What we need to teach our sons, so that they can protect our daughters
View(s):
In a day and age where the words ‘Empowering Women’ is more than just a catch phrase or empty slogan, we often leave their male counterparts out of the equation. The more we get caught up with working with our daughters and taking effective steps to teach them to be strong and independent individuals, the more we forget that there are always two aspects to any argument.I often wonder what creates a mind-set that allows one person to oppress another – be it mentally, physically or emotionally…how it is possible for a person to be verbally, emotionally or physically abusive and cause hurt and harm to another living being. More often than not, probably due to simple physical biology, it is the man who carries out the ill deeds upon a woman. It happens more often than we care to admit and often in a place not so removed from our own homes which – rightfully so – is making it more and more difficult to ignore. Mere days ago, our celebrated athlete and Olympian – a very strong woman by anyone’s standards – sought solace at a national hospital, claiming Domestic Violence. On a national scale, it is devastating to realise that Sri Lanka is fast becoming a front runner in Asia for Gender Based Violence.
The United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) Fact Sheet indicating the Prevalence of Gender-Based Violence in Sri Lanka, 2002-2011 (which works on a system of statistics taken from samples of Women from different parts of the country), paints an extremely bleak picture: 18.3% of pregnant women suffered physical abuse in 2002 in the Badulla district; 94% of females faced sexual harassment on public transport at Maradana Railway Station in 2004; In 2006/2007, 62.3% of women have faced sexual harassment at the workplace in Colombo; 30% of Sri Lankan women have endured wife beating in 2009; A sample of 1,322 undergraduates included 44% who have faced sexual abuse and 36% who have dealt with physical abuse in 2011; and a study of 4,004 households in Jaffna, Mannar, Vavuniya, Killinochchi/ Mullaitivu, Batticaloa, Ampara, Trincomalee, Anuradhapura, Polonnaruwa, Puttalam in 2011 indicated a 51.2% presence of domestic violence. A vile picture at best and one that perhaps shows only the very tip of a very ugly ice berg.
In 2014, Yvette Cooper, a Member of Parliament in the United Kingdom, writing to The Independent newspaper in the UK, observed that “Across the country, the voices for change are getting louder. Campaigners on domestic abuse or sexual assault (are) calling for better access to justice for survivors. Organisations protesting against Female Genital Mutilation demanding the Government acts to make sure schools and health professionals are better equipped to identify those at risk. Campaigners in the NUS and the Girl Guiding movement calling for more direct action against an increasingly misogynistic ‘lad culture’. And across the world, One Billion Rising is asking women to dance, sing and shout for justice and freedom from violence.But we need to back them. This chorus of voices is powerful and is vital for changing attitudes and culture. But they also need support and practical action too. Professionals, parents, politicians, men and women, we can’t keep turning a blind eye.”
So what is our country doing to combat these depressing and disturbing statistics, that by many accounts, have only got worse? Chulani Kodikara, a well respected, extremely vocal and ardent women’s activist and researcher in Sri Lanka, in March 2015 discusses on OpenDemocracy.net that “The Prevention of Domestic Violence Act has opened up an important and new discursive ‘space of struggle’ to debate patriarchal privilege, the sanctity of the family, and the ‘meaning’ of domestic violence in Sri Lanka”. She goes on to elaborate that “When Sri Lanka’s Parliament unanimously passed The Prevention of Domestic Violence Act (PDVA) ten years ago, following a six year advocacy process by a coalition of women’s NGOs, it was generally recognised as a key milestone in women’s engagement with the law. Prior to its enactment the only “legal’ remedy available for a survivor was to make a police complaint, which was rarely taken seriously.” She observes that “The Act fell short of the expectations of women’s organisations on a number of counts…Nevertheless it is a victory gained by the women’s movement in Sri Lanka in a long struggle to address the problem of violence against women within the family and particularly intimate partner violence against women.”
The people in power need to do their bit to safeguard the needy. Perhaps a President proudly stating that “This is what a feminist looks like” as President Obama did at the United State of Women Summit hosted by the White House last week, is a dream for the future, rather than an immediate reality for Sri Lanka. However, the fact that it happened at all, is a victory for women all around the world. The question is, what can we do – as individual citizens and as a united people – to empower our women and educate our men and eventually empower and strengthen a nation through equal and enlightened citizens? As a daughter and sister in an empowered household, I can attest to the benefits of this idea being embedded in young minds, from early days. As mothers and parents, we need to start with our own sons and daughters and educate them from the very beginning of life. We need to do so through words and most importantly, through example: that everyone – boys and girls – are to be respected. We need to pay special attention, that our sons hear the message loud and clear, that their mothers and sisters are to be revered, protected and treasured and abuse – of any kind – is not a method of enforcement. If we all do our bit and start with our own families and do so at an early age, we may stand a fighting chance of someday eradicating Domestic Violence from our beloved country.
All comments, suggestions and contributions are most welcome. Confidentiality guaranteed.
Please email: KJWVoiceforWomen@gmail.com