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Diana’s sizzling plan to boost island as world’s hottest hub where the party never misses a beat and $$$ flow non-stop

Cash-strapped Lanka is on the threshold of taking a quantum leap into a steamy wonderland by night to lure the fun-seeking jet set to the Paradise Isle where every forbidden fruit tastes sweetest and every known lust thrives.

It’s the paradigm shift from the spiritual to the carnal; and the only relics from the glorious past to survive the new revolution are the topless damsels — found on a rock where a patricide king ruled from atop — now brought down from their lofty abode to adorn the new brand logo of Lanka’s tourism.

For once Lanka is set to shed her pretenses, to shear off her hypocrisy. To strip her nun’s habit and reveal more than her innocent smile in a skimpy yellow polka dot bikini that will make a sage fling his vows in sacrilege. It’s the planned new image to rise from the bonfire of the pretentious past. The thoroughly modern new millennium Ms. Lanka, giving the suggestive leer to make fun-lovers’ pants want to get up and dance.

From sun-worshippers tanning on some sandy beach – go to the Maldives if that’s your thing — to reborn cultists praying at the Hedonist altar. Welcome to the new anything-goes action-packed, thrill-packed, jam-packed Lanka for fun-grovelers to hang out all night long at Bacchus’ bar in a wild celebration of song, dance and non-stop revelry. And anything else that takes their fancy. All legit, of course. It’s more than a ‘koththu’ on the menu.

And the woman behind this revolutionary concept to transform Lanka from a sleepy backwater to a carnival of riotous fun where fleeting joy remains transfixed and never misses a heady beat is the newly crowned State Minister of Tourism, Diana Gamage.

Never mind that she stole the national spotlight when she made her debut in Parliament by the dishonourable act of remorselessly betraying the trust and confidence the Opposition SJB had placed in her when it naively nominated her to fill one of its seven national list seats.

She crossed over to the Government’s side and became the darling of the SLPP when she voted for the draconian 20th Amendment, defending her treachery as one done ‘not because I love the SJB less but because I love my country and Gotabaya more.’    She was indeed an honourable woman, even as Brutus was an honourable man who couldn’t see his beloved Caesar turning traitor to Rome and stabbed him in the back, however unkind the cut.

Never mind the dubious past. Let bygones be bygones. Considering the praise she heaped on the now decried 20th Amendment as one that would empower her hero’s hand and usher the vistas of splendorous prosperity, they are best left unsaid and forgotten. She electrified her MPs and astonished the public when she said in her maiden speech in Parliament to forget tea, rubber and coconut and focus on growing the healing herb that’s the world’s oldest craze.

‘Grow Ganja,’ she said hailing cannabis as the invigorating ‘fix’ the nation needed most, ‘we will earn enough dollars to pay off our loans within two years. We don’t have to go begging for money from the IMF or any other country.’ But the radical free thinker who made ‘Grow Ganja’ her signature tune every time she rose to speak, was soon drowned by 2500 years of so-called cultural inhibitions.

Even for her SLPP members, whose family motto is to show no distaste to grab the fast buck by hook or by crook, this was going too far; and her psychedelic song soon lost its sparkle and was shunned, condemned to be sung unblushed, unheard in the political wilderness.

But in September her star shone. You can’t keep a good gal down for long, now can you? President Ranil Wickremesinghe plucked her from the desert air and, perhaps, sensing her true potential, planted her in the fertile soil of tourism. Here was her natural field to propagate her fast-growing seeds and reap the rich intoxicating bounty of the earth.

As the nation’s State Minister for Tourism, Diana found her soul mate in her Minister, the similarly fun-loving narcissist Harin Fernando. Both were SJB national list MPs. Both turned coat and joined the government. Both ready to experiment, ready to dare the unknown, of course, for their country’s welfare. They were on the same frequency. The perfect fit to set Lanka aright.

TOURISM’S PRINCESS DI: From growing ganja in the fields by day to tripping the light fantastic at night

Harin had already flown in and auditioned an aging starlet in June and had grandiose plans to take the show on India’s congested roads to boost Lanka’s image.  That was the way he knew apart from promoting beer at tourist lodges to lure the thirsty tourist to wind his way to Lanka to have a pint of chilled lager.

But co-star Diana’s vision is more ambitious. More off the beaten track. More novel. More daring. More radical. Not for nothing had she spent some of her 57 years in swinging London, and the exposure to the ‘live and let live’ philosophy stood her in good stead to give her a broader outlook.  Apart from still harping — out of habit, perhaps — on legally growing narcotic hash in Lanka’s fields, her new station in life spurred her spirit to fly to higher planes.

These last three weeks since becoming state minister, she has bared the full Monty in the House and elsewhere on her sizzling plans to transform Lanka to be the envy of the world, as an instant multibillion dollar-spinning economic hub.

Here are some of the suggestions that Diana — the woman with the Midas touch to turn into dollars everything she does clutch — made in Parliament for the nation’s quick economic turn-around:

‘Set up a plant to make electric buses and cars as a joint venture with foreign investors. From this project we will get USD 5 billion within 5 years.’

‘Construction of two hubs for mixed development. Focus on Fort and Maradana Railway Stations. This is a USD5 billion project. This can be brought instantly for investors have discussed this project with me.’

