make it easier to get rid of you?
Anyway some say that Prime Minister’s job is like that of a peon, carrying messages from the Boss to Parliament, so you don’t need to worry too much about it although most of our PMs have gone on to become bosses themselves, except Ratnasiri, Di Moo and of course, who else but Uncle Ranil?
And speaking of Ranil, if you ever find that the going gets tough among the Blues because of all these rumours, I am sure he will welcome you in to the Green party. After all, we all know that Ranil loves a Maithree, don’t we?
Then, we must spare a thought for old Di Moo as well. Whenever he catches the common cold — or a heroin container is seized at the port — someone puts out a story that he will lose his job. Surely he is entitled to some peace and quiet in his retirement, isn’t he?
So, Maithree, you should think long and hard before speaking about these latest rumours. It may be better just to talk about winning the next round of elections and taking the Blue party forward while remaining Minister of Health. This may be good for your own health too. Think about it, will you?
Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS: I am sorry to say this, Maithree, but history is definitely not on your side regarding your prospects of ever becoming Prime Minister. The only other person from Rajarata with a chance of becoming Prime Minister was a gentleman from Medawachchiya and he came so close to doing so. He was even acting Prime Minister on many occasions but he never really got the top job and wasn’t even allowed to lead the Blue party. And surprise, surprise, his name was Maithripala too!