5th Column

My dear Angelo and the boys,
I thought I should write to you, because most of the country is talking about you and describing your performance as a ‘national disaster’, especially after you gave the nation hope by beating favourites India, only to let a golden opportunity slip away by losing disastrously to Pakistan a few days later.

I do think there are more important national disasters that we should be talking more about and doing more about- such as the recent floods and landslides or even extremists wearing yellow robes and evading arrest but then again, it only shows what an important part of our lives cricket has become.

Angelo, I feel sorry for you, because you don’t have any real say in who is in your team and who is out of it. However, when something does go wrong, like it did in the game against Pakistan, you have to take the blame. It is not as if Dayasiri – or even Thilanga – will offer to take some responsibility.

Malinga, I do feel sorry for you too. You gave it your best shot last week but your fielders didn’t back you up. Your hairdo is still flamboyant and your action remains freaky but it seems globe-trotting to play T20 cricket has taken a toll on your body- though I am sure your bank balance remains healthy!

Thisara, you must be feeling sorry for yourself after spilling the easiest of catches. I am sure Malinga would have given you a piece of his mind. Maybe you should try politics instead, because you are like one of our National List MPs: you keep making it to the final ‘list’ despite your poor performances!

Speaking of National List MPs who keep making it to the final ‘list’ despite their poor performances, there is Thilanga, who I am sure makes an excellent boss for all of you although our cricket team has gone from bad to worse under his watch. But then, you can’t really blame him for that, could you?

He must have been schooled in the ‘it is not to win or lose but how you play the game’ style, so it doesn’t matter to him if we win or lose as long as he is able to be the boss of our cricket. You should reconcile yourselves to that, because even World Cup winning Captain Cool couldn’t get rid of him!

And presiding over all this is of course Dayasiri who, of late, has become somewhat of a pundit about everything- although he hasn’t said much about you. Why, he has been talking about Susie’s medals, the allocation of subjects to Cabinet ministers and even the pros and cons of private medical schools.

Susie has said Dayasiri is worse than good old SB as the man in charge of Sports – and I am not sure whether that is a compliment or an insult. What we do know is that when the tide turned from Mahinda maama to Maithri a couple of years ago, he ran faster than Susie did at the Sydney Olympics.

Dayasiri has also been fuming about the allocation of subjects to his Cabinet colleagues, asking why Ravi was asked to look after lottery tickets though his ministry was Foreign Affairs. I too agree that asking Ravi to look after lotteries is a bit silly but then, who is Dayasiri to question Maithri’s wisdom?

After what all of you have been through in the past few years, tumbling from on defeat to another, I daresay Maithri should be reallocating subjects in the Sports Ministry as well. For instance, he could take away Sri Lanka Cricket from Dayasiri and allocate it to the Ministry of Disaster Management!

Dear Angelo and the boys, I am also wondering whether what we did with our country and the Cabinet should be done with you. Many said that the country was not being run properly. Maithri’s solution was to reshuffle his team of ministers and give them different subjects – and now we are all so happy.

Angelo, you should take a leaf out of his book and think about this seriously. You can ask Malinga to open the batting and Upul to open the bowling. Why, you could even ask Thisara to keep wickets, so he can get all the practice that he needs. At worst, we may not lose any more matches than we do now!

Amidst all our troubles we know that cricket restores our national pride and gives us a reason to smile – even though this has been less frequent in the past few years. So, Angelo and the boys, we do wish you good luck. India will be visiting us in a few weeks – and you will need all the luck you can get!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS: I don’t think you should be too worried about what happens when the Indians play in Paradise in a few weeks’ time. That is because, passionate as we are about cricket, we are proud that we don’t treat cricketers the way some of our neighbouring nations do. After all, Thisara’s house has not been set on fire, has it?