Sunday Times 2
Dance of Freedom and Desire: A homage to choices and sacrifices
For Shashi de Soysa writing a book that was part fiction, part autobiographical was immensely therapeutic. “It was like going to a therapist,” she muses. “Although without the bills and the probing questions I suppose!”
Shashi de Soysa is a pseudonym, for ‘Dance of Freedom and Desire’ is based predominantly on the author’s own story. A single parent who moved to the US in search of greener pastures, and time away from a rather stifling society back home, Shashi found both freedom and humility in her new habitat. The book is an account largely of the life she spent independently with her daughter amidst strangers who soon became friends. That’s why she chose her daughter as editor, too, because “no one knows me better than her.”
Shashi penned the first draft in a startlingly quick three months-”as soon as I had made up my mind to write it, I got to the task,” she explains. It’s this same headstrong attitude that the writer has embraced her life with, and she has few regrets. Growing up in Galle, Shashi was privileged to be in the bosom of a loving, supportive family. Her father was an educated man, and when they moved to Colombo when she was a teenager; it wasn’t easy at first, but she soon made good friends for life.
Shashi applied successfully to both the Faculty of Law and Law College in Colombo and simultaneously obtained a Bachelors of Laws and qualified as an Attorney-at-Law. She was one of the first five female attorneys appointed to the Attorney General’s Department. The work, however, proved to be dull. “We were only juniors and meant to work our way up, but I was impatient,” she laughs. She crossed over to the private sector as a legal officer for a blue chip company but again was left unsatisfied.
Her marriage was also on the rocks around this time. With a divorce and unable to deal with the censure of society and her family’s pressure to remarry, she decided to move to the US to pursue a Masters in Law at George Washington University in Washington DC. They awarded her with a full scholarship-”I took that for granted I think,” she reflects. When the immense stress of caring for a child, studying and dealing with being alone in a strange country got too much, she “ran back to Sri Lanka.” Almost immediately she regretted her decision-”and then I went back!” She had lost her scholarship, but reapplied to the university once more-this time to study for a Masters in International Development. Her family was supportive, although placed under immense financial strain in having to assist with her tuition.
Shashi also found her calling with an appointment at the World Bank in DC. “I loved it,” she says simply. Over a career spanning 22 years, she rapidly rose from the rank of an intern to senior environmental specialist armed with a PhD in Marine Policy from the University of Delaware. She made new friends, and travelled extensively, even living in Tanzania for four years. Here she also met another man; “I thought he was my soul mate,” she says. But once more, Shashi found herself standing on the precipice of a major decision. All her life she had yearned to be completely free, and she knew a partnership would mean sacrificing certain things she had become accustomed to. She had grown very fond of having her own time, travelling at her pleasure and the time spent with her daughter. “I could have been his wife, and had what my heart desired or I could go on as I was and have my freedom.” In the end, the lure of freedom won. Today she lives in Washington, acting as a marine and coastal policy specialist consultant for the World Bank, the United Nations and the South Asian Environmental Foundation.
‘Dance of Freedom and Desire’ is homage to the choices and sacrifices made by her-and family-in this pursuit of freedom. She penned it under a pseudonym to protect the identity of family and friends, and for the artistic licence it afforded her to make it also a work of fiction in part. Her daughter took on the not so insubstantial role of editor. She was a tough cookie, laughs her mother. “She told me that my first draft read like a report, and proceeded to write many, many comments on the margin. It’s with her input that the book is where it is today.”
The language flows easily, conversational and simple. It is highly eloquent in places, often descriptive but nonetheless engaging. The author is self-deprecating; she knows her follies well, and plays them up to provide the reader with some comic relief.
The book was written largely for family and friends, “to help them understand the choices I made,” says Shashi. She hopes it will inspire a few young women out there too. “It might feel like some things you face in life, like a divorce, is the end of the world but it’s not,” she says. “You will get through it. You must be willing to work at it, and make a new life for yourself despite it all.”