5th Column

My dear Newly Appointed Ministers,
I thought I must congratulate you on your new appointment. I am not sure whether you realise it, but you are a very lucky group of people. That is because most of you, after being ministers for twenty years and then losing an election, are now ministers again, after just two months in the Opposition!

So, you must be very happy about your appointments but pardon me, we are confused. That is because we believed Maithri when he said that the number of ministers would be limited to 25. He began with 28 and we could overlook that, but now we have 39 of you!

Many voted for Maithri because he promised to limit the size of the Cabinet, but they are not the only people who are unhappy about your appointments. There are many others in the Blue camp who are not very pleased because they didn’t get a ministry during this ‘second round’ of appointments.

And we should spare a thought for the likes of Nimal, Susil and Anura, shouldn’t we? After shouting themselves hoarse in support of Mahinda maama at the last election campaign, they quickly switched their loyalties to Maithri expecting greater rewards. And what have they got? Nothing.

Dear new ministers, for a moment I thought Maithri had appointed you because the other ministers were not doing their job properly. Why, ministers were contradicting each other and we did not know who we should believe. And, the worst offender was the dentist who was their spokesman!

However, after seeing the subjects you have been assigned, I now have my doubts. They are not terribly important ministries, are they? For instance, how could ministers for ‘special projects’ or ‘skills development and vocational training’ change the destiny of a nation?

Some of your ministries remind us of when Mahinda maama invented titles for ministries and doled them out, so he could enjoy a clear majority in Parliament. At that time, we had a minister looking after botanical gardens. Now, we have a minister for ‘democratic rule’, whatever that means!

It is also interesting that four of you were so-called ‘senior’ ministers when Mahinda maama was the boss. We thought ‘senior’ ministers were politicians who had overstayed their welcome who were given little work and no power but provided with a title, a car and an office to maintain their dignity.

Now though, they have been given a new lease of life with a new set of ministries — although some of the ministries they have been allocated still leaves them with little work to do. Among them, Uncle Fowzie has been assigned ‘disaster management’. Well, he should be managing the government, then!

Someone whispered that giving you Cabinet ministries was Satellite’s bright idea. If that is so, I was surprised to see SB also getting a ministry because we all know how fond Satellite is, of SB. Anyway, I suppose there are no permanent friends or permanent enemies in politics, only permanent interests.

I am told the purpose of appointing you as ministers is to ensure that Maithri will enjoy the support of the Blues in Parliament, so he could bring about all those changes that he promised during his campaign. If that is so, I can understand that — and appointing you as ministers is a small price to pay.

But we also remember how Mahinda maama increased the number of ministers to over a hundred saying he wanted a stable government to support the war effort. The war was indeed won but then he went on to use the majority he had, to change the rules so he could run for a third term!

And, speaking of Mahinda maama, the campaign to bring him back is gathering momentum. That is why more than two dozen Blue MPs turned up at Ratnapura where Wimal, Dinesh, Vasu and Udaya organised a rally on Mahinda maama’s behalf.

Pardon me if I am wrong, dear Newly Appointed Ministers, but I am wondering whether Maithri will create another two dozen more titles and appoint some more ministers, just to ensure that these two dozen MPs will not attend the next meeting in support of Mahinda maama!

We also hear Old Vasu saying that fifty MPs want Dinesh to be the Leader of the Opposition instead of Nimal. That makes me worried because the next thing we know, fifty more MPs would be sworn in as cabinet ministers — and then we can regain the record for having the world’s largest Cabinet!

Anyway, dear Ministers, we wish you well. We hope you will remain ministers not only until the next election but after it too. Maithri says there will be a ‘national’ government even after that — and how else can you form a national government other than by doling out ministries to each and every MP?

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS: I do hope you realise who the winner in this ‘Battle of the Blues’ is. A few months ago, Uncle Ranil and Sajith were at loggerheads and Mahinda maama was doing his best to keep them apart. Now, they are working together and Mahinda maama and Maithri don’t seem to see eye to eye-and it will remain that way as long as the Wimals and Udayas are allowed to roam the country with their rallies! Ah, what a difference a few months make!