5th Column

My dear Maithri,
I thought I must write to you to see how you were faring this New Year. After all, unlike in the past, because of ‘Yahapaalanaya’ now we don’t have national television stations broadcasting live from your home when kevum, kokis and kiribath is served at the auspicious time!

It was interesting to see you and your family wearing different shades of Green for the New Year. Some say that this is the more appropriate colour for you because you came to power because of the Greens and even now you are helping them more than the Blues. I’m not so sure about that.

This is your second New Year in office and you were playing the Avurudu Kumaraya even before the New Year dawned- increasing the number of ministers to ninety two. Please pardon me if I got the number wrong because, by the time you get to read this, you may have sworn in a few more ministers.

This is a great move, Maithri. It should silence all those people in the so-called ‘Joint Opposition’ who say that you are not as strong as Mahinda maama. You have shown that you are just as strong as him by doing exactly what he did — stealing MPs from the opposition by offering them ministries.

If I remember right, Mahinda maama had more than a hundred ministers. A day after the three new ministers were sworn in one minister said that there is room for more in the government. Another was saying that a large number of ministers were a necessity because this was a ‘national’ government.

It is not only the number of ministers that is the talk of the town, Maithri, it is also who they are. You had a whole Parliament to choose from and I know there are only a few left there who are not ministers but you seem to have chosen just the right kind of people this time.

First, you chose Lakshman of Mahiyanganaya fame. Once upon a time, he was a lone warrior for the Greens at a time the Greens lost almost all other electorates in the country. He was known as the ‘thani aliya’. Alas, his father, the ever Green Captain CPJ, must be spinning in his grave now!

This is not the first time he has done a somersault. When Mahinda maama wanted the eighteenth amendment passed, Lakshman was one of those he turned to. I don’t know whether he is a diabetic or not, but the poor chap was given the portfolio of ‘Seeni Emathi’ and that was enough to win him over.

Then we have that other chap who began as a media man from the South. He too started as a Green but was also lured by Mahinda for the purpose of passing the eighteenth amendment. It is not as if he has made a great contribution to politics yet and his antics would make a frog go green with envy.

After Mahinda maama lost the presidential race to you, this chap was one of those at the forefront of wanting to ‘wake up with Mahinda’. Even at the general election, he was quite content to hurl abuse at you from election platforms but the other day he was bending over while accepting his new job.

Last but not the least, we have that chap from Mathugama from the Greens who has also been given a ministerial job. Maithri, whatever said and done, I can understand why you gave ministerial posts to Lakshman and the media man: you just wanted to reduce Mahinda maama’s numbers. But, this one?

Didn’t he try to assault his own leader, the Green Man at a meeting just because his son was not given nominations for some election? Didn’t he also attack a Blue political office soon after the general election? Ah, you have chosen some of the best role models for ‘Yahapaalanaya’, Maithri!

I heard that those few people left in Parliament who are without ministerial jobs are now thinking of a new way of getting one: join Mahinda maama’s ‘Joint Opposition’ and start criticising everything you do. That way, they stand the best chance of becoming a minister with some measly portfolio or other.

I think you have found the perfect strategy to ensure that no matter what, you will be in office for at least a few more New Years. All you have to do now is to somehow give a few more ministries to Kumar, Wimal and Dinesh and Mahinda maama’s ‘Joint Opposition’ will join you to oppose him!

Anyway, Maithri, we wish you best of luck. There is no rain, power cuts are looming, the cost of living is increasing by the day but we are being told that everything will be alright in the end because we now have ‘Yahapaalanaya’. So, what else can we say but, ‘suba aluth avuruddak weva’!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS: In a couple of weeks, we are told, the ‘VAT’ will be raised and everything will cost more. I am sure the three new ministers you appointed will be able to look in to it and sort it out. If they can’t, I think there is only one solution: appoint a few more ministers until they are able to find a solution!