5th Column

My Dear Wimal sahodaraya,
I thought I must write to you when I heard that you were the main actor in a drama at the airport the other day, getting arrested, detained and then finally being bailed out all because you got your passports mixed up. So, instead of visiting Europe, all you got to see was the courthouse in Negombo.

Wimal sahodaraya, no one can stop you from generating headlines almost on a daily basis but in this instance you picked the wrong day to do so because the other person released on bail the same day was a suspect acquitted of charges in the murder of a five year old girl. Ah, what company you keep!

My first reaction on hearing that you had been detained was that it must be something that you had wanted to happen. After all, who can forget that other memorable drama outside the UN office in Colombo where you staged a ‘death farce’ which turned out to be an advertisement for Lemon Puff?

In that instance, it was Mahinda maama who visited you and offered you a glass of water so you could end your ‘death farce’. Although Mahinda maama did not turn up at the airport to rescue you this time around, he did send Namal baby to see you, so you still have friends in the right places.

To be fair, the Green Man, who you have criticised so mercilessly, tried to help you out but even he couldn’t because the Police had taken the matter to court. This is what happens in ‘yahapaalanaya’. If only Mahinda maama was the boss, all it would have taken is one telephone call to sort out the matter.

I am certain, Wimal sahodaraya, this is nothing but an imperialist conspiracy or ‘adhiraajyawaadi kumathranayak’ as you like to call it. After all the noise you made against the resolution in Geneva, I am sure they want to stop you from visiting Europe because they are afraid of your presence there.

Had you been allowed to visit Europe, I am sure you would have single-handedly defeated all these imperialist forces, revoked the Geneva resolution, returned to Sri Lanka as a hero, installed Mahinda maama in power and become Prime Minister. So, no wonder they stopped you from travelling there!

I also heard old Somawansa sahodaraya saying he was ready to join forces with you to defeat the Geneva resolution. You must be careful about accepting that invitation because I don’t know whether that sahodaraya knows whether he is coming or going or whether he is red, green or blue now.

You had said that you lost your passport, obtained a new one but then found the lost passport and took it with you to the airport for the journey to Europe because by then, you had lost the new passport too! How these imperialist conspirators managed to steal your passports beats me, Wimal sahodaraya.

So it now appears as if you have a ‘hybrid’ passport — an old one, a new one, Wimal sahodaraya and this is obviously causing so many problems for you. Since having a purely domestic passport will not be of any use, I think it is now time to think of agreeing to an international passport, don’t you think?

Wimal sahodaraya, you also need to seriously think about getting your important documents in order. First we hear of a mix up in the date of birth in your wife’s passports and national identity cards. Now you end up being arrested for having more than one passport. It seems to be running in the family!

Anyway, Wimal sahodaraya, you can rest assured that all that drama was not in vain and that in the end, in your own way you have contributed something to Sinhala literature. Why, instead of that popular idiom ‘Parangiya Kotte giya wageyi’ now we can say ‘Weerawansa Europe giya wageyi’!

Wimal sahodaraya, there are those who like you and there are others who dislike you but you keep us always entertained. No one can take that away from you. Mervyn is also no longer in Parliament, so we need someone to generate the sensational headlines. You will keep up the good work, won’t you?

Yours truly
Punchi Putha
PS: After being arrested, detained and being released on bail I don’t know when you will be able to plan your next holiday, Wimal sahodaraya, but I do have a little idea for you. I am sure you want to travel around the globe and see the wonders of the world, but how about visiting a place where you have told us you have never been before? That is Sigiriya and is only a few hours’ drive from Colombo. The best news is, you don’t need a passport to get there!