It’s a school day: Oh no!
View(s):By Dr. Udena Attygalle
I don’t want to go to school! I hate school! I’d rather do anything than go to school!- Calvin in the cartoon “Calvin and Hobbs”.
A child who refuses to get out of bed, and has to be dragged screaming that he can’t go to school on a manic Monday, is every parent’s worst nightmare. In an age where school is more than just a privilege but a “right”, many children, left to their own devices would prefer not to go.
Whereas some are very overt about not wanting to go to school, others might present with the unexplainable headache or tummy ache that only happen on a weekday morning, but never on a fun-filled weekend! While not wanting to go to school is not an illness, not wanting to do so persistently, and being adamant about it, may be a red herring, and there might be an underlying cause that needs looking into. Although an emotionally aware and articulate child may be able to identify and also express what is going on for them, this is not always the case. In Sri Lanka, in a culture that does not emphasis these qualities, many children resort to expressing their distress in behavioural and somatic form.
Truancy, the twin cousin of school refusal meanwhile is not the same thing. A truant child will skip school to engage in more enjoyable ( and sometimes delinquent) activities! They will also do their best to conceal both the act and the omission! A child with school refusal on the other hand just doesn’t want to go to school.
While there are a multitude of reasons why a child would refuse to go to school, they usually fall into a few broad categories. Either the child does not want to leave home, does not want to go to school or refuses school due to temperamental factors. An example of the later would be a child with a rigid pattern of thinking, who flatly refuses to go to school after an incident that may be apparently trivial. Whatever the cause, as a general rule, the longer the child stays away from school, the harder it will be to get him back in.
Not wanting to leave home being the primary issue in refusing school, is not that uncommon in this group. An example would be the case of a child who gets to know that his mother is ill, and doesn’t want to be away from her. A different example would be the socially anxious child who doesn’t want to leave the safety of his own house or room. Or it could simply be because it’s more enjoyable to be at home and play than go to school, and this has been permitted! Thus it can develop into a power struggle. Defiant and oppositional children may do their utmost to be the decision-makers on whether they go to school or not. Parents stepping up, to take charge may seemingly escalate things in the short term, but will ultimately be helping their children.
Reasons at school can again be very varied. Being bullied by peers, not being able to cope with academic work, performance anxieties or even disliking the teacher are a few common reasons.
While some children are able to handle bullying and “grow” through adversity, those without the necessary social skills, support network or temperament, may cope badly. For them refusing to go to school may be the most logical course of action in order to protect themselves.
Difficulties in academic work again could stem from a multitude of reasons. While a generalised learning difficulty and issues with maintaining attention can be easier to detect, there are many other specific learning difficulties that can be perplexing, not only for parents and teachers, but also for the affected children themselves. Probably the most well known of these specific issues is “dyslexia”. Many might remember this being characterised in the Aamir Khan movie “Taare Zameen Par”.
Thus as the reasons for school refusal can be quite diverse, one approach may not work for all. While a firm approach may be appropriate for the defiant child, this may be counterproductive in the case of an anxious child. The approach would also have to consider the secondary effects of all these on the child. It would not be unusual for the child to feel depressed and angry in these circumstances.
When dealing with the issue of school refusal, especially in chronic situations, many parents will be grateful for any help they can get. Other than child mental health services, contributions from school as well as other formal and informal support organisations may be needed. While child mental health services will be able to help identify the issues and come up with a therapeutic plan, the help of school and other services will be needed in implementation. In very chronic situations, having a gradual but definite re-entry plan may be more appropriate, than the expectation of a sudden full week at school. So, a few hours of school with a parent accompanying, or even just getting into the school uniform might be a start. Other strategies could include even getting a friend of your child to pick her/him up on the way to school.
Finally, by being sensitive and alert to what is going on in their children’s lives, parents can very well prevent school refusal. Even when this is not possible, most children (with a bit of help) do ultimately go to school. After all, even Calvin goes to school!
(The writer is a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist)
| When ‘Can’t go’ is common Refusing to go to school is more common after a break from school or a period of transition. Usual periods when problems peak include: after school holidays, after weekends, when changing schools, grades or classes. | |
Back to school: Who can help
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