Victory in the wake of defeat- Facing defeat like a pro
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Victory is a luxury, which is adored by all. It is only a portion of a much more complicated ordeal.
With every victor, comes a vanquished; the defeated. Defeat is a natural phenomenon. When a coin is tossed, it either lands on heads or tails. Likewise you either win, or either you lose; there is no middle ground. Not a single soul is given immunity to defeat, and even the best of us have to taste its foul essence at certain points of our lives.
A person should be able to accept both sides of the double edged sword with the same composure. Learning to face defeat is a sign of maturity which should be practiced from a younger stage. With the Advanced Levels for 2019 nearing completion, this is the ideal time to know what to expect, and how to face the inevitable. These are a few ways a student can attempt to face defeat like a champion, if the need ever arises.
Re-vitalize dignity
The best thing to do is to take responsibility, and forgive yourself for whatever misfortunes that comes your way. Give yourself plenty of self reassurance.
It’s okay if you isolated yourself but in doing so it is best to talk to yourself to boost your courage. Give yourself positive feedback. Convince yourself in facts like “ It doesnt matter because I know that I put forth my best effort”, “It was just wasn’t my day”, “Its okay that I didnt pass, I just didnt expect that question to appear in that way” or “Next time I will give double the effort”.
Evade negativity at all cost. If it is felt that any individual is getting you down, keep a distance. Avoid self contemplation at all cost. Forget about the stereotypical ‘what ifs’ because it clearly isn’t it, and there is no point of pondering on alternate outcomes since the outcome is clearly established.
Keep a level head by reaffirming yourself, and let go of negative self-devaluing thoughts. The first stage to face defeat is to get a grip on your own mentality.
If you ever find yourself on the losing side, never forget to show excellent sportsmanship. It might sting to see that your friends have done better, but that’s just a fleeting jealousy.
Refrain from trash-taking and in the process distancing those who are close to you. Congratulate them, and motivate them to keep the momentum going, since they would wholeheartedly do the same for you.
Even if the desired results weren’t achieved, remember that it isn’t the end of the world. There is life without AL results, regardless of what the society might make you believe. Think about the positives, the good memories which was accumulated through the journey from start to finish.
This is the end of one journey, and it isn’t like one of those video games where it is mandatory defeat the final boss to proceed; you can proceed regardless of the outcome. Even if it isn’t the result which was expected, a considerable amount of knowledge was acquired which is beneficial for the future. Comprehend your potential and evaluate on how far you have come, for surely you arent the same person who you were before you took up the challenge.
Dealing with the outcome
Give focus to the process, not the result. Instead of perceiving the whole situation as a defeat, visualize the event as a process and appreciate all the effort which was put in for the achievement.
Even if the outcome isn’t what was expected, you can always find some sort of pride within the minor victories you received during the way. Remember that company accounts sum which you finally got to balance?
And that absurdly long equation which was answered?Remember how you actually showed up for the exam, even if the environment conditions and your physical condition acted as detriments? Its the little things in life which usually goes ignored which makes the difference, and it is best to appreciate them quite often as possible.
It is okay to feel bad in the way of defeat; even if it is a regular occurrence. It is a normal to show emotion. If the need to cry arises, feel free to do so. If its anger which is felt, then by all means throw a small tantrum. Let out the frustration without letting it bottle up. However, it is essential to know the limits. It is normal to sulk for a day or two, but make sure that it isn’t prolonged for weeks and months.
If you need to, call a friend or family member to talk it out. Often times, talking it out will help you realize where you went wrong, and you will be able to find ways to improve your mistakes. It is important to acknowledge your mistakes, and to get back on your feet as soon as possible.
At times, it would seem as if defeat is the only entitlement fitting for your caliber; it may never seem to end. Never let these defeats define your existence. Remember, the final war that needs to be waged is between you and your insecurities. If the insecurities gain the upper hand, then that is where the true defeat lies. As mentioned, convince yourself that the next effort made is even better than the last. If the same mistakes are repeated, and an additional effort isn’t exerted, then the entire process is deemed futile.
