5th Column

My dear Gota maamey,

It was almost a month ago that I last wrote to you, and it has also been almost a month since you left our shores hurriedly, fleeing from President’s House fearing for your life. It feels like much longer though, because so much has happened since then, and that is what I wanted to write to you about.

I don’t know how up-to-date you are with the latest happenings in Paradise, since you must be busy making travel arrangements as you hop from country to country – from the Maldives to Singapore and now to Thailand. I hope you get some respite now, because you can stay there for up to three months.

As you must have heard, the chap you appointed to ‘act’ for you, Uncle Ranil, has now taken on your job for at least the next two and a half years, unless he suffers the same fate as you did. That is very unlikely because he is looking to stay not only until 2024, but even possibly for five years more!

There were, of course, a few hiccups at the start. Many thought that the dark horse Dullas had the race in the bag when he convinced young Sajith to step aside. However, as we all know, Uncle Ranil is a past master of this type of wheeler-dealing and no doubt he was helped quite a bit by your Basil malli.

So, the vibrant democracy that we are, we now have Uncle Ranil installed as the boss by your own ‘pohottuwa’ chaps and his classmate Dinesh as his PM. The grand opposition alliance that was to bring down your government did not materialise because many MPs secretly betrayed their parties.   

We still have the Cabinet you appointed with just one change – Sabry replacing GL in Foreign Affairs after the professor burnt his bridges with Basil by nominating Dullas against Uncle Ranil. GL who is usually good at switching camps to always be on the winning side, got it horribly wrong this time!

It is as if the ‘aragalaya’ never happened. The same party and the same Cabinet is in government.  The pohottuwa chaps are coming out of hiding to make bold statements. Kanchana is still giving us updates on oil shipments. Namal thinks he is still Sports minister, getting medal winners to worship him.

The only differences are that Uncle Ranil is in charge instead of you, and Galle Face is deserted. Uncle Ranil made sure of that after his house was set on fire. He is pursuing and prosecuting the ‘aragalaya’ activists with a vengeance, just like you would pursue a journalist writing about the ‘MiG’ deal.

It is funny that Uncle Ranil should do that. He is punishing those who tried to oust you for abusing state property at President’s House. Yet, pohottuwa MPs who tried to oust him and abused state property in Parliament during that ‘51-day government’ roam free because they voted for him now.

More importantly, those who were involved in the May 9 attacks, such as Johnny who motivated them and the DIG who watched on while that happened, are still out and about. The long arm of the law is still to reach for them. So, even though you are not around, your legacy lives on.

Last week, the Field Marshall, who is playing a game of his own, claimed there will be a ‘final battle’ on August 9. Nothing happened that day. It just confirms our belief that, just like you, Gota maamey, he too may be good at fighting terrorists, but quite inept at dealing with political issues.

Uncle Ranil is now saying the words ‘all party government’ like a mantra. The Blues, the ‘telephone’ chaps and the ‘rathu sahodarayas’ have said ‘no’. Knowing Uncle Ranil’s special skills, although he may not have an ‘all party government’, his government is sure to have people from all parties.

To give him credit where it is due, Uncle Ranil wants the 19th Amendment. This is not the diluted version Deal Dasa prepared for you but the original. It needs a two-third majority to pass through Parliament, but that shouldn’t be a problem when 134 MPs have already voted for him, should it?

Now, knowing Basil maama and his ways, I wouldn’t put it past him if, after the 19th Amendment is passed and many powers are passed on to the PM, he nominates someone of his choice from the ‘pohottuwa’ as PM – maybe even Mahinda maama. Uncle Ranil will have to think twice about that.

Gota maamey, people may like you or loathe you, but I do not think they enjoy seeing our former Head of State pleading for refuge from one country after another. Uncle Ranil has ensured that the ‘R’s are safe and well and the dynasty is intact. So, we hope you can return to Mirihana very soon.

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: Your two final acts before you left our island was to order not to shoot those climbing the gates of the President’s House and to appoint Uncle Ranil to act for you. We are very grateful to you for the first. We hope, for the sake of all those in Paradise, that we can be grateful for the second as well.