5th Column

My dear Gota and Chamal maama,

I thought I should write to you to congratulate you when I heard that both of you have announced that you are ready, able and willing to stand as a candidate for the next big elections, which are due some time later this year. However, most of us found those announcements amusing – and I’ll tell you why.

Gota, hearing that you are ready to take the plunge came as no surprise. It would have been surprising if you hadn’t done that because for the past few months you were going around as if you were indeed the next candidate – if not the next big boss, already – addressing seminars, meetings and the media.

Still, there are some questions about your ability to run the race because you are involved in several high-profile cases that are now being heard on a daily basis. So, if you were to be convicted of an offence in any one of them, your chances of running the race would suddenly become zero.

There is also the other issue of being a citizen of Trump land. Much has been made about this and you have said that you will renounce this at the right time. You haven’t told anyone whether you have already done so – or whether you would be able to do so within a short period of a few months.

Then, there are chaps like Welgama and Vasu. The former is a man who speaks his mind without fear or favour. The latter is a revolutionary whose ‘use by’ date has long since passed. Vasu can be ignored, but I don’t think you could say the same about Welgama who does have a following.

Both of them oppose your candidacy. They want their candidate to be a true democrat. They don’t think you fall into that category. If Mahinda maama cracks the whip and asks them to support you, I think old Vasu will meekly agree, but Welgama has enough of a backbone to say ‘no’ to you, Gota.

Because of all this, the ‘pohottuwa’ needs a Plan B, just in case you, Gota, fail to make it for one reason or another. Mahinda maama can’t run again. Basil Malli loves being a US citizen more than being Sri Lanka’s boss. That is when Chamal maama would rush in, where Gota would fear to tread.

That makes us wonder whether the ‘pohottuwa’ chooses its candidates only from the ‘R’ clan, like the Blues did only with the ‘B’ clan? Ah, well, the Blues led their party with one or another of the ‘B’s for 50 years, so why shouldn’t you do the same with the ‘pohottuwa’ for the next 50 years?

So, this is why, Chamal maama, on the day after Gota said ‘I’m ready, if you are ready’ you said ‘I’m also ready’. What a smart move that was from the Medamulana boys, trying to convey the impression that the ‘sahodara samaagama’ (company of brothers) is now squabbling with each other.

Do you want us to believe, Gota and Chamal maama, that the ‘sahodara samaagama’, of which one was the boss, and the others were Speaker, all-powerful Minister and Defence Secretary, are now not talking to each other and issuing statements on their own, trying to outdo each other? Nice try!

You didn’t fool us with that, Gota and Chamal maama, but I think most people – perhaps except one very important person – realised what other message you were trying to send. That message is that, no matter what happens, there will be one of the ‘R’s as the ‘pohottuwa’ candidate at the next election.

The important person who seems not to have got that message is Aiyo Sirisena. He still thinks the ‘pohottuwa’ will merge with the Blues for the next election and that he will be their ‘common’ candidate. Even someone with his level of intelligence knows that he can’t run by himself and win!

That is why he is bending over backwards to please the ‘pohottuwa’ camp. He has now appointed a commission to probe corruption over the last four years. That is a good move, but he has conveniently forgotten that he was elected with a mandate to probe corruption in the preceding 10 years!

When he went to the Philippines last week, most of his entourage of MPs were from the ‘pohottuwa’ camp. They seemed utterly clueless and watched open-mouthed at what was going on around them but Aiyo Sirisena didn’t seem to mind, as long as he was in the good books of the ‘pohottuwa’ chaps!

Gota and Chamal maama, we wish you well. However, beware, not so much of the Greens, but of Aiyo Sirisena. When he realises that you are planning to go ahead on your own, there is no predicting what he will do. As we saw in the last few months of last year, hell hath no fury like Sira scorned!

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: I hope you have discussed the line of succession with Mahinda maama. It is all well and good for one of you to run the race this time around, but I hope you don’t have any ideas for a second term. Remember, that is reserved for the Crown Prince, Namal baby, when he comes of age in 2025!