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Even the devas could not stop this self-acclaimed kingmaker to those from different political hues at different times from enjoying the real taste of paradise, not when every bit of it came free. The SriLankan Airlines Airbus A330 flight (UL 423) had taken off from Hong Kong’s Chek Lap Kok island airport, when he, imbibing too much into the old English tradition, called for a Whisky and Soda. So it was Black Label. He had knocked off quite a few by the time the aircraft touched down at Bangkok’s Swarnabhoomi airport.

As the aircraft was wheels up again and headed for Colombo, the man of many parts decided it was time for some choice wine. So he ordered one glass after another. It was mealtime and he helped himself liberally to some spicy food.And soon, he had reclined his seat flat and was fast asleep, snoring away. The aircraft had by now reached the Sri Lanka Flight Information Region (FIR). It was an hour away from touch down at the Bandaranaike International Airport (BIA) when an officer realised he should make a courtesy visit to seat 1 A. That was to mark his presence with this lordly VIP.

Embarrassed by what he saw – a half-finished glass of red wine on the armrest and curry smeared all over the white serviette still stuck to his neck collar — he questioned a member of the cabin crew. He asked why they had not been removed.

A somewhat embarrassed steward replied, “Sir, he was in a bad mood. He wanted to know how many Chinese were among the 200 passengers flying to Colombo.” The poor guy did not know and had been reprimanded for not having the information at his fingertips. Our freebie VIP did not realise that cabin stewards were not expected to know the nationalities of passengers. As a SriLankan official said later “If he asked that during a British Airways flight, he would have been told to go ask their Border Security.”

That drew the attention of others nearby. “Who is he?” asked one. Another replied “he is on board.” What he meant to say was not the fact that the snoring lord was among the passengers on board. This time, he corrected himself and said “board member”. Which board asked another Business Class passenger? There was no answer. An official later remarked, they were all busier earning air miles than worrying about the turbulent weather their high-flying organisation has got into.

China patas for Port City
It was the Chinese who perfected the art of wall posters. During the time of Chairman Mao Zedong, even newspapers were posted on walls. Therefore, not surprisingly, the expensive campaign now under way to persuade the Government to resume the Colombo Port City development project is the subject of a poster campaign.

Posters sprung up in different parts of Colombo from a so-called Sri Lanka China Friendship Forum. It says “Port City – symbol of development”. That is not all. Even stickers have come up on the backs of three-wheeler scooter taxis, espousing the same cause. One need hardly say that the campaign now under way is also a costly one by Chinese sponsors and their local backers.
And just this week, almost on cue, Ports Minister Arjuna Ranatunga goes on record saying the Port City project will continue. Was he speaking for the Government?

Yahapalanaya diplomacy but ladies in wrong places
The Foreign Minister summoned all the new appointees to head our missions abroad to the BMICH last Monday and was to tell them; “You guys don’t have to come and work for the ruling party at election time like your predecessors had to do. Things have changed.”

Now that is Yahapalanaya of the highest order; even though it was not a done thing in the long history of the Foreign Service — just that the previous regime encouraged Lanka’s serving diplomats — political appointees and career folks alike, to come on state account and canvass for the ruling party at election time.

However, two career diplomats who volunteered to work for the Rajapaksa Government in 2010 have been justly rewarded by the present Minister. One, who has served for nine consecutive years overseas by currying favour with the political establishment of the day remains in the Foreign Office and another, who came from Singapore to work for his then boss has been rewarded with a posting to West Asia.

Talking of West Asia, the Ministry has spoken of the need to send female heads of mission to the region where hundreds of thousands of Sri Lankan workers toil to send nearly seven billion dollars to the country. But alas, of the new lady heads of mission posted to missions around the world, only a solitary figure has been posted to West Asia.

A wag was to remark that the Foreign Office got its geography wrong. It wanted to send these ladies to the “Middle East”, but for Sri Lanka the ‘Middle East’ is the Indo-China region.

Dissolution talk at mic testing
It was a television talk show and the local channel was wiring its subjects for the programme last Tuesday.
Among them were Education Minister Akila Viraj Kariyawasam and Social Service Minister Pelisge Harrison.
Both did not realise that technical personnel had switched on the microphones for testing.
Minister Harrison asked colleague Kariyawasam “heta reyta visuruva harinawa ney” or they are dissolving (Parliament) tomorrow night, noh?” Kariyawasam replied “ow, ow eka sure” or “yes, yes, that is for sure.

Board meetings big business
The board with state patronage under the previous disposition did not sit once in two months or more.
Yet, the directors who attended such meetings were paid Rs. 80,000 a sitting.
Now comes the news that the board is meeting every week. Thus, for a month they pocket a cool Rs. 320,000, just as good as a full time job.
That is not all. When they fall ill, they are looked after free of charge. This is all in good ole Lanka.

Bedtimes stories from UN
A news briefing at the United Nations in New York centred on its peace keeping troops, who also include those from Sri Lanka. Here is an excerpt. Question: Another question please, on the peacekeeping issue: I read an interesting story on IPS by Thalif Deen and he quotes the peacekeepers saying, why are they giving us condoms at the UN if we are not allowed even consensual sex? Does the UN provide condoms to peacekeepers?

UN Spokesman: Yes. It was a part of a long-term effort initiated quite a few years ago by a Permanent Representative, Ambassador [Richard] Holbrooke, in order to fight AIDS. Transactional sex, transactional sexual relations are forbidden.
Question: Consensual?

Spokesman: Consensual relations with beneficiaries [are] strongly discouraged. I’m not going to go into the different… you know, I mean, peacekeepers are people and they have private lives, and they may partake in activities that are neither forbidden nor discouraged.

Question: What about among staff members, there is no prohibition about that, is there?
Spokesman: I’m not going into the different permutations. Correspondent: We’re getting into the bedroom here at the UN…

Queen Bee shows little compassion
She may not have been the Queen though she earned the sobriquet from some of her well-wishers. Others were more uncharitable and even ruthless in their descriptions; they called her the ‘Bandit Queen’.

Recently she threw a lunch party to her group of supporters from the district where her ancestral village is located.
What raised eyebrows among those present was her speech. Referring to a protégé who is now enjoying celebrity status, she complained that her letters of advice were being ignored. Bad enough one would say. Then followed a bombshell. She said the person had no ‘backbone.’

She warned that if things did not change, she would have no alternative but to go public. She would highlight the wrongs at public meetings. That was the talking point among those who took part.