5th Column

My dear Long John,
I thought I must write to you because you are in the news these days, simply because you told a green election rally that they need not worry about the local government elections as ‘the police now belonged to the Greens’. Honestly, John, I can’t understand what this fuss is all about.

We tend to always criticise our politicians and accuse them of being dishonest. And yet, every once in a while when we come across an honest politician like you who tells us the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, we take them to task for that too. How unfair, you might rightly say!

Besides, you know what you are talking about, Long John, because you have been around for a long time. Without a single grey hair to be ashamed of, you still look young though – and try to act young too – but you are only a few years younger than Sampanthan seeya. Ah, who would have guessed?

In fact, next to the Green Man, you must be the most experienced person in Parliament right now because ever since you entered it almost forty years ago, you have remained there. Surely, that must mean that you are extremely popular with the voters – and what other endorsement could you ask for?

You should also know what you are talking about when you say that the police now belonged to the Greens, because you were once in charge of the police, when the Green Man appointed you as the ‘Interior Minister’. So, you must surely know how they work and who they take orders from.

You may not have very happy memories of that stint, though. That is because Satellite rather abruptly took over your portfolio and those of two others while the Green Man was away in Washington. Now that Satellite and the Green Man are the best of friends, maybe they have sorted out that little tiff!

Long John, although I totally agree with what you said about the ‘Police now belonging to the Greens’, we are not at all surprised that you said so openly. That is because we know that you are no stranger to controversy. It is almost as if you have taken over the role of being the ‘SB’ of the Greens!

There was that time when Mahinda maama was the boss and you, although you were with the Greens, joined him on overseas visits to several countries, including one to visit the pope. You had us all guessing and we thought you would jump ship. Some would say the Green’s loss was the Blues’ gain!

Then, more recently, you chased away journalists using language that would make Wimal sahodaraya blush, threatening to kill them too. Your critics talked about press freedom and demanded your resignation but being the big man that you are, you proudly stood by every word that you said.

That is why Long John, we admire you because with you, we know that what we see is what we get. Instead of pretending that the police are impartial and that it acts without political bias, you told us that it is now with the Greens and because of that, that they should not be afraid of any consequences.

Remember that little incident which was captured on camera where we heard the IGP assuring Sagala that someone will not be arrested? Everyone made a hue and cry about that then but that is surely proof that the Greens run the police the way they want to. So, why find fault with you for saying that?

It is not like when Mahinda maama was in charge. Then, ‘they’ were telling the police what to do and what not to do, instructing judges on how to deliver judgments but pretending that they were above board. At least, you are taking the country into confidence and being transparent in what you do.

Your critics claim that what you said is not in keeping with ‘yahapaalanaya’ which they say is all about clean government. What I cannot understand is why they are finding fault only with you for one remark you made – when nothing else they promised with ‘yahapaalanaya’ has been delivered.

They haven’t abolished the Executive Presidency, they haven’t caught the thieves of the previous era and put them behind bars, they keep postponing elections, some of the Greens are neck deep in scamming the big bank and some of the Blues want to get together with the people they ousted!

With all this, they pretend that they are engaging in ‘yahapaalanaya’. So, long may you live and prosper, Long John, for trying your best to tell us that the more things change, the more they stay the same. We can be happy that there is at least one person in the Cabinet who is telling us the truth!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS: You shouldn’t worry about your future just because of these remarks, Long John. Even if they want to get rid of you, they can make you a ‘senior minister’ and ambassador or even an advisor to the President. So, there is a lot more you can do, especially if you get the last job on that list!