When handling defeat, always take responsibility for it. Do not assume even for a moment that you are born with special entitlements, or that the entire world owes you a miraculous victory.Do not blame your parents, teachers, friends, neighbours, neighbours perfect child, the economy, or the competition for your failure. The sooner you can accept your defeat as your responsibility, the sooner you will be able to learn from your mistakes and move on.
Moving on from the ordeal
Learn to see opportunity in your defeat.Although it is hard to see at first, there is opportunity in every defeat. By assessing what went wrong, you can learn valuable lessons that will prevent you from making the same mistakes.
Reflect on the situation and look for opportunities to improve in the future. Try asking yourself questions like, “Where are my opportunities for improvement?” or “What knowledge have I gained as a result of this process?”.
Perhaps the defeat will reveal that you were meant to do something else, or that you wanted it for the wrong reasons. Remember that tomorrow is always an opportunity to begin anew.
When something doesn’t go as planned, look for guidance from an expert in your field. If you have a mentor, speak to your mentor about what went wrong, and about the ways you can fix the issue. You can also look into blogs, social media, or discussion boards for advice and support. Remember that you are a student who is always learning and improving.
You can deal with your defeat by continuing to work at and do the things that give your life meaning. If you like to sing, sing. If you are a writer, write to your hearts content. If there is a passion to read, get your hands on a couple of books and let the good times roll.If you blog, continue to blog.
You can even blog about your experiences with defeat. This way you can help yourself, as well as other people who are experiencing the same thing. If you enjoy volunteering, volunteer for your favorite charity. The point is to not let defeat ruin other opportunities that might be available.
Forecast future progress
Keep moving forward by setting goals. Identify the next steps you will take to achieve your goals. For example, if your goal is to get into graduate school, mark on your planner when you plan to have your personal statements written, your recommendation letters sent out, and the application completed. By setting goals, you can keep your mind off of defeat, and stay focused on the future.
Don’t assume that you will win or be successful. Over-confidence can lead to defeat just as often as not being well prepared. You can buffer yourself from defeat by having back-up plans. For example, have your main plan, that getting into a state universities. But if you don’t get accepted into a graduate programme of your choice, keep a couple of private education options available. On the other hand, you can venture into available job opportunities or internships just in case.
If you believe in yourself, and are passionate about what you do, there is no such thing as defeat. Always remember to keep a positive mind set. Identify negative self-talk such as, “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t do it.” Reverse this negative self-talk by telling yourself, “I can do it, I have done it before, and I will do it again”. Take time to reflect.
Reflect on previous situations in your life where, against all odds, you pulled through and made something happen. They can be as small as making the basketball team or as big as landing a job. By remembering these instances, you will be able to pool your inner resources, and find the strength to do it again.
If you cannot find the inner strength to refocus, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Contact a mentor, a friend, a family member, or a therapist. Tell them that you are having a hard time focusing or refocusing on your goals.
Review with them what happened, and what you want your new goals to be. Make a list of the goals that you would like to accomplish in the next week or month.
Try to start out small so that you can accomplish these goals and feel better about your situation. For example, one of your goals could be to look for and read books about how to bounce back after you have experienced a major defeat.
Next time you feel that victory is miles away, take note of the facts which you just read. Defeat doesnt necessarily have to be a bad thing. It is a bittersweet reality which is the ideal learning curve which anyone could wish for. In the wake of defeat, it is best to be a defeatist, but do not halt from that defeat.
Rise through the ashes, like a phoenix, revitalised and reaffirmed, with little traces of the previous defeat as possible. In the end, the manner in which the inevitable is faced can be seen once the results are received before Christmas. Whether it makes or breaks the festive spirit depends on the manner how the outcome is accepted.
- Randheer Mallawaarachchi