Signs of emotional abuse even smart people miss
View(s):Emotional abuse can sometimes creep into your relationship and gradually undermine your self-belief and confidence.Some of the signs are more obvious than others. Here, Sally Brown, a psychologist of the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists, reveals 14 signs to look out for.
You are mocked
Your other half loves to tell ‘funny’ stories at your expense – whether it’s how hopeless you are at managing money/driving/being organized, or how you always overdo it/make a fool of yourself at social events.
If you object, you are accused of having no sense of humour or being oversensitive.
When your partner makes one of these ‘jokes’ in public, does anyone laugh or is there an uncomfortable silence?
If a joke makes others uncomfortable, your partner is telling it to undermine you.
You feel guilty all the time
You feel guilty or slightly ashamed all the time without knowing what about.
You become hyper-vigilant by monitoring your behaviour to avoid giving your partner a reason to criticize you; a feeling of ‘walking on eggshells’.
The irony is, an abuser can even make you feel guilty for their own bad behaviour – they got drunk because you ‘upset them’ or ‘stressed them out’, or you’re just ‘being jealous’ over their flirting.
Suddenly you need ‘protecting’
If you go out without your partner you’re either given a curfew or they insist on picking you up.
They ask you to Snapchat a picture of who you are with when you get there.
They tell you they are just taking care of you, but really, they are checking up on you, and keeping you on a leash that will just get shorter and shorter.
They make grand gestures
When an abusive partner knows they have overstepped the line, get ready for a grand gesture – an expensive meal out, a surprise weekend away, an unexpected gift or bunch of flowers.
You’re being gaslighted
Gradually, you get the feeling that things just don’t quite add up – your partner contradicts something they have told you previously, or you suspect you’re not getting the whole picture (about their last relationship or why they left their last job).
This insidious form of manipulation is called ‘gaslighting’, and it’s designed to make you doubt your mental health.
They burst your bubble
You come home full of excitement because a great business opportunity has come your way or you’ve been asked to get involved with a project you feel passionate about. But your partner immediately throws cold water on your plans, telling you all the ways that things would go wrong, or that it’s a bad idea – or they start a completely unrelated argument just to burst your bubble.
Backhanded compliments are their stock in trade
When you first met, you felt flattered by the attention your partner paid to how you look.
But as time goes by, the compliments have become few and far between, replaced by comments about how ‘wrong’ your look is – that top doesn’t suit you, you’re putting on weight, what’s going on with your hair?
They have no empathy
If you talk about a problem at work, you’re ‘overreacting’.
You are allowed a short time to vent about major upsets, then you are expected to ‘get over it’ (so you can focus your energy and attention once again on your partner and their needs).
You’re always in the wrong
Whether it was something you said six months ago, not telling your partner something that they believe they have a right to know, or letting them down in some way (putting your needs before theirs), an abusive partner will keep a mental tally and regularly remind you of your crimes.
The purse-strings tighten
Your partner steps up the pressure to be careful with money.
Controlling you financially is a classic tactic of an abusive partner; something known as financial abuse.
They may have started by giving you advice that really helps, helping you sort out debts, or being more financially responsible.
Soon, your partner steps up the pressure to ‘be careful’ with money. But somehow, it seems like it’s always you who has to cut back, earn more and stop spending.
Others become involved
When you met, your partner had plausible explanations for their feuds and falling-outs with friends and family members.
But now it’s your friends and family that are ‘insulting’, ‘attacking’, or ‘trying to sideline’ your partner and you are under pressure to take sides.
People think you’ve changed
People who care about you say you seem quiet these days, or just not yourself.
They wonder why you rarely go out or why you’ve changed the way you dress.
You look forward to evenings on your own
You notice your mood is lighter one day and you remember that it’s the night your partner is going out and you get an evening to yourself.
When your partner is not around, you feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
They are stonewalling you
Your partner can withdraw emotionally from you for days, not making eye contact, not talking, and refusing to explain why (while at the same time, managing to let you know that whatever it is, it is your fault).
They may even disappear for days. When they come back, they will tell you they just needed ‘some space’.
But you may never find out what was really going on.
(C) Daily Mail,UK
(This article was originally published by Healthista )