‘Turn Mannar into another Macau as an exclusive tourist zone. We can make it like Las Vegas, like Santosa Island.  An exclusive dollars-only zone. We can build an international airport and helipads where private jets can come.

‘Grow ganja for export. This is a USD 26 billion project.  The global forecast for this is a USD 100 billion market by 2030. We can earn USD 100 billion by that time.  We have the land, the soil, the country. There is no investment in this other than the land and water. Every day I meet investors ready to invest in this. Foreign investors call me many times wanting to invest. I have made this proposal many times. But I am kept in the dark.’

Phew! Dizzying stuff. Mind boggling, isn’t it? Leaves one flabbergasted why on earth she is at the Ministry of Tourism playing second fiddle when she should be at the helm of Finance, conducting the whole orchestra?

But you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs; and outspoken Diana’s grouse is that the few available are used by her adversaries to throw at her. Her latest dollar-spinning plan to turn Colombo’s nightlife into a hedonist’s paradise has attracted more flack than confetti at a wedding.

Last Wednesday in Parliament, she tore into the army of cultural objectors, labelling them as sham hypocrites stuck in time. She blasted those in robes who prevent the nation’s forward march by placing a 2500-year culture as a bulwark to halt progress.

She also spoke some home truths only few dare to speak in public when she stated: ‘The so-called preachers of Buddhism are not aware of its philosophy. They are trapped within a framework that limits the scope for growth. They hide behind a moral façade and talk of morality. But beneath this cover what do they do? They commit unethical acts in secret. This country’s growth has been limited due to this mindset. An attitudinal change within the leaders and the people is directly needed in this country and till this change is made, this country’s growth will be stagnant.’

She didn’t spare her fellows MPs either. It was a scathing onslaught that would have made the Foreign Employment Minister, Manusha Nanayakkara, squirm in shame, if he were present. She said: ‘Sri Lanka still promotes women to go abroad as domestic helpers, and housemaids, only for them to be ill-treated and sexually assaulted in many cases. Parliament should be ashamed of using our women in this manner to earn foreign exchange.’

True, true. Clap, clap. And to those who sought to smear her with rotten yoke, Diana defiantly declared: They try to press me to the ground. But I am like a tennis ball. The more they press, the more I pop back.’

Already her radical plans seem to be taking shape. The Sunday Times reported last week that the Health Ministry is to set up a 10,000-acre ganja plantation in the Ratnapura District. Already at the airport, tourists coming out of the arrivals terminal are greeted by girls inviting them to roll the dice at Colombo’s 24/7 casinos.  Talk abound of chartered planeloads of Indians being brought by casino bosses to their unlicensed gambling dens to play the Black Jack tables or the roulette wheel. That’s just for starters.

True to Diana’s intention to make Colombo, not another elusive Singapore beyond our reach – as optimists had for long hoped to make – but another more realistic, more reachable Bangkok ‘where everything is happening the most’, a Bacchanalian feast of food and drink was opened by her last Saturday night at the Dutch Hospital, yards next to the high security zone surrounding the Presidential Secretariat.

And despite what the Central Bank Governor says that more hardships are on the way, Diana’s starry message is: The night is still young. This is just a taster. More pleasures are on their way.

Yet, for all the enlightened, liberated babble of the open-minded, Diana flashed a streak of prudism when the narrative came to the taboo topic of sex. Following the storm that burst after her parliamentary speech last week, she said, ‘I did not refer to prostitution. Nightlife is beyond sex.’

If it’s a gluttonous feast of song, dance and wine alone, she is planning to hold to attract fun-lovers in droves, think again, Diana, before turning the island into a fool’s paradise for foreigners? Will Macau — the Chinese sin city she plans to turn Mannar into — still lure tourists with its drinks, drugs and gambling dens without sex to make the orgy replete?

If it’s to be ‘No sex, please, we are Sri Lankans,’ think again Diana, think again.

When you plan to lower the nation’s moral tone, there is no halfway range. Or else Diana’s swinging party will be akin to a celibates’ convention held in a priestly conclave.

And why not prostitutes in the vice garden of decadent Lanka? Call them by any fancy name you will — courtesans, concubines, escorts, whores, hookers, call girls, tarts — they have existed in the world throughout the ages and will, probably, exist till the end of time. They do not come alive at night alone but shine and glitter in gaudy day’s light as well. They cannot be legislated against. Their transactions come under the unofficial Private Secrets Act covered by mutual consent. Their number is 666, licensed to thrill.

Women’s groups have long urged that the industry be regulated. Both for reasons of hygiene and to prevent organized sex syndicates ‘living off their immoral earnings’, a criminal offence. It is vital that the trade be regulated if it is going to explode on the night scene. It may even turn out to be a lucrative tax source, the Kama Sutra formula to reduce domestic debt.

Some do it for thrills and baubles, some for pleasure and cash, and some, solely for money. But it’s stark poverty that drives many women to sell body and soul to keep the wolf from their door.

In the grip of hapless destitution, with moral inhibitions driven to take fast flight, they take the low road of shame to survive. Their wretched fate’s no different to Lanka’s present beggary that has driven her to the verge of selling her body and soul to strangers in the night for a few dollars more.