The Art of Rejecting REJECTION
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Many a times we tend to demoralise ourselves or give up the momentum in life, the minute we are rejected by someone, especially those whom we believe are near and dear to us. Rejection is a very powerful weapon that has the ability to paralyse a person’s entire mind.
Taking into consideration the psychiatric patients, most of them have been subjected to some sort of rejection, which was too heavy for their minds to absorb. An electric appliance can be burnt and damaged if it is subjected to a high voltage of electricity that exceeds the capacity of the equipment.
Just as our physical body has a limit of weight that it could endure, so does our mind. A person’s mind competence depends on how each person has enhanced their mind capacity of their strength through constant and continuous training.
In order to overcome rejection and move forward victoriously, we need to be attentive to many important aspects. To begin with, you need to analyse yourself, and determine your main source of happiness, approval, validation or embracement. Is it “you” or do you seek it from “another”?
As human beings it is natural for us to seek love, approval and validation from others, but the danger of it passes in if the main source of your happiness solely depends on the love and concern that you get from another, then it is very dangerous as it would be catastrophic the moment the love or the relationship is disconnected. If your happiness is based on how you accept and love yourself then the rejection of others will remain irrelevant.
Thus, the essence to overcome rejection is to proceed, based on your opinion about yourself rather than setting the parameters of your happiness on others opinions about you. This does not mean that it is insignificant to consider what others may think of you, as another person’s viewpoint might be a great dipstick of self-evaluation.
Considering the viewpoint of others for your self-development, and considering their viewpoint as the prime source of your happiness is absolutely two different aspects. Therefore, reassess yourself, are you a person who is purely existing on the approval, acceptance and validations of others or do you function based on self-approval, self-acceptance and conscious validation.
What is more significant is what you think about yourself, not what others think of you. Are you content for who you are and what you have got through? Well, people will surely judge you based on the trivial information they have on you. It is phenomenal how people are inclined to jump into conclusions on others based on the very little information they retain. Sometimes people tend to judge others based on one single saying or photograph, which certainly cannot justify the nature of a person.
Prior to entering the second chapter of my life, I was living based on the love and acceptance of others. When someone I consider affectionate does not smile with me or forgets to greet me, I used to feel devastated and reminisce about it the whole day. Likely when someone who was in a relationship with me left me, I used to run after destructive alternatives such as marijuana or drugs, to overcome the pain. The soreness was unbearable as my happiness was purely based on how others treated me and not on how I treated myself.
I am not ashamed to reveal that I was purely a puppet, dancing to the tune of others, controlled by the way they approved, accepted and treated me. My happiness and sorrow was merely decided by them and not me. This is indeed a very dangerous situation, it is the precise reason I mentioned earlier that rejection is a very dangerous weapon that could completely paralyse the mind.
Henceforth I have transformed my point of view on rejection. I am accepting it happily as an essential component of self-development. Sometimes you must prune the plants in order for them to grow healthier. Some people tend to hinder your growth, but if you relinquish them, then you will be able to advance further. Unfortunately you hold on as you are afraid of the temporary hurt or loss you may have to face if you are rejected, but once the people who do not accept you leave, you will eventually witness that it is more beneficial for you to see them leave.
A flea or tick feeds on the blood of a dog, making it feeble. When they are removed the dog may feel a bit of pain, but it will surely feel much better once it is taken off. People are actually not afraid of rejection; they are afraid of its consequences. When a person leaves you, you think that you will be left alone and you will not be loved anymore.
Well, that is incorrect, rejection is an opportunity for many novel ventures. I was rejected by many when I was weak and poor. That was an opportunity for me to discover who my real friends are, and how many of them actually love me for who I am. As a result of all the rejections I experienced, I have built solid lifelong relationships as of now.
Train yourself to seek the approval of your conscious rather than the approval of others. If Thomas Alva Edison sought the approval from others prior to developing the bulb, all of us would have still been in darkness. If the Wright Brothers sought the approval of the masses to develop the airplane, they would have been considered as lunatics, and they might have even been warded at a mental hospital.
Advice and approval are two different attributes. It is always advantageous to seek advice on anything and everything as long as you obtain them from the accurate source. Please do understand that anybody at all would love to advice you, as it makes them conceited when you sort their advice. So do not consult the carpenter to find out about your haircut, neither ask the barber about the medicine you ought to take when you are sick. If you acquire the ability to be happy with yourself, then rejection will have the least impact on you, as you are already satisfied with who you are, thus you do not seek happiness from external sources. According to Louise Berliawsky Nevelson “All great Innovations are built on Rejections”. Today, I take great pleasure in all the rejections I have gone through, they all encouraged me to strive for the one who will never reject me at all.
Live your life true to yourself, never attempt to pretend, people will be fond of that misrepresentation and not you. The moment they identify the real personality they will reject you, as you are actually not the person they expected. Therefore, be real. Before marriage I revealed everything about myself to my wife, I wanted her to love me and accept me for who I am.
I did not want her to be deceived by a pretence personality that will not long last. Today we live a greatly felicitated life which is very smooth and easy as none of us need to put in an additional effort to maintain a fake image.
We live a stress free life, being who we are and not for who we aspire to be. It is wonderful to have great aspirations and dreams but one should never forget to live in the present true to thyself.
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philipnehri@chandanalepa.lk