5th Column

My dear Mahinda maama,
I thought I must write to you, as people are talking about you once again especially after that Mahathir chap returned to power in Malaysia at the ripe old age of ninety-two. That almost makes it sound as if you are too young to run for high office when the next elections are held in two years!

The parallels with Malaysia are quite similar, aren’t they? The people were dissatisfied with the government in office because those in high places were accused of corruption. That Mahathir chap left the party he had been with for decades and joined a new alliance to contest the elections — and he won.

It is tempting to think that history will repeat itself in our paradise, Mahinda maama. There is no reason to believe it won’t, after the elections for the local councils in February. It is three months since then and both the Blues and the Greens have shown they haven’t learnt from their mistakes.

Still, Mahinda maama, there is one big difference between our Paradise and Malaysia. In Malaysia, that chap Mahathir could run for the top job, because there was no limit on the number of times he could be PM. In Paradise, however, you can’t run for the top job — and that is a big problem, isn’t it?

Now you have to find a candidate to run the race for you in less than two years’ time. It reminds me of how you were mocking the opposition three years ago when they were trying to find a ‘common candidate’. It does seem as if the wheel has turned full circle and now you are in the same plight!

It is good to talk about democracy within your camp but you will have to find someone from the family to run for you, Mahinda maama, because you can’t trust anyone in this business, can you? Certainly not after what Maithri did after being your loyal and faithful servant for more than ten years.

It is not as if you could ask anyone else from your ragtag crew in the ‘Joint Opposition’ to run for you either. If you had Vasu, Wimal, Udaya or even that GL fellow contesting, they wouldn’t get any votes. Dinesh may have a chance but I think he is too honest a politician to able to win a dirty contest.

I suppose you are lucky because you can always rely on the ‘sahodara samaagama’ — your ‘company of brothers’ — to stand for election for you. There is Chamal, Basil and Gota to choose from, but that has its own share of its problems because you would then have to choose which one it would be.

For some reason, Gota seems to be the odds-on favourite for the task. That is interesting because, of the three brothers, he is the only one who has never been a politician or been in Parliament. That is not a problem because when Satellite became PM, she too had never been in Parliament before.

Gota is slowly going about building his image, giving speeches that project him as the ‘chosen one’. His track record as Defence Secretary and winning the war should stand him in good stead. Besides, as we can all plainly see now, being a military officer is better training than being a ‘grama sevaka’!

However, Gota has to clear a few hurdles first. He is still a citizen of Trump Land. Then there are also all those stories about white vans and abductions in which his name is being mentioned. He hasn’t been found guilty of any of that yet, but if that was to happen, your plans might be disrupted.

That is why some are mentioning Basil as a possible candidate. He too has the same problem, doesn’t he, Mahinda maama? There are all those allegations about corruption against him but then, the ‘yahapalanaya’ chaps couldn’t prove anything all these years, so it is unlikely they can do so now.

Then there is Chamal. He appears to be squeaky clean compared to the other brothers but he will be eighty in two years’ time — although that is still quite young by Mahathir’s standards. The problem, however, is that he is the gentle type — and he might find that to be a disadvantage if he is contesting.

I don’t envy you, because you must take a decision soon. There might be another option too: Maithri as the candidate after the two factions of the Blues unite, promising to make you PM. I hope you are smart enough not to fall for that trick, Mahinda maama — after seeing what he did to the Green Man!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS: After Mahathir returned to power, he has promised to retire and make way for his former rival who he had previously jailed. Even if you follow in Mahathir’s footsteps, Mahinda maama, I don’t think there is any chance of you making way for the Field Marshall, is there?