5th Column

My dear Choka malli,

I thought I must write to you to congratulate you on being sworn in as a Member of the House by the Diyawanna Oya, despite some people trying to prevent you from doing so. You may not realise it, but this is a great achievement that will go down in history and will be talked about for years to come.

That is, of course, not surprising for us citizens of Paradise. Why, 60 years ago, we gave the world its first woman Prime Minister, that gracious lady, Mrs B, well before the Gandhis, Golda Meirs and Thatchers – and we now possibly have the world’s first MP who is also a convicted murderer!

I am at a loss to understand why some are protesting against you taking oaths, Choka malli. As your learned colleague, the esteemed law professor GL was trying his best to convince all of us, you are entitled to the presumption of innocence until you are well and truly proven guilty by all courts.

It was of course the same GL who argued vehemently that the Field Marshall couldn’t attend the House by the Diyawanna Oya when he was found guilty of a much lesser offence – but we all know that this is exactly what GL does: this man with the lean and hungry look speaks with forked tongue.

The courts have found you guilty of murder. Those who defend you say you can still appeal to the highest courts in the land – and they may still acquit you. Even if that doesn’t happen and you remain in jail, I’m sure Gota maama can grant you a pardon and get you back to the House.

I have a suggestion to overcome all this controversy. Now that there is a 20th Amendment being brought in tailored to all the needs of you-know-who, why not add a clause to that saying those who have been convicted of murder can enter the House. That will clear this up, once and for all, won’t it?

With people like ‘Bar’ Johnny in Kurunegala, ‘Raththaran’ from Kaluthara, ‘Miriskudu’ Prasanna and Lanza in Gampaha and ‘Match Fixing’ Mahindananda in Kandy returning to the House easily, the 20th Amendment can even say that being charged with an offence should be a requirement to be an MP.

After all, you didn’t scrape through to the House by the Diyawanna Oya. You polled the second highest number of preferences in the gem district, second only to Corona Devi. I truly marvel at the wisdom of our voters. Remember, once they gave more preferences to Mervyn and Paba than to Karu!

It is a sorry sight to see Cheerio Sirisena on the same side as you now. Given the convenient memory lapses he has, he may have forgotten that you were convicted of murdering someone who was putting up a stage for him at Kahawatte, during his election campaign against Mahinda maama five years ago.

Still, you are lucky, Choka malli, that Cheerio Sirisena is not in charge anymore. He was the chap who was threatening to send people to the gallows and actually execute them. Yet he ended up pardoning someone who had been given the death sentence, so maybe you could have won him over too!

I don’t think you need to worry about your future, Choka malli. You have only been convicted by the High Court – although the judge there did say that the case against you has been proven beyond reasonable doubt. As I am sure you are aware, there are two other courts that you can appeal to now.

We already have a professor of law arguing vehemently about how innocent you are. Then, the way in which appointments to the higher courts will be made will change when the 20th Amendment is passed. Thereafter, the way the wheels of justice will turn will also change, so you need not worry.

You attracted a lot of criticism last week, Choka malli, even from those who voted for Gota maama expecting to see more people from ‘Viyath Maga’ in the House. Still, it is evidence that we have a mature democracy when we try to ban cattle slaughter but bring in convicted murderers to Parliament!

Having already found to have broken the law, Choka malli, you will be given a chance to make laws as well, when you vote for the 20th Amendment. You were given a week to study that Amendment and a month to study the ban on cattle slaughter. We have got our priorities right, haven’t we?

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: If you think you are the happiest person now that you have been allowed to return to the House, you are wrong, Choka malli. After seeing what happened to you, there is another person who must be having renewed hope of returning to the House, perhaps after being pardoned. His name is Duminda.