5th Column

Hello machan Dumi,

I didn’t think I would be writing to you so soon, although I knew I would have to, sooner rather than later, knowing that Gota maama would grant you a pardon one day. Honestly, I can’t understand why all these people are expressing their shock and horror – we all knew this was on the cards, didn’t we?

I was disappointed, though, that you chose to leave the prison through a rear exit. I think you should have left it through the main entrance at Welikada, and there should have been people present to garland you, eat kiribath and light crackers because there was nothing to hide in this entire exercise.

I don’t know why people are so surprised. Have they forgotten that when Gota maama was Defence Secretary, you were the so-called ‘monitoring MP’ in that Ministry? Having worked together for so long, surely, he wouldn’t abandon you now in your hour of need. After all, what are friends for?

It is so nice to see you again, hale and hearty even though you are perhaps a tad overweight. That must have been because of ‘all play and no work’ for you in prison, even though your sentence was for ‘rigorous imprisonment’, because you were a privileged chap, even when you were in prison, Dumi.

It is no co-incidence that your release was done on a Poson Poya day. Social media pundits say that thousands of years ago we had ‘mahindaagamanaya’ and this year we had ‘dumindaagamanaya’. We know that this time, it was the ‘mahindaagamanaya’ that enabled the ‘dumindaagamanaya’

Poson or not, I dare say it was the perfect time to let you go free. The country is in the throes of a pandemic and in virtual lockdown. People are struggling to make ends meet. In such a situation, they won’t care less whether you are allowed out or not.

In fact, Dumi, I think Gota maama has demonstrated yet another innovative method of saving money for our country. What he has done means that all those years – and the money – the government spent prosecuting you are in vain. By a mere single stroke of his pen, he has brought all that to a halt.

The Bar Association will cry foul. The judiciary may see this as a slap in their faces. Still, what Gota maama has shown us is that there is no need to spend millions on maintaining courts, hiring lawyers, using up Police officers’ time, when he alone can decide who should be in prison and who should not.

After all, it was only a few months ago that 6.9 million people put their faith in Gota maama and elected him to the top job in the country. The people then followed it by giving his party a near two-thirds majority which enabled him to amend the Constitution so he could have even more powers.

So, why should we complain now when he is using those powers as they were meant to be used. He hasn’t done anything illegal, has he? He was called ‘veda karana apey viruvaa’. So, we shouldn’t be complaining now when he’s doing ‘veda’ or work – like granting you that pardon.

Just imagine how smoothly the justice system would work if we let Gota maama and Mahinda maama decide on who is guilty and who is innocent. Maybe we can even allow Sabry to decide on the less important cases.

That is because Ranjan is in prison, Rishard is in prison, too, and even poor Shani was in prison until recently, while Choka malli is attending Parliament despite being convicted of murder. Then, Rohitha, Mahindananda and Johnston have recently been acquitted and discharged of all charges against them!

Some may say it is wrong to set you free while sending someone like Ranjan to prison for four years for saying something most people now agree with. I am sure Gota maama  would not say ‘no’ if Ranjan too asked him politely for a pardon instead of insulting him at every turn!

You shouldn’t worry about all this, Dumi. Citizens of Paradise have short memories. They will forget about the pardon in the next few weeks. All you need to do is lie low until then. Thereafter you can get back to your profitable business and even appear on television station on a chat show!

Let all those who scream about justice and the rule of law have their say because, you have had your way and that is what matters in the end. Everything that has been done is above board and according to the law, so voters should only blame themselves if they believe those they elected failed them!

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: Now that Basil maama is also in town you can ask him whether you should return to Parliament on the National List. That chap Yapa is so accommodating that he allowed Choka malli to return but prevented Ranjan from coming back so I am sure he can work something out for you too!