5th Column
Some hope for Jaya in Paradise Isle
View(s):My dear Jayalalithaa,
I thought I will write to you even though I am not certain this will reach you because I understand your address has recently changed from the Chief Minister’s Residence in Tamil Nadu to a prison cell somewhere in Bangalore.
We all heard about what happened to you, suddenly being dumped in jail despite being the Chief Minister in your home state. We were quite surprised because in this Paradise of ours such events do not occur. I think there must be something seriously wrong with your criminal justice system!
In Paradise, this simply does not happen. There may be the odd chap from the Pradeshiya Sabha who is convicted of a murder — but even then, the conviction takes a lot of effort. Otherwise, our ministers are so virtuous, they do not even get a speeding ticket — if cops try to give them one, they lose their job!
Now, you must excuse us if there were some celebrations on this side of the Palk Strait when we heard that you were finally behind bars. We didn’t light crackers to celebrate but I think many would have felt like doing so and I hope you are not too upset by that, Jayalalithaa.
We don’t enjoy seeing someone in trouble but you have been constantly trying to tell us what we should be doing in the North and also telling your Prime Ministers what they should do with our country. Some of them have taken your advice too. So, you won’t win a popularity contest here.
We do remember the many occasions when you were happy to endorse what the Tigers did. In fact, you were quite content to support their cause, if only to obtain a few more votes than your rival, Karunanidhi and become Chief Minister. So, the fate of Paradise was only a political football for you.
Then, you wholeheartedly supported the Prime Minister who dropped parippu on us when we were about to end the war against the Tigers. Had we been allowed to end the war then, that would have spared us of twenty more years of anguish and saved many thousands of lives.
That Prime Minister was killed by the Tigers but recently you seem to have had a change of heart because you wanted to order the release of those who were convicted of his assassination — just to become a little more popular in your state. It took a lot of legal work to prevent that from happening.
You even resorted to extremely petty tactics, for instance once ordering that schoolboy sports teams from Paradise shouldn’t be playing in Tamil Nadu and sending them home in a humiliating manner. You seemed to think that you could get away with anything as far as Paradise was concerned!
Only a few months ago, you were hoping to be the person who decided who would be India’ next Prime Minister. Why, you were even hinting that you could become the next Prime Minister! Thankfully, that Modi chap won a clear majority and didn’t have to depend on you.
Even after that Modi chap took office, you were always pestering him to act against us and demanding the release of fishermen who were poaching in our waters. Of course, while all this was happening, we didn’t know that you were collecting ten thousand sarees and hundreds of shoes.
Despite that, Jayalalithaa, we were taken by surprise when we heard that you had been jailed. It was even more surprising to hear that Modi hadn’t lifted a finger to get you out of this mess. Over here, I suppose all it would have taken is one phone call-and ‘justice’ would have been done!
I am sure you didn’t find it quite comfortable in your prison cell which is why your lawyers were running around to try and get you out on bail. When that sort of event happens here, our politicians suddenly develop mysterious illnesses and are admitted to hospital. You couldn’t even manage that!
It has been said that you will spend the next four years in jail and you have to be out of politics for the next ten years. So, if and when you re-enter politics, you would be seventy six years old. But then, with Karunanidhi still ‘batting’ at ninety years, you would still be young for your job!
When you do get out of jail, if you are looking for a quiet place to live out your years, I think you should come to Paradise. After all, you can be a law unto yourself, acquire enormous amounts of wealth and travel around as if you own the place-and no one will raise an eyebrow! Think about it.
Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS: If you ever return to office, Jayalalithaa, here is some sound advice for you. You need to find the judge who gave that judgement against you, impeach him and replace him with one of your advisors. Not a single judgment will go against you thereafter. Trust me; this is a tactic that will always work!