5th Column

My dear flood victims,
I thought I must write to you in this hour of great distress to assure you that you are indeed being thought of and cared for- although it sometimes may not seem that way. I know most of you must be considering yourselves lucky to be alive in this Paradise of ours – certainly a land like no other!

You must be wondering why you are in this plight, why no one predicted that this would happen and why no one provided you with a proper warning or asked you to leave the areas that could be affected. Well, we knew all that about Meethotamulla but it still didn’t make a difference, did it?

While you are in your camps for the displaced, thinking about everything you lost, spare a thought for Maithri because most people are blaming him for what happened. What could that poor man do? I know he is the all-powerful boss but surely he is not that powerful to be able to control the weather?

To be fair by Maithri, he has tried to do his best to help. And what better way to help than move a few state ministers around and give them new titles although none of them have been removed or newly appointed. Ah, there is nothing like a reshuffle to make you feel that all is well with the world!

Then, while you are in your camps for the displaced thinking about everything that you lost, spare a thought for the Green Man because most people are blaming him for undertaking a private visit to Trump Land. I do feel for him because that poor chap gets blamed, no matter what he does.

Some say the Green Man’s visit was to undergo urgent medical procedures. If that is the case, he is at fault for not letting the people know that. Maybe he didn’t tell us because the last time he tried to help out at Meethotamulla, all he got in return was a lot of criticism and bad publicity for wearing a mask!

While you are in your camps for the displaced thinking about everything that you lost, spare a thought for Mahinda maama because many are blaming him too for taking off to Japan with a delegation in attendance. Surely you can’t grudge him a little rest and recreation every now and then, can you?

If he was still the boss, I could almost picture him tucking up his sarong and wading into the flood waters to rescue people. But he is not the boss now and when you are not the boss, sponsored foreign trips are hard to come by. So, when they do, you have to make the most of it – and that is what he did.

While you are in your camps thinking about everything that you lost, spare a thought for Wimal and Udaya. Had Mahinda maama not gone on his jaunt to Japan, you could bet your dry rations that they would be up in arms about the Green Man going overseas – but now they cannot utter a word about it!

While you are in your camps thinking about everything that you lost, spare a thought for our Minister of Disaster Management, that Yapa fellow. He happened to be overseas too when the floods hit paradise but never thought of returning until his conference in Mexico was well and truly over.

If I were you, I wouldn’t rush to blame Yapa. With all these reshuffles and what not, when he was made Minister of Disaster Management I am sure Yapa thought that he was being asked to manage the Cabinet – or even the Yahapaalanaya government – so, no wonder he didn’t return from Mexico!

While you are in your camps thinking about everything that you lost, spare a thought for our MPs and ministers too. You will know how they feel because just like you, they too have no way of getting about. So, they have done the next best thing- they have ordered duty free vehicles for themselves.

Now, I hope you won’t argue that the money spent on those vehicles should be spent on providing relief for you because when we provide them with those vehicles, I am sure they will use them to travel around and help you in your hour of need. Isn’t that what MPs and ministers are for?

So, while you are in your camps thinking about everything you lost, I hope you don’t spend your time worrying about who is overseas and who is getting what privileges. After all, it is like watching Sangakkara score centuries in England while Sri Lanka is getting thrashed by Bangladesh.

Speaking of cricket, from this week, very soon most people will forget about you and start worrying about Mathews’ injuries or Malinga’s form. Then, when they talk about totals of over 300, it will about the score we should have made and not the number who passed away or are still missing!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS: They say every cloud has a silver lining. The rains that brought about this disaster has one too – it has stopped the GMOA from staging strikes. They are having health camps instead. If that is what it takes to keep our doctors off the streets, and looking after their patients instead, we need a flood or a landslide every week, I daresay!