Rice without Chili Paste and Life without Acceptance
View(s):At a certain juncture in my life I realised that life is a battle which needs to be fought alone, without any expectations of help from others. It is indeed a blessing if you receive the support of others but it is utterly dangerous to live expecting others to help you. People are like the weather, there is nothing wrong in it as everybody has to deal with their own issues which they have on their plates. Just imagine for a moment if you are struggling with many issues in life, it would obviously be a burden for you to shoulder your friend’s troubles. In that perspective it is completely alright for others to reject your requests for help.
A few years ago, I was going through a very painful phase in my life, hence I called one of my best friends who promised he would get back to me as he was at an important meeting when I called. However, he failed to get back and I am glad about it, as it enlightened me that each and every battle in life should be solely fought by ourselves, we should not seek help from other human beings. Whilst I was in Australia, a good friend of mine said that he cannot go back to Sri Lanka and the only option that was available for him to obtain Permanent Residency was to marry an Australian girl. At that time I was having an affair with an Australian girl, therefore I made arrangements for him to marry my girlfriend so that he could acquire his PR.
The beauty of the story occurred when I was imprisoned in Australia during the latter part of my stay there. My friend was not even interested in coming to see me or helping me out when I was leaving the country, he acted as though I had not helped him out at all. Of course, I was a bit hurt but I am thankful for all such instances when my friends and loved ones left me, they left me at the moments I needed them the most. Those painful experiences truly moulded me to handle the battles of life by myself without expecting any help from others.
When we were young, a friend of mine won a small-scale marathon that was organised by us. He won it by manipulating. During the marathon he got another friend of ours to give him a ride from Karagampitiya to Quarry Road. Even though this manipulation went unnoticed and he won the marathon, he could not build his capacity to meet the required levels of other reputed marathons. Similarly, there are parents who do the homework for their children and also they provide their children with the answers during the Zoom sessions, not knowing that they are actually destroying the development process of their child.
It is as though you are carrying a child who is trying to walk. If you carry a child who is attempting to walk, they will never learn to walk. Whenever you have to fight a battle by yourself, you ought to fight it alone. If you seek assistance from others you are blunting the capacity of your improvement process.
The reality is that living with expectations will always lead you into hurting yourself, as the probability of them helping you is very less. We need to comprehend this reality, thereby live a non-expectant life by training your mind to reject the thoughts of seeking help from others. It is vital to understand that people not turning up when you need them the most may not be because you are not special to them. It can merely be because they have a plate full to deal with in their own lives.
The day my friend failed to return my call, I never thought that I was rejected nor neglected, I rather thought to myself that he must be going through a lot himself. Rejection and the fear of being rejected are two of the most painful feelings we are so afraid to experience. If you master the ability to reject rejection, it is not merely mastering a life of freedom but also grooming a compassionate mind to live a non-expectant life.
Let us assume that you are actually rejected or neglected and you are not special to anyone. So, what? Just take them out of your mind warehouse. Isn’t it better to throw away the broken electric appliances into the trash than storing them in your home? What is the point of seeking reasons for why someone did not wish you on your birthday, those reasons will never become a wish? If our happiness is based on the acceptance of others, then we have become a slave to others. I do not ask people for reasons when they do not step forward to help me, as seeking explanations can become an additional burden to me on top of the hurting feeling I got from being neglected. Isn’t one burden always lighter than two?
The best strategy to live life is to understand that we have come to this world alone and we will be leaving this world alone, hence we must fight our battles alone while loving others unconditionally. Help as much as possible even to our enemies without expecting a single penny from them. Lifting heavy weights alone strengthens your biceps. Being supported by your trainer minimises the impact your biceps ought to gain. Similarly, fighting your mind battles on your own develops the capacity of your mind muscles in order to help you face greater battles. Battles will always exist; therefore, you must enhance your capacity to fight against them.
If you think that the battle is tough, rest your sword on the ground and take a break to fuel up yourself. We all need to refuel ourselves from time to time as our passions may become inconstant. Dreams and goals tend to leak easily before challenges, so we must refuel them constantly. Myself and my wife have a dream of establishing a drug rehabilitation centre and an orphanage so that we can love all those lost souls. Yet, at times we are struck by challenges in life so much so that they tend to override our dreams. Nevertheless, we make it a point to keep fueling our dreams so that our dreams do not disappear. How many of your dreams have you let go as a result of not receiving the support you expected from your loved ones or because you were rejected when you sought assistance from your friends and loved ones.
My wife and I have been married for nearly fifteen years now, up to date we have not even requested a loaf of bread from our parents. We believe that living with what we have will always assist us to live a life of freedom. There were days we ate sambol and sprats, yet the level of happiness we obtained during those times were ecstatic. Furthermore, I do not carry any credit cards as I believe that I must live based on the money that is mine and not someone else’s money.
The best mode of preparation that you could give your mind is to train it by yourself so that you can gain many learning experiences. From the day that we got married, we started living on our own even though our income was low. The decision we made that day taught us many lessons about life and how to overcome the battles in life. Likewise, we will encourage our children also to live independently from the day they get married so that they can master the skill of swimming in their own lives. If you live expecting acceptance from others, you will die each and every moment that you are rejected.
If you live every moment of your life seeking the acceptance of your conscience, even though other people may reject you, you will live a happy life because you have trained your mind to live on the acceptance of your conscience. Some people are so addicted to chili paste that they cannot eat rice without it. Is your happiness also like chili paste? Do you constantly need the acceptance or assistance of others to be happy? Can’t you be happy for who you are and what you have achieved? I needed a cigarette after every meal thus the cigarette defined the pleasure of my meal, whereas the salt and spices are what must define the taste of the meal. Do not seek happiness from others, instead, train your mind to be happy with yourself.
For comments: e-mail: philipnehri@chandanalepa.lk / voice – 0779 526 496
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