Love is in the app… or not!
View(s):
There are countless dating apps out there that can kick start the search for love or companionship. Even during lockdowns caused by the pandemic.
“Technology is indeed both a blessing and a curse. It helps people spread their net far and wide to maximise the likelihood of finding ‘the one’. But it also gives people the impression that there are more fishes in the sea. This prevents them from settling because what if there is something (someone) better out there?” says Dr Goh Pei Hwa from the Jeffrey Cheah School of Medicine and Health Sciences, Monash University Malaysia.
In terms of relationship initiation, people enjoy a lower risk of rejection when dating online. It is safer in a sense that if you get a match, and talk to a person, you already know that they have swiped right on you too. “So, you don’t have to meet a person and then try to suss out if they are into you. A match already tells you that you are speaking to someone who is at least, on the most basic level, interested in you in some way,” Dr Goh adds.
However, there is also the downside to that. “Now, imagine that you get a bunch of matches – yay! But days go by, and no one starts a conversation with you. You initiate a conversation, but then the person ignores or unmatches you. Or what about when the conversation actually gets going, and you’re feeling hopeful, but then the person decides to stop responding? This is such a popular phenomenon that people have coined the term “ghosting” for this disappearing act.”
Dr Goh asked 319 Malaysian young adults if they have ever ghosted someone or been ghosted. According to the responses she received, more than half of them have experienced either. Herein lies the dark side of low-risk communication. Online communication provides a haven for people to connect with others and an equally safe one for people to end relationships with minimal confrontation. Rejection stings, but it hurts more when it happens unexpectedly and without proper closure.
Despite all of that, technology has no doubt been helpful when it comes to initiating relationships. People have reported much success in finding their partners with the help of technology. Having the opportunity to meet people outside of their social circle is something exciting. It can also help people learn more about themselves and what they seek in a partner.
While it looks like many people are on or have been on dating apps, only 40 per cent of Dr Goh’s participants have used a dating app at some point in their lives. She had expected more, especially since she was asking a sample of young adults, who were mostly from the city.
The attitude towards online dating is shifting. Humans are adaptive beings. Give them an obstacle, and they will find a way to overcome it. Dating apps were busy in 2020. There is no lockdown on love. According to Dr Goh, people could still satisfy their need to belong through dating apps, even when some of them couldn’t go outside to socialise. People fell in love over text messages, voice calls, and video calls. Technology was and continues to be our saviour during these times.
Dr Goh says that in terms of relationship maintenance, technology has done wonders for long-distance relationships—no more expensive international phone calls or snail mail. Video calls are the new norm. Technology provides us with easy access to communicate with your partner. We all know how important communication is to relationship quality.
The ease of accessibility to others that technology affords has also made infidelity easier. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to seek out like-minded people, who are also interested in extramarital or extra relational affairs.
“But, is technology the cause of such relationship-harming behaviours? The way you answer this is probably similar to how you would answer the question: Do guns kill people? Guns don’t kill people. People kill people. Technology doesn’t make someone a cheating, inattentive partner. It may provide more opportunity for a partner to cultivate such behaviours, but I won’t say it causes it,” Dr Goh explains.
A Monash degree can offer you personal enrichment and enhanced career opportunities. Join our Virtual Open Day and Postgraduate Preview on
22 May 2021, from 12pm to 5pm (Malaysian time) to explore our degree programs.
More details at
www.monash.edu.my/open-day