5th Column

My dear Ravi,
I thought I must write to you because you seem to be in the news these days, delivering the first ‘yahapaalanaya’ budget and then getting rewarded with a motion of no-confidence for your efforts. I guess you must be thinking that these days, any publicity is better than no publicity at all!

It was only a few days that the Green Man delivered a lecture on economic policy in Parliament and people were wondering why he was doing your job. But then, Ravi, you have already made history as the first finance minister who does not have control over the big state banks or the Central Bank!

Of course, you delivered a ‘mini’ budget several months ago, soon after Maithri assumed office and appointed the Greens to run the country. We knew that with a general election around the corner, it was nothing more than a gimmick to reduce prices and win votes- and you did a good job of it too.

You have done that again, reducing the prices of ‘essential’ items such as potatoes and dhal and it makes us wonder whether there is another election around the corner. I hope not, because we have had enough of elections this year- and despite all those promises of change, nothing has changed, really!

With the cost of living as it is, I guess we will all now be living on a diet of sprats and dhal. Of course, for special occasions we can always have the luxury of enjoying ‘katta’ or ‘saalaya’ because you have fixed a ‘maximum retail price’ on them. It is extremely kind of you to be so considerate, Ravi.

It is also not surprising that you have abolished vehicle permits for parliamentarians. After all, it was the sensible thing to do because, despite two elections in one year, the same people are back in Parliament for another five years, and they have already got their permits, haven’t they, Ravi?

I was also trying to figure out why you decided to remove taxes on caravans and yachts while at the same time introducing a heap of taxes on cars because, as you said, our roads are too congested. So, it seems as if you have learnt a few tricks from Mahinda maama, who reduced taxes on sports cars!

Of course there are other reasons for the congestion on our roads such as there being so many ministers and each minister having so many vehicles but you can’t do anything about that because you are just the Finance Minister and it is Maithri’s and the Green Man’s responsibility to do that!

You also want workers in the private sector to work only five days a week, just like their colleagues in the state sector. Now, that is something that you got wrong, Ravi, because those in the government sector work as and when they want and most days are holidays for them- not just the weekend!

Although your budget is very much like the countless budgets that have been presented before, I think the budget debate that will follow will be a ‘debate like no other’. That is the advantage of having a government that has both Greens and Blues in it and even ministers from both camps, isn’t it?

For the first time in this country, we will see both the Greens and the Blues lining up to sing your praises and tells us what a great budget this is. The masses are saying this is not the ‘yahapaalanaya’ that they craved for, but you don’t have to worry about them for another four or five years, do you?

I know a small group calling themselves the ‘joint opposition’ have submitted a motion of ‘no confidence’ against you, but I don’t think you should be unduly worried, Ravi because, with the Greens and the Blues together, you will have more support than even Mahinda maama in his heyday.

However, when the matter is taken up for a vote, you must ensure that it is a show of hands and not a secret vote. After all, you have taken away the vehicle permits of all parliamentarians who could have made a small fortune selling them so, in a secret vote, even your colleagues could vote against you!

So, congratulations, Ravi. I know there are whispers of a cabinet reshuffle in the New Year but I am sure you will keep your job. In fact, the way in which you delivered your budget speech in Sinhala — with so many saying they couldn’t understand what you were saying- could be an added qualification!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS: Please don’t lose any sleep over the motion of no-confidence, Ravi. In the worst case scenario, even if you lose and have to quit Parliament, there is always Maithri to turn to, for help. His specialty is helping MPs who have been kicked out Parliament, so he could either get you to return through the National List or appoint you as a ‘Special Projects Officer’, as he did this week! Ah, why didn’t we think of ‘yahapaalanaya’ before?