5th Column

My dear IGP,
I thought of writing to you after hearing about you being in the news – or rather, hearing you on the telephone, making news – simply because you received a telephone call and someone overheard what you said. Who would have thought that a single telephone call would make such a great difference?
All that happened was someone you addressed as ‘sir’ called you about ‘nilame’s matter’. You told him that ‘nilame’ will not be arrested. I can’t understand why there was such a big fuss about such a trivial issue. Why, some people were even cheeky enough to call for your resignation over this ‘incident’!

To begin with, I think you should go on the offensive about this, IGP. How can someone secretly record your telephone call and then play it on national television? Surely there must be some law against that. If there isn’t, you should introduce one and make the minimum penalty 25,000 rupees.

Then there is this guessing game as to who this ‘sir’ is. As the IGP, I don’t think you should be going around saying ‘sir’ to everybody except maybe a few people like Maithri, the Green Man, the Speaker and the CJ. If you address ministers as ‘sir’, there are nearly a hundred of them you should call ‘sir’.
Anyway, IGP, I don’t think you did anything seriously wrong here. All you said was that although ‘nilame’ has been summoned, he would not be arrested without your permission. It is not as if you were selling treasury bonds or defending your private clients in Parliament, like some people did.

Then the matter gets raised in Parliament by someone from the so-called ‘opposition’. And who stands up to answer that question? It is none other than Maithri himself. He says that he too saw what happened and that what you said was wrong. He said he would soon call for an explanation from you.
Now I don’t know whether that has happened already, IGP, but I am quite confused by all this and I will tell you why. Remember, it was this same Maithri who told us a few weeks ago that he was unhappy because he was not being informed when certain people were being taken to be questioned.

He made a public spectacle out of this, lamenting that no one told him what was going on and that he read about these matters only in the newspapers. The poor Bribery Commissioner was so disappointed that she resigned, I suppose because she could no longer work with any sense of self-respect.

So, IGP, when Maithri summons you to call for an explanation, I think you should just ask him what he wants. To me, it seems as if he wants you to tell him when important people are being taken in for questioning but he gets upset when other people telephone you and want to find out what is going on.

This is just a suggestion, but I think you should also ask him what he plans to do about the ‘sir’ who called you. Surely, if he can stand up in Parliament and say that what you did was wrong and call for your explanation, he must deal with the ‘sir’ who called you and created this mess in the same way!
Maybe Maithri should also address the nation – like he once did to tell us that no matter what, he will not be appointing Mahinda maama as his Prime Minister – and inform us as to who this ‘sir’ is and who this ‘nilame’ is and why it is so important that they be dealt with as severely as possible.

Pardon me if I am wrong, IGP, but I thought that when the people of this country voted for ‘yahapaalanaya’, they believed politicians will no longer be able to interfere with Police matters and that the Police and the courts will be able to function independently. They were wrong, weren’t they?

The next time someone calls you, IGP, and wants to know the fate of a suspect, you should summon all the television cameras near you and get them to record proceedings while you tell the caller that you can only tell Maithri about the whereabouts of suspects and that they should be asking him!

Anyway, IGP, I don’t think you need to worry too much about this because, unlike the former Bribery Commissioner, you still have your job. At least now, you know who you should please and who you should not offend. Ah, isn’t it wonderful that the more things change, the more they stay the same?

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS: I don’t think this would happen to you, but even if your job is in jeopardy, you need not fear. I think you can make a whole new career appearing for advertisements for mobile phone companies – I’m sure they will be delighted to have you tell people how important a phone call can be!