5th Column

My dear Wimal sahodaraya,

I thought I must write to you when I heard that you had begun a so-called ‘fast unto death’ at Welikada. On hearing the news, my first thoughts were to ask whether Lemon Puff had begun another advertising campaign but before I could say ‘Ban Ki Moon’, they say that you had called off the fast!

I don’t agree with you on most issues, Wimal sahodaraya, but I do congratulate you on your brilliant thinking and clever tactics. Who else but you could stay in the limelight, making headline after headline, when even Mahinda maama struggles to stay in the news, after he was thrown out of office?

Not for you, Vasu’s tactics which amount to hurling unprintable insults at the Green Man. You are not like that Gammanpila fellow who offers an idiotic opinion on every issue under the sun. Nor do you follow Dinesh’s footsteps, behaving like a kindergarten child in Parliament, so he can get kicked out.

Instead, you stay with the original plan: a death fast. It worked in the good old days when Mahinda maama was the boss, you were a minister and Ban Ki Moon was heading the UN. At that time, you were demanding that Moon withdraw a panel that he appointed to investigate war crimes in Paradise.

We knew Moon wouldn’t withdraw his panel and nothing would happen. Even so, there was Mahinda maama visiting you after two days and offering you a glass of water – and how could you refuse that? And the publicity you got from the whole drama – priceless, even if Lemon Puff didn’t sponsor you!

Things are a bit different now, isn’t it, Wimal sahodaraya? You are no longer in the ruling party, let alone being a minister. Mahinda maama is no longer the boss. Some Blues have betrayed Mahinda maama in return for ministerial jobs from Maithri and the skeletons in the cupboard are coming out.

You are languishing in Welikada because you have to explain the small matter of distributing forty vehicles among your family, friends and other acolytes. You say it is a witch hunt. Of course you are innocent until proven guilty but in the meantime, you have to mingle with the hoi-polloi at Welikada.

For someone used to the luxuries of life as a minister, it is difficult, isn’t it, when you have to share your hair gel with Maradaaney Choppey? So, start a ‘death fast’, get your teenage daughter to do the same and get yourself admitted to hospital. Who knows, a worried judge might even grant you bail!

Then, judges will be scared to deal with offenders because they can fast unto death – and the entire lot in the Joint Opposition who are under investigation may be let off scot free. You can become a hero and could be the automatic choice to become our next Justice Minister. And, there can be more fasts!

Mahinda maama will fast demanding to be PM, the GMOA will fast asking for SAITM to be closed, Duminda will fast until his death sentence is repealed, Mahendran will fast asking for the probe into the bond sale to be stopped and our cricketers will fast asking for the Bangladesh tour to be called off!

Or, did you plan to stop the fast anyway? Some say that what happened after your fast seemed so organised – posters appearing, crowds gathering and cameras being at hand. And, I didn’t know that Buddhist monks go about their work writing letters and offering glasses of milk to those who fast.

Anyway, Wimal sahodaraya, you are not the only MP who has been in prison. Mahinda maama was in prison when his mother passed away, SB did his time there and, remember, your government sent the Field Marshal there too. We didn’t hear of any of them staging a ‘fast unto death’, did we?

There are others who staged death fasts but they believed in the causes they fought for – like Bobby Sands in Ireland and our own Thileepan. Whether their causes were just or not, they held true to their beliefs – until they died. But, with you we now know- your fasts unto death are anything but that!

Wimal sahodaraya, I hope you are satisfied with your fifteen minutes of fame. I know you will soon be back to your usual self, insulting others and claiming that you are the ‘panchaayudhaya’ of the nation, but the next time you stage a ‘fast unto death’ you must excuse us if we think it is just a farce.

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS: Wimal sahodaraya, you have got Mahinda maama into trouble as well. When he was asked about you he said that you should be treated differently because you were an MP and ‘not a carpenter or a labourer’. That is even worse than Sajith because at least with him, it was only ‘usa nam security, kota nam kamkaru’ (security if you are tall, labourer if you are short)! But with Mahinda maama, it seems as if, if you are ‘kamkaru’, you are nothing- and that MPs are above the law!