5th Column

My dear Basil maama,

I am writing to you to congratulate you on achieving the near impossible, getting the 20th Amendment to the Constitution passed when it looked like you would fall one or two votes short of a two thirds majority. Regardless of others who take the credit, we know it was you who was responsible for that.

Your task was made easier by the coronavirus. Strangely, the virus seems to come to the rescue of the ‘pohottuwa’ chaps whenever they need it. The opposition couldn’t conduct a major campaign against the amendment because, after months of hibernation, the virus was on the rampage again.

The fact that the Greens are no longer in Parliament would have also helped you. Of course, the ‘telephone’ chaps have replaced them but they are a rag tag bunch and it will take a lot of effort to get them to work together. You were smart enough to realise this and this is where you went into action.

When it comes to fooling the masses, Basil mama, I take my hat off to you. During the two big elections, both held less than a year ago, minority communities seemed to be the enemies of the ‘pohottuwa’ chaps who said that they wanted to make Paradise a great Sinhala nation once again.

The masses were fooled because the election results reflected that. The majority overwhelmingly voted for the ‘pohottuwa’ at both elections and the other communities voted against them. That is why Gota maama said while taking oaths that he proved he could win with just the votes of the majority.

Having come to power on that promise, you then win over the few ‘minority’ MPs in Parliament when you need them. I suppose we will know what you offered them only when you write your memoirs, but you just proved Lincoln wrong- you, Basil maama, can fool all the people all the time!

You must have known that, even with everyone in the ‘pohottuwa’ camp voting for you, you would be left with a vote or two short. After all, you are not new to this game- this is what you did 10 years ago when Mahinda maama wanted the 18th Amendment passed, so he could contest for a third time.

What I like best though, Basil maama, was how you struck a deal with that lady Diana who, in the end, was not ladylike in her behaviour. It must have really hurt Sajith and his telephone chaps to find their assistant secretary who had rights to the party symbol defecting- and then making nasty remarks.

I don’t know who drafted her ‘cross over’ speech but these are the perils of giving a leading role to a two-bit teledrama actress. She fluffed her lines, got her Shakespeare mixed up, claiming ‘Antonio’, and not Brutus, killed Caesar- although I don’t think she has even heard of the Merchant of Venice!

I am not sure who else was in the House at the time to correct Diana because it seemed that no one- not even so-called ‘scholars’ such as GL- was at hand. So, next time you give her an important job, Basil maama, maybe you should ask her to recite a simple ‘pel kaviya’ instead of Shakespeare.

I also hope Gota maama is not too upset at what Diana said. In her eagerness to get into Gota maama’s good books she compared him to Caesar, saying she was supporting him because she loved her country more. I don’t think she knew that this is exactly what Brutus said after murdering Caesar!

You must be busy these days, Basil maama, writing the script for the next act in this drama. We know what can be expected. Someone will resign, you will enter Parliament on the National List now that the barrier on dual citizens has been lifted and become a Minister, probably in charge of the economy.

Then, Gota maama will also get you to handle the trickier issues that crop up- such as justifying pardoning Duminda and entertaining Pompeo after all the anti-American rhetoric during the election.  Still, with the masses having short memories, you and I both know that they can be treated like asses.

I must admit, there is a sense of déjà vu in all this because it seems like a replay of what happened 10 years ago. Afterwards, you had to flee the country and Wimal blamed you for Mahinda maama’s election defeat. For the sake of Paradise, I hope, Basil maama, that history won’t repeat itself.

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS- We are confused about the ‘second wave’ of the corona virus after being repeatedly told there is no community transmission though cases are emerging from everywhere. Can you just announce there is no community transmission, Basil maama? After all, only you can fool all the people all the time!