5th Column

My dear Basil,
I thought I must write to you at first to welcome your return but then I realised I would have to send this letter to prison. Now, even that has changed, so I am thinking of sending a ‘get well soon’ card, while you recover in hospital.

Honestly, Basil, I was taken by surprise when I heard that you had decided to return. Mahinda maama has enough problems on his hands without having to deal with what would happen if you returned. But now that you have — and ended in prison and in hospital — he would have to deal with that too.

Still, I think you should have been more organised. I say so because when the Bribery Commission wanted to question Mahinda maama, a hullabaloo was organised in Parliament. When they wanted to question Gotabaya, there were protests outside the Bribery Commission.

But here you are, returning all the way from America and what do you get? A few cheers at the airport and then a ride to the courts, remand prison and hospital. Those who are still with Mahinda maama could have done better than that for a man who once virtually held the purse strings of the nation!

It was different for Mahinda maama. It was only mentioned that he was being summoned to the Bribery Commission and what do our Parliamentarians do? They stage a ‘fast unto death’ in Parliament, perhaps learning a lesson from Wimal’s ‘fast unto death’ against the UN a few years ago.

I suppose these same people simply forgot to stage death fasts when the General was sent to jail or when Shirani was being impeached. Why, it didn’t occur to them to stage a death fast in the name of preserving democracy even when that authoritarian 18th Amendment was introduced!

But the mere thought of Mahinda maama being called to the Bribery Commission has everyone in a spin. Being the champion defenders of democracy that they are, they were falling over each other to fast unto death. The only drawback of that was that they didn’t do the same for you!

And how dare that the Bribery Commissioner, a mere official, should be able to order around someone like Mahinda maama! Never mind all these stories about what happened with our airlines and Air Force helicopters and how deals were made, surely we should be able to forgive and forget?

Anyway, the Greens were reasonable enough to say that if Mahinda maama cannot go to the Bribery Commission, the Commission should go to him. Since we are all equal in this country now I guess every person accused of any offence can now demand that the Police visit him at home!

Not satisfied with that, these chaps in Parliament want the Bribery Commissioner removed just because she summoned the former ‘first’ family. That is a good system, I think: the moment an official calls you for an inquiry, we should remove that person from office — and we will all have a great democracy!

Anyway, Basil, you must have been upset when you heard that even Gotabaya had some protests on his behalf when he was summoned to the Bribery Commission. That is where that Udaya chap got caught with a National Flag without the two stripes depicting the two minority communities.

Remember young Duminda who said ‘mata mathaka nehe’? Well Udaya has gone one better and said ‘mama danney nehe’ — that he didn’t know what was in his hand! I can now just imagine criminals who had guns in their hands — or terrorists with hand grenades — saying the same thing in their defence!

We saw Mahinda maama and Gotabaya visiting you but we didn’t see Nimal. Because he is now Leader of the Opposition, he is dreaming about becoming the next Prime Minister — that is why they are so keen about changing the system of elections instead of supporting the 19th Amendment.

My fear is that the Greens will get Maithri to dissolve Parliament. If that happens where will your chaps stage your death fasts? And how can Chamal maama then order that he needs to be informed not only when our ‘honourable’ MPs are being arrested but also when they are being questioned?

You may be confused, Basil, trying to figure out who you can trust among the Blues. Some support Maithri, others are with Mahinda maama, but there are those who are with both of them. And, it won’t help when Mahinda maama says that being in jail for about three months will be good for you!

Anyway, Basil, you shouldn’t worry too much. You can take heart from the fact that what you are going through now is nothing compared to what the General went through when you were in charge. And, just in case you haven’t been keeping up with the local news, he is now a Field Marshall!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS: Even if nothing comes out of your incarceration, you can be happy that you have made a major medical breakthrough, Basil. You have just proved that heart disease spreads just like the common cold, contrary to what we have been told all these years. Isn’t that why the other two officials arrested with you also suddenly developed heart disease? And, isn’t it strange that whenever a parliamentarian is arrested, they suddenly fall ill? Ah, we have a sick bunch as our MPs, for sure!