What happened to the good old rice ‘n’ curry?
Illustration by N. Senthilkumaran
“Uncle! Will you serve yourself some rice!” commanded Samanmalee (The Sam), my loud-mouthed-but-nice and long-legged and short-skirted niece, at a recent home ‘dinner party’. “Where is it, Dahling?” I asked. “What?” “Where is the rice Darling?” “Right in front of you!” “Can’t find it, Darling!” “You need eye surgery, Uncle!” she said.
***
In my younger days rice was either white or red, not Technicolour like the large Mount Namunukula-shaped heaped dish in the middle of the table as pointed out to me by The Sam.
So, this is the rice! In those days we had basic boiled rice and we didn’t have bits of unidentifiable faunal and floral remains sticking out of it. Apparently, this concoction is called Fried Rice or Pilau Rice or Lampreys or even Biriyani.
There was a lot of stuff on the table that I didn’t really recognise as staple Sri Lankan food. There were bright-red and blood-coloured, recently eviscerated alien viscera like items identified as Devilled Beef, Devilled Chicken and D. Fish: With or without Cashew Nuts.
Many, many, years ago, when I first visited Istanbul, which happened to be in Turkey, I tasted Turkish coffee for the first time. It was a memorable experience and I sipped my coffee in a street café in Sultanahmet with a good view of the Blue Mosque. Ahhhh! It was real coffee complete with a thick bottom layer of coffee grounds. A few years later when I returned to Istanbul I was offended when, in the same café, I was offered something called Nescoffee!
I suppose this had to do with the vast hordes of tourists visiting Istanbul just like the vast hordes visiting Sri Lanka.
Cuisine, which is just a posh word for food, has changed in the Old Republic. You may not have noticed it!
Cuisine is just a posh word for food
Glancing around the table I looked for old staples like Mukunuwenna, Kankun, Pathola, Wetakolu,Bandakka, Kohila and most of all: Karavala or fried-smelly-dried fish!
“Shush!” said my lovely sister Babs. “We don’t serve Karavala at Posh Parties!” Whoops! That was a serious social gaffe on my part. Where was the Kos and Polos? I asked. And the Gotukola? “Shush!” I was commanded again.
There was an embarrassing silence broken only by the sound of serious chomping and slurping and burping.
Funeral wreath
“Have some Pasta and salad, Uncle” said the Sam trying to break the embarrassing silence caused by my request for Karavala and Pol Sambol. Pasta? Pasta, to my knowledge is definitely not Sri Lankan. There were olives everywhere, definitely not Sri Lankan either and the salad on offer looked like a funeral wreath from one of the posh funeral undertakers in Borella, with multi-coloured ‘flowers’ made out of vegetables.
***
I remembered the time in 1974 when Ariyadasa and Subramaniyam, our ‘mess boys’ at Badulla General Hospital, made us young doctors a decent bit of Muss Curry with Parippu, Pol Sambol, Vambotu and plain, white rice! Ahhhhh! And old fashioned omelettes with chillies and chopped onions. I longed for those distant days! We never had olives.
Is there any Insulin on the menu?
A recent headline in a local newspaper declared that “40% of Sri Lankans are Diabetic.” I was not surprised. Apart from starch there was thick, thick coconut milk in everything except in the salad. In the ‘Bad Old Days’ one had to grate and squeeze the coconut to get milk. These days you have tinned or powdered coconut milk. Add coconut milk ad lib, seemed to be the general recipe.
Looking across the table I saw several grossly obese kids and their equally plump parents in a feeding frenzy. They all called me “Uncle” and so they must be family. They were tucking in to the mountain and sucking the chicken bones as if it was their last meal on earth.
“Uncle! You are not eating!” admonished you-know-who. “I am waiting for afters, Dahling!” I said politely and hoping that the famous Watalappan would be on for desserts. Sadly, it was not to be.
Cheesecake and Gateau
Generally speaking, Cheesecake is made with cheese and not with industrial quantities of Gelatine and Condensed Milk; and Gateau is not thickly plastered with rapid-setting-cement-like chocolate. Where is the Watalappan, I asked, rather aggrieved at this display of food snobbery. A kid giggled and then another embarrassing silence followed. “Pass me the Statins, Dahling!” I told The Sam firmly. She kicked me under the table.
There is a lot of food snobbery in the Old Republic.
Buth Kade
I have had enough of this idiocy! Next week I am going to have a dinner party in my own way. I have located good ol’ Buth Kade-type caterers who do ‘Buth Packets’. You have a choice of fish, meat, egg or veg. and guaranteed to be suitable for persons with nut allergy. If you are willing to pay a little bit more extra they even add Karavala!
Do I say “Bon appetite!” at this point?