5th Column

Aiyo Sirisena,

I thought I should write to you when I heard your loyal lieutenant, Mahinda Amarey, say that the Blues will announce their candidate in September for the upcoming big election. Hearing that, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry because we didn’t think you would even consider contesting.

Amarey said that the Blue party hasn’t decided yet whether to field its own candidate or whether it could come to an agreement with Mahinda maama’s ‘pohottuwa’ chaps about a candidate acceptable to both parties. If that is not possible, the Blues will run their own race, he said. Brave words, indeed!

Can I let you in on a little secret, Aiyo Sirisena? The ‘pohottuwa’ chaps have already selected Gota to run the big race. Of course, they haven’t announced it yet but that doesn’t mean he is not contesting. So, all you have to do now is to decide whether Gota is a candidate ‘acceptable’ to both parties.

If you think he is not acceptable, you can decide to run against him. Do you really think you will be successful against him, Aiyo Sirisena, considering everything you have said and done in recent times, especially after all those promises you made when you assumed office four years ago?

I don’t know what your advisors and those such as Dayasiri, Mahinda Amarey and Thilanga tell you, but I think even Malinga will get more votes than you if he runs for election. He certainly got more cheers than you did, when you turned up for his final game the other day.

We know that in recent times you have been preoccupied with the death penalty. It seems as if you want to become a hero and make history, even if it means hanging a few people. Why, the other day you were quick to point out that even Trump was reintroducing capital punishment for some offences.

If you are seriously comparing yourself to the most powerful man in the world, I suppose I would have to admit that there are some similarities indeed. Both of you won elections unexpectedly, both of you open your mouths and demonstrate your stupidity, and both of you believe you can do no wrong.

When you compared yourself with Trump, did you know that some in America suggested that Trump was not of sound mind? Now, didn’t we too hear the same accusation being thrown around during that constitutional crisis last year, when you appeared to have lost your marbles?

Then, just the other day, one of your former Defence secretaries told an inquiry that you had asked the Police Chief not to attend a meeting of the Security Council. Now, what kind of a chap would invite opposition parliamentarians to the Security Council but keeps the Police Chief away, Aiyo Sirisena?

Then you tell us that you were unaware of the threats that led to the Easter bomb attacks, and had you been aware, you would have prevented it. The problem with that story is that all those who were aware of the attacks were officials handpicked by you for important jobs in your ministry!

We also saw photographs of you, Satellite and Mahinda maama at an event this week. What surprised us was, Satellite, who said the most abominable things about Mahinda maama, seemed to recall the good old days and was seen sharing a laugh with him − while completely ignoring you.

Until a few years ago, everyone agreed that Satellite did little for our country while she was in charge. Because nothing much happened during her time, most people neither liked her; nor did they dislike her. Now though, they loathe her − and that is because it was she who foisted you on all of us.

I am sure Satellite too dislikes you now. That is because you will be the person who presides over the death of the party her father founded and her mother protected, which she herself led many years later. You have done what no one − not even the great JR − could do: cause the demise of the Blue party.

Anyway, Aiyo Sirisena, you must be counting the days to when your term ends. We certainly are, and there are only just over a hundred or so left. We hope you can make the best of it. Thereafter, I am sure we will miss you. Whatever said and done, no one can deny that you gave us something to laugh at!

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: If it is of any consolation to you, the Greens too are still trying to figure out who the best candidate would be. It has been suggested that even Lucky K from the central hills − the chap who famously said that any idiot could wage war − could be a candidate. So, you could still stand a chance!