Walk in, unburden yourself and walk out relieved
A little room for a chat. Pix by M.A. Pushpa Kumara
The entrance is innocuous though located in the very heart of posh Cinnamon Gardens, down Horton Place, Colombo 7. Four rooms accessed through this humble entry-point are airy but small with three comfortable chairs – a cozy little space for a chat.
Worried, stressed and unable to cope……..just anyone can walk-in, talk, open up their hearts and minds, weep, unburden themselves of a load they think is unbearable and leave relieved.
Those who listen intently are simply not judgmental, they do not point accusing fingers and most importantly whoever comes in and whatever they say, stays within those walls.
It is not only visits that they entertain but also phone calls, e-mails and letters and all for free, handled through active listening and empathic care.
Welcome to Sumithrayo, a support service with the tag line: ‘Have no hope? Cannot cope? Talk to us.’
It is to get a glimpse of what they do that we meet two volunteers.
“Confidential emotional support for people who are experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those that may lead to suicide, is what we provide,” says a volunteer, when we are seated in a hall with large posters of different emotions faced by people on the walls, just beyond the rooms, while volunteers field phone calls in three rooms, away from the public area.
The ‘vision’ of Sumithrayo is simple but essential for society which is being buffeted by stormy winds of worry, stress, anxiety and much more. They are striving for a society in which:
* Fewer people die by suicide
* People are able to explore their feelings
* People are able to acknowledge and respect the feelings of others
“Our values are based on three beliefs,” reiterates the volunteer, pointing out that it is the importance of having the opportunity to explore difficult feelings; that being listened to in confidence and accepted without prejudice can alleviate despair and suicidal feelings; and that everyone has the right to make fundamental decisions about their own life.
While Sumithrayo is a non-religious and non-political organization, all their services are provided by trained, unpaid volunteers, 100 currently, who work on roster, once a week.
Sri Lanka Sumithrayo: A helping hand for the troubled
Going to its origins, the volunteer says that Sumithrayo is modelled on the same vision as the Samaritans of the United Kingdom (UK) and Ireland, while following similar principles and practices.
It is the late Joan, wife of the then Anglican Bishop Lakdasa De Mel who established Sri Lanka Sumithrayo as a branch of Befrienders International in 1974, an organization dedicated to suicide prevention. A Briton who made Sri Lanka her home after her marriage, Joan opened wide the doors of her own home and land for Sumithrayo to provide these vital services.
“Joan who led a simple and uncluttered life, channelled almost all her income to charity,” says the volunteer, recalling how Joan guided the destiny of Sumithrayo for 34 years, with her generosity and her passionate commitment to helping those in distress.
Joan was a close friend of the Founder of the Samaritans of UK, Vicar Chad Varah who had been a counsellor to his parishioners but wanted to go beyond that to help people struggling to cope and possibly contemplating suicide. Very early in his vocation, Vicar Varah had witnessed a tragedy which remained etched in his memory. A 14-year-old girl had taken her own life, terrified that she had contracted a sexually transmitted disease. She had had no one to talk to and when she began menstruating had assumed that she was in the grip of a disease.
Moved by this senseless loss of life, he had said that “I might have dedicated myself to suicide prevention then and there, providing a network of people you could ‘ask’ about anything, however embarrassing, but I didn’t come to that until later”.
Vicar Chad founded the Samaritans in 1953 in London, while Joan launched Sri Lanka Sumithrayo in 1974 and it is in the ‘Chad Hall’ the opening of which had been graced by him that we chat about Sumithrayo.
With Joan’s death in December 2008, her legacy of good work is being continued by Sumithrayas, providing emotional support to people in distress, to minimize the incidence of suicide in the country.
According to the volunteer, three main factors could result in suicidal ideations or ideas. They are: Mental health issues such as depression; closely and interconnected alcoholism and addictions; and inability to cope, with too many issues overwhelming the person day in, day out.
“Simply put,” she says, the pain exceeds the coping resources.
Statistics indicate that coping difficulties seem highest in marital and other relationship issues; financial burdens; work problems; issues with in-laws, she says, adding however that research points towards not a single but multifactorial cause.
“When someone feels that there is nowhere to go, nothing to do, that person may grasp on suicide as an end. Most such people have said over and over again that they didn’t want to die, only wanted the pain to go away,” she says.
Among the people who seek their support, those in the age-group 16-30 years are weighed down by relationship issues such as lack of compatibility with their partner or due to being abused and thus being unable to be happy and free. Inter-relationships and extramarital relationships cause a lot of complications. The younger ones are usually stressed or anxious about examinations or challenges in their relationships with their parents.
The volunteer is quick to point out that adults have more resources to cope with situations and children less support systems and also less experience in dealing with difficulties. As such, young children may tend to copy their peers. In the case of families and friends who have to face the suicide of a loved one, they need support as well.
The volunteer, though, underscores the fact that people need not be suicidal to contact Sumithrayo.
“We support all those who need emotional support to cope with any situation,” she says, adding that they will listen with care and concern and befriend or be a friend to anyone whether it is a family, marital, relationship, employment, financial or mental or physical issue or an addiction. “We talk about what’s bothering them and ways of resolving it themselves. We leave the discussion open so that they can find their own solutions.”
When asked how the volunteers themselves cope after listening to tales of woe and despair, she says that among them too there is a strong support system. They also get trained thoroughly and undergo refresher courses regularly and have much fellowship.
To the perennial question whether Sumithrayo has had a positive impact on society, the numbers speak for themselves as well as the scenes described by the volunteers.
Nearly 7,000 people sought the services of Sumithrayo last year, with nearly half being ‘new’ callers, with quite a number being guided towards the organization by others who have benefited.
Some of the callers are so relieved, that they hug the volunteers or go down on their knees in thanks.
For the volunteers, fulfilment comes from seeing people who have walked in tearfully, leaving with a smile on their faces. Immense satisfaction also comes when they call Sumithrayo to tell the volunteers that they are doing fine or just drop-by to say hello.
| Doors open to all in need Anyone — man, woman or child — may contact Sumithrayo either by walking into their office down Horton Place, phoning, e-mailing or writing a letter. Sumithrayo is based at 60B, Horton Place, Colombo 7 and its office phones are: 011-2683981 or 011-2683555. They offer their services throughout the year, during all 365 days, from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. The Helpline is: 011-2696666 and the Email: sumithra@sumithrayo.org With substance use and abuse often resulting from depression, volunteers at Sumithrayo also identify those at risk of or prone to alcohol or drug addiction, and refer them to the Drug Demand Reduction Programme at Mel Medura on the same premises, rendered by a competent and specially trained team. On World Suicide Prevention Day which falls on September 10, Sumithrayo, along with the rest of the world conduct public awareness programmes and light a candle in the evening in memory of those who have taken their own lives. Meanwhile, Sumithrayo volunteers also engage in outreach activities, such as befriending schoolchildren, organizations, prisons, orphanages and hospitals, on request. People may access the website: www.sumithrayo.org or Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sumithrayo.org for more information. |