5th Column

My dear doctors of the GMOA,

I thought I must write to you again, to congratulate you on your recent successes. Why, with the government bending over backwards to please you, you seem to be winning all your demands. So, we thought you must be really happy – although your remarks and statements suggest that you are not!

I must say I was most impressed by your clever tactics. It is no wonder you have the best brains in the country, as demonstrated by your ‘Z’ scores that got you into government medical schools. That is why you staged a strike while the dengue and influenza epidemics were rampant. Ah, that’s just brilliant!

There is no better time than this to go on strike, so that the government realises how powerful you are. The rich would get treated at private hospitals and a few unfortunate poor people who fall ill when you go on strike may suffer or even die, but if you didn’t do that, no one would take any notice, would they?

We were equally impressed with your protest march – or ‘pelapaaliya’- that ended in Fort. How lovely it was to see our doctors, obviously the best brains in the country, getting off their comfortable swivel chairs in their ‘channel’ centres and raising their fists and shouting slogans like our worker comrades!

Your boss, that Padeniya chap made a fiery speech that would have made Wimal blush, referring to Lucky and Rajitha as ‘pisso’. I didn’t know that Padeniya was also a psychiatrist. Pardon me, but even if he was, would a doctor who talks of ‘proper standards’ refer to the mentally ill in such a derogatory way?

Then, I am told he also asked what purpose the courts served, if they couldn’t give ‘proper’ decisions. He must have been referring to the decision by the Court of Appeal to recognise those SAITM chaps. And, being the bright spark that he is, I am sure he knows more law than the learned judges in that court.

He needs to be careful, though. Remember, one of your favourite ministers, old SB of Hanguranketha fame once called a court’s verdict a balu theenduwa and spent nearly two years in jail before Mahinda maama pardoned him. Remember, Mahinda maama no longer has the power to issue those pardons.

Speaking of Mahinda maama, dear doctors of the GMOA, a question that has always baffled me is why you didn’t raise such a hue and cry about SAITM during his time? Sure, you made a few noises, but we saw none of these protests, strikes and demands. Is it because you were scared of the white vans?

Now, doctors of the GMOA, all this fuss is about a new medical school and giving its graduates some kind of recognition, or so we are told. Pardon me if I am wrong, but it does seem as if your strike has struck terror into the heart of the government and they have now given into all of your demands.

They are taking over that hospital in Malabe, they have made those SAITM students train for some more months and sit more exams and they are also preparing to declare the ‘minimum standards’ for any medical

school. You have actually compelled this ‘yahapaalanaya’ government to do something.
We thought you would be overjoyed – but you are not! Instead, you are insisting that the government shuts down SAITM. During that protest last week we heard some of you shouting slogans demanding the

resignations of Lucky and Rajitha. Why, you don’t even want those ‘minimum standards’ they offered.
Here’s my advice to you, dear doctors of the GMOA: why don’t you form a political party since you are already behaving like one? That Padeniya chap can be the leader and the skull and cross bones can be your symbol – and honestly, I don’t think you could possibly be worse than the parties we have already!

I am sure many will vote for you because, after all, you stand for nothing but free education and for protecting the lives of ‘innocent’ patients, even if that is through strike action. And just imagine all the issues you can settle, if you are actually running the country – though even now, you think you are.

First you can get those duty free permits that you have to fight for now. Then, you could get your children to all the top schools- for which you had to stage a strike not so long ago. You can close down SAITM straight away what’s more you can have the pleasure of sacking Lucky and Rajitha from the Cabinet!

Under your government, you can devise your method of employment. I am sure it will be based on the ‘Z’ score – and not the ‘usa nam security, miti nam kamkaru’ formula. Of course, under you, those with low ‘Z’ scores’ will be doomed for life and banned from seeking higher education anywhere in the world.

Under a government run by you, you can also ensure that all doctors graduating from government medical schools have the ‘SLS’ mark – such as the ones seen on toothpaste and s-lon pipes- branded on them somewhere that is easy to see. Then you can be sure the public will know who the ‘good’ doctors are.

So, think about all this, my dear doctors of the GMOA. I am sure we will hear more about you in the weeks and months to come. However, I am not sure whether I should say ‘suba aluth avuruddak weva’ to you because, if it is, I am not so sure whether it will be a ‘suba aluth avuruddak’ for the rest of us!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS: A few years ago, another organisation made demand after demand. Governments made generous offers, but they stuck to their original demand. Like you, they too used the lives of innocent people as a human shield. At one point, like you, they wanted to see Mahinda maama in power. Come to think of it, you seem so similar. And, by the way, the name of the leader of that outfit also began with ‘P’!