5th Column

My dear Imran Khan,
I thought I must write to you to congratulate you on your success at this week’s election in Pakistan. You have come a long way from being a head of a relatively new political party with only a few seats in Parliament to now claim power, becoming the leader of the party with the most number of seats.

Of course, we in Paradise have known you long before that and that was as a great cricketer. On the cricket field, winning was nothing new to you and you led Pakistan to its first – and, as yet only – World Cup win. Even after you retired, we have heard of you, often due to your flamboyant lifestyle.

We also remember you as a friend of our country, when it came to matters related to cricket. When we embarked on our own World Cup campaign four years after you had won yours, and the finals were being played in Pakistan, we have heard stories of how you were a source of great strength to us.

We have also heard of how, during the final game against the Kangaroos at Lahore, you advised Arjuna to bat first and he chose not to heed it. The rest, as they say, is history but that just goes to show that Arjuna defied conventional wisdom even then, and I can assure you, nothing has changed.

Now you will be batting for Pakistan at a higher level, carrying the country’s fate in your hands. I am not saying that you are not up to the task, Imran, but you will have many challenges ahead because, as you already know, politics is a very different ball game to cricket, where ball tampering is the norm!

Your nation has not been a model of democracy as much as we have been, with the military having a major role in government and Generals like Zia-Ul-Huq and Musharraf leading the country from time to time. We have been luckier, but some say that a military man may be leading us too very soon!

We have never seen a General take over after a military coup, so you know more about that than we do. However, what we can advise you is about running a coalition government because we heard that your party, though the single largest party in your Parliament, will not have a simple majority.

So, Imran, you will need to form a coalition. We heard that you are looking at working with the party of the Bhuttos. Believe me, Imran, if you lack only a few seats for a simple majority, you are better off forming a coalition with a few independents and smaller parties – rather than with a major party.

When you form an alliance with another major party, those chaps will protest and scuttle some of your plans. They will also try to take the credit when you do something right. In the end, nothing gets done and the country is in the doldrums – and I am telling you this from our own recent experience.

Then, I am told that you also have to work with your President, although it is your party which has won this week’s election and it is you who will be the next Prime Minister of the country. Now, this is something you have to be extremely careful about, Imran. Please permit me to explain why.

The President may seem a decent chap who is willing to toe the line and act on your advice, but you must never take that for granted and assume this will always be the case. People change when they sit in the presidential chair and forget how they got there. Again, I am saying this from recent experience.

You have repeatedly accused your predecessors of corruption. Fortunately for you, half your work is done because Nawaz Sharif has already been arrested. Beware though, because he could be out on bail soon and, if you don’t do well, could be in the running when the next elections are held!

Finally, Imran, always watch out for that motion of no-confidence against you. Remember, those who are in coalition with you will try to get back in to office by stabbing you in the back. Don’t trust your own party chaps too much, they too can change sides – and yes, we have had experience with this too.

We wish you well, Imran. You have a Herculean task ahead of you, a task in which none of your predecessors really succeeded. But then, you have already demonstrated that you can do what no other person did for your country by winning the World Cup, so that should not deter you. Best of luck!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS – You won the World Cup for your country, then took to politics, and two and a half decades later, you are now the Prime Minister. Arjuna won the world cup for Paradise and then took to politics and is a minister today. You can’t blame him for being hopeful but spare a thought for him – the tragedy is, he can’t even become the President of Sri Lanka Cricket!