5th Column

My Dear Vasu sahodaraya,
I thought I must write to you because, after about forty five years in politics, you seem to have attracted national attention, making the headlines of newspapers and television news bulletins as you have never done before. Surely, it must be a special occasion!

That it happened because you used foul and filthy language — the ‘P’ word, including — on the Prime Minister in Parliament is beside the point. What matters is that you got a lot of time on the airwaves. These days in politics you have to pay to get your name seen and heard so there is no such thing as bad publicity, is there?

Now, Vasu sahodaraya, people are saying that they are disappointed that a senior politician like you and someone who claims to be a leftist should stoop to such behaviour. Well, I am not. That is because you have been a disappointment all your life. You were only living up to your reputation.

Why, if someone needed to cite an example to show that rolling stones gather no moss, that would be you, Vasu sahodaraya. I am sure you had high hopes too when you entered Parliament way back in 1970 as an idealistic young leftist from the Samasamaja Party. That didn’t last long, did it?

Soon you had problems with NM and Colvin and broke away from them to form the ‘Nava’ Samasamaja Party along with that other maverick, Bahu sahodaraya. The only problem was, although you called yourselves the ‘Nava’ Samasamaja Party, there was nothing new about it!

We heard of you next as a presidential candidate at our first ever presidential election. That is where you built your reputation as a loser, finishing last and polling some 17,000 votes from the entire country. Not even all your family and friends seem to have voted for you!

But you can still be proud of what you did, Vasu, because you are now the only surviving candidate from that election. And obviously finishing last didn’t bother you at all because you ran for President again in 1999, finishing seventh and polling just a few thousand votes more than you did in 1982.

In the meantime, you had rejoined the ‘original’ Samasamaja Party, then left it again in a huff and formed your own party. Not many people know the name of that party, but that didn’t bother you too much because you had well and truly latched on to Mahinda maama’s saatakaya then.

You had to do his bidding, so when he asked you to run for Mayor of Colombo you did that too, even though you hailed from Ratnapura. True to form, you didn’t disappoint: you lost again, this time to the driver of a three-wheeler, because the nomination lists submitted by the Greens had been rejected.

But, as we all know very well now, being in Mahinda maama’s good books has its advantages. So, when he became the boss for a second time you were rewarded with the ministerial portfolio of ‘National Languages and Social Integration’, whatever that meant.

I do not know what you did in that job, Vasu sahodaraya, but I can be happy you have not wasted tax payers’ money because you have obviously sharpened your language skills in that position, as was evident in your outburst against the Green Man this week.

Vasu sahodaraya, we have, however, been hearing from you even before that, as one of a group of people who, along with Wimal sahodaraya, Dinesh and that double crossing Udaya fellow, are leading this campaign to bring back Mahinda maama for the next general election.

I don’t know of Mahinda maama’s chances, Vasu sahodaraya, but I do know that without Mahinda maama, the chances of either you, Wimal sahodaraya, Dinesh or Udaya getting elected are quite slim, so we know why you are doing this. With friends like you, Mahinda maama doesn’t need enemies!

Did you know, Vasu sahodaraya, that there was a time when people looked up to you as a principled politician who acted according to his conscience. Sadly, that time is long past now. How you behaved in Parliament the other day only confirms that you belong more with Mervyn rather than with Colvin.

I am not sure what you have planned next, Vasu sahodaraya, but I am sure we will hear from you in the days to come. However, could you do us all a favour and let everyone know when you would be attending Parliament — so they could clear the galleries of school children!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS: It seems all you ageing politicians are having problems lately. Mahinda maama is approaching seventy and is still chasing the dream of returning to power. Somawansa sahodaraya is past seventy and appears to have suddenly lost his marbles and is raving against the party which he led for twenty years. And then we have you, now seventy six, suddenly adding new words to your vocabulary. I think it is time to introduce a retirement age for our politicians. Shall we keep it at seventy, so all of you will be gone by the end of the year and, if it is of any consolation to you, even the Green Man will have to retire in four years’ time?