5th Column

My dear Green Man,
I thought I should write to you even though you must be very busy hosting the Prime Minister of Singapore and the President of Indonesia. That is because I want you to know that many people are confused about what is happening to the Greens, with an important election just a few weeks away.

Some people say that you were never good at winning elections. They argue that under your leadership the Greens have lost a record number of elections. They even say that under you, the Greens never even got a simple majority which is why your governments were always coalitions.

Be that as it may, you will agree that the upcoming ‘punchi chandey’ is still very important for you and the Greens. That is why we are puzzled by the behaviour of some Greens, especially when there are so many allegations being levelled against them, by no less a person than the highest in the land.

In case you didn’t realise, I am referring to Ravi, of course. I know that as they say, the chap is entitled to be presumed innocent until he is proven guilty. Still, just in case you have not realised it already, some of the things he says and does will certainly not help the Greens at the election.

The other day, Maithri is said to have stormed out of a Cabinet meeting after giving all of you a piece of his mind about what he thought of Ravi and yet Ravi is now thanking Maithri. He says Maithri’s recent remarks prove that he is innocent – and I am sure voters don’t know whether to laugh or to cry!

I know we shouldn’t pay much attention to comments made by someone who is so confused about his own finances, so much so that he doesn’t know who is paying his million rupees a month rent. The problem is that at the present time, Ravi’s defence appears to be worse than the alleged offence.

Then he tries to make a statement in Parliament, responding to the allegations against him. Karu, the wise old man that he is, probably knew that silence is golden in this instance and didn’t allow it. Ravi then wanted to take on poor Karu, making it look like the Greens were fighting among themselves.

Still, the message doesn’t seem to have got through to the man who was previously signing our currency notes. The next thing we know is that Ravi is releasing his speech to the media anyway, as if he had made it in Parliament – and we have to ask whether he has now really lost his marbles.

If I remember right, Green Man, the Central Bank bond issue was just beginning to unravel at the time of the last big election. Even at that time it probably cost you and the Greens a few hundred thousand votes. Without that handicap, it is likely you would have got an overall majority in the House.

Green Man, this time around it is much worse. Rather than being mere rumours, more facts have come to light. Even someone studying for the Grade five scholarship exam knows about the Central Bank bond scam. So, the consequences are greater. And you have one person to blame: Ravi.

What intrigues me is that despite all this, instead of keeping a low profile, he is keen to shove himself into the limelight. Worse still, he seems to be keen to be seen with you, perhaps to show others that he is still very much in the picture. So, like Mary’s little lamb, wherever you go, he is sure to go!

Now, if I were you, Green Man, I would ask him to resign his seat in Parliament – not just from his ministerial job – and from his post as ‘assistant leader’ of the Greens. I would ask him to pack his bags and go somewhere far, far away so that people forget who he is and what he is supposed to have done.

You haven’t done that – not yet, anyway – and Ravi is still carrying on like a bull in a china shop. Had your uncle JR been around, he would be ashamed of the way the Greens are faring – and he wouldn’t be very proud of you either. And, he would have shown Ravi the door a long time ago.

The Greens have been called the ‘Uncle Nephew Party’ in the past because it was thought to be the party of the elite with its leadership limited to a few families. Preme did change that but if you don’t do something drastic, very soon it will be called the ‘Upanaayaka Nethikarapu Pakshaya’!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS – Green Man, you told your chaps not to criticise Maithri but he is bashing the Greens every day. The next time you accompany him to the loo to answer a call of nature you should remind him how the Greens feel: that it is better to be inside the tent pissing out, than being outside the tent, pissing in!