5th Column

My dear Maithri,
I thought I must write to you because everyone is talking about the mess you have got yourself into following the local government elections. We are all confused about what is going on because what is said today is not what happens tomorrow – and, being the big boss, most people blame you for that.

To begin with, Maithri, you would have to accept that you were given a very harsh message by the voters – the same voters who voted you in to office with a resounding majority just over three years ago. So, I hope you – and those advising you – are asking what went wrong and trying to find answers.

You probably knew this was coming which is why you tried to patch up your differences with Mahinda maama and the ‘pohottuwa’ chaps before the election and wanted to contest together. However, Basil malli was too smart for that and refused to have any deal with the Blue boys.

Then you went around saying that the ‘kaduwa’ or sword is in your hands – which seemed to have replaced the ‘madu waligey’ – and that you would use it to end corruption. You said you won’t form a government with corrupt people from any party, leaving us wondering how you will form one at all.

You trained your guns on both the Greens and the ‘pohottuwa’ chaps. You accused the Greens of the Central Bank bond scam, rightly so, and in your television interviews you also recalled what a nasty boss Mahinda maama was. You hoped all this would win you the election – but unfortunately it didn’t.

At the polls, you came a distant third. The Blues were an ‘also ran’ in some councils where even the rathu sahodarayas finished ahead of them. If you made history by becoming the first person to defeat a sitting President, you made history again – under you, the Blues lost Attanagalla for the first time!

Still, the real circus began only after the elections. There was a mad scramble by the Blue boys to form a government with the ‘pohottuwa’ chaps. People like Susil were talking to Mahinda maama and proudly boasting that a blue government was imminent and that you would sack the Green Man.

Some of your Blue boys were publicly declaring that the Green Man should be promptly kicked out of office because he had “lost the mandate”. Sure he didn’t do too well at the polls but isn’t that demand a bit silly when it comes from a party that has polled only a third of the votes that the Greens polled?

We were reminded of how you declared during your election campaign that if all 96 Blue MPs stood together with you, you could form a Blue government “even tomorrow”. Well, they did say that they will stand with you and support you – but you still couldn’t form a Blue government, could you?

Then there was another mission: to get roly-poly Nimal into the Prime Minister’s seat. The Blue boys were scurrying here and there, holding late night meetings and collecting signatures to show that he had the support of a majority in the House. They couldn’t quite get the required numbers, could they?

I am not sure whose idea it was but some of your advisers suggested that you ask the Supreme Court whether you can sack the Green Man. I don’t know whether you still want to pursue that, Maithri, but if I were you I’d be once bitten twice shy after asking them about staying in the job for six years!

It now looks like you will have to swear in another Green and Blue government. We wonder whether those such as Susil and Thilanga will tuck their tails between their legs and sit in that government or whether they will have the courage to leave. Anyway, with friends like these, you don’t need enemies!

While all this was happening, all that the Green Man did was call the media and tell them that he would remain PM under the Constitution because the very constitutional provision that you signed into law allowed that. He was, in fact, telling you, ‘sack me if you can’- and you couldn’t do that.

The Green Man didn’t cover himself with glory at the election and has some serious soul searching to do himself – but he maintained a dignified silence when you were mocking the Greens during the campaign. He even asked his MPs not to be critical of you. Now, I think he has had the last laugh.

I hope you realise that no one wants to be with you now. The Blues who were with you know they will lose their deposits if they are with you at the next election, so they want to jump to Mahinda maama’s camp. The Greens dislike you because you betrayed them after they got you the top job.

Both the Green Man and Mahinda maama have shown that they are smarter than you in politics. The Green Man has led the Greens for almost twenty five years and survived a coup or two. Mahinda maama will take over the Blues again one day. So, Maithri, this is harder than being a gramasevaka!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS – Maithri, I sincerely hope that at least now, you don’t have any ambitions of running for the top job again. The people told you two weeks ago, in no uncertain terms, what would happen if you do. If you contest again I’m afraid you will make history once more – as the sitting President who got the lowest amount of votes – and history’s verdict on you will simply be: ‘Aiyo Sirisena’!