5th Column

My dear Gota maamey,

I thought I must write to you when I heard you saying you would be in charge for the next 8 years. In these days when nothing is certain but death, taxes and the increasing number of Covid-19 patients every day, it is good to know that we are certain about who will lead us until 2029.

I was a bit puzzled, though, at the manner in which the news reached us. You didn’t announce this in one of those ‘Gama samaga pilisandara’ (chats with the village) that you have from time to time. Instead, it was your ‘media spokesman’ who let this be known, that too in a message on social media.

I hope your media spokesman got it right this time. Remember, Gota maamey, just after he was recruited from that television station that is very friendly towards you, he said the WHO approved some vaccines just because you gave them a phone call – and they denied that promptly?

You haven’t denied what you are reported to have said, so I think we can assume that it is indeed true. Although it appeared as an off the cuff remark at a meeting with media bosses, I’m sure a lot of thought went into you saying that you had 8 more years, not just 3 to implement your policies.

It is interesting that you didn’t actually say you wanted to run for a second term, though that is what you need to do. That suggests that for you, the results of the next election are a foregone conclusion. Is that what they call a Freudian slip – saying something else, which reveals what you really think?

After hearing what you said last week, Gota maamey, I am sure you are already making preparations to make sure that you will win. That shouldn’t be too difficult with Basil by your side and a divided opposition. Besides, you can always count on some retired Generals to help you out, if you need them.

What you need to be worried about is not so much the opposition but those within your ‘pohottuwa’ party. I am sure there will be the odd ambitious person who must be thinking of succeeding you one day – and he or she will now be disappointed to hear that they will have to wait for another five years.

That is what happened during Mahinda maama’s time. Cheerio Sirisena realised that he will not get even the PM’s job, so he decided to join forces with the Green camp. I am sure all of you would have learnt a lesson from that experience and that is probably why you want to keep it all in the family.

You are accused of nepotism because five ministers in the Cabinet have the same surname. Surely, the ‘R’s are not the first to rely on family. The ‘S’ family started it, keeping the Green leadership in the family circle for 25 years. The ‘B’s kept the Blue party in the same family for 50 years.

When we consider the situation you find yourself in, Gota maamey, we can understand why you have made plans for the next 8 years. I think that is because, even though you have four others with the same surname in the Cabinet, no one can do the job – they all seem to have some sort of a handicap.

Mahinda maama can’t take over from you because he has had the job twice. Chamal maama is on the wrong side of 70 and is not the kind to lead all of you. For all his patriotism, Basil maama won’t forego his American citizenship. Namal baby is still just that – a political baby.

So, even though some people may complain, it makes perfect sense for you to say you will be doing the top job for the next 8 years. Just remember, though, that this was exactly what Mahinda maama thought when he ran for a third time. So, contrary to all expectations, voters can have other ideas.

If you can contain the coronavirus, restore normalcy to our lives, keep us safe and also revive our economy so that most people can live without hardship, you can retain your job for the next 8 years. That though is a lot of hard work, Gota maamey, because the slogan of many now is ‘Sir fail’!

As Mahinda maama will tell you, the best laid plans often go wrong. So, If I were you, I would rather work on the assumption that the deadline is 3 years rather than 8. Also, please remember, Gota maamey, you may be a military man, but politics is too important to be left to the Generals alone!

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: The opposition you are faced with is a bit like the Sri Lankan cricket team, isn’t it, Gota maamey? They have lost so many contests that you have lost count. No one expects them to win now. However, if you let your guard down and take them for granted like India did the other day, you can still lose!