5th Column

My Dear Maithri and the Green Man,
I thought I must write to you to congratulate you on the second Cabinet reshuffle. We have seen many reshuffles but I must say this reshuffle is like no other because it is just that – only a reshuffle with no new faces joining the team. So, you have kept your promise in the strictest sense of the word.

Green Man, I have nothing but admiration for the way in which you handled a difficult situation. A month ago, there you were, your job hanging by a thread with even young Green elephants threatening to vote against you when the ‘pohottuwa’ chaps brought that motion of no-confidence.

You promised them the sun, moon, and the stars. You pledged to ‘reform’ the Greens. You said that the Greens will get a new look and that younger Greens will be chosen for high posts in the party and will get a say in how the party is run. You will do everything, you said, except step down as leader.

Despite having made similar promises before and not honoured them, your Green boys and girls fell for it, hook, line and sinker. So, they all voted for you. Even Palitha from Puttlam who said he had no confidence in you and Justice Wije who you had sacked, voted for you and you won the vote easily!

That done, you appointed committee after committee to look into ‘party reforms’, Green Man. As someone once said, all these committees were like a visit to the toilet: at first there is a sitting, then there is a little deliberation, then some noises are made and finally, the matter is dropped!

So, at the end of the ‘reform’ process, what we saw was the same people taking up all the top posts. You, who previously enjoyed a reputation of Mr. Clean, even re-appointed Bond Ravi as the Greens’ assistant leader, despite his hands being tainted with all the allegations about the big bank bond sale.

For the post of secretary, you chose Akila Viraj. I have nothing against the young man but we know that although he will always do your bidding, he is not popular among the Greens. His only claim to fame is not knowing how HIV is transmitted, yet he was chosen as your all-important secretary.

That is despite Imtiaz’s name being proposed and being endorsed by many. If the choice was between Akila and Imtiaz it is obvious who the better candidate for the party was but you chose the candidate who was better for you. Once more, everyone had their say but you finally had your way, Green Man.

There was more of the same in the Cabinet reshuffle, Green Man. Because of what you had promised, I feel sorry for people like Harsha, Sujeewa, Eran, Ranjan and Ajith. They must have dreamt of being elevated to Cabinet rank and doing some real work, but now their hopes have been dashed.

Maithri, you too can give the Green Man a run for his money in this business. You now have only two dozen MPs on your side after the gang of sixteen left you to join the ‘pohottuwa’ chaps, so you had to please them and keep them with you to safeguard your own interests and protect you from the Greens.

You have done that too. For instance, the Greens demanded that the Field Marshal be put in charge of Law and Order. If you did that, he would have gone after Mahinda maama the way he went after Velu – and that would ruin your chances of teaming up with Mahinda maama before the next big election.

So, you put the Field Marshal in charge of wildlife instead, so he could look after Tigers – this time, the four-legged kind – instead of hunting corrupt politicians. And yet you keep a straight face and call the selection of a decorated military man as Minister of Wildlife as being a ‘scientific’ appointment!

Then, Maithri, your friend Thilanga decamped to the opposition with the ‘gang of sixteen’. You still had to protect him. So, instead of giving the Sports Ministry to the Greens, you appointed Faiszer for the job – and Thilanga can continue to run the game, even if he is not President of Sri Lanka Cricket!

Maithri, you have also played ‘pass the parcel’ with the ministries of Duminda, Vijayamuni and Mahinda. As a result, Vijayamuni from Moneragala who gets to see the sea only when he visits you at your office near Galle Face to be sworn in, is in charge of Fisheries – and you say this is scientific.

Well, good luck to both of you, Green Man and Maithri, because you will need a lot of it in the near future. I hope that at least you are convinced that what you did was indeed ‘scientific’. For most people though, this reshuffle reminds them of the story of the naked emperor!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS – How is it that after all this, Bond Ravi didn’t get a ministerial job? We heard that the Green Man was desperate to get him one but Maithri, you said ‘no’. Ah, how unfair! He would have been an excellent Minister of Disaster Management because he seems to be managing himself quite well!