30th April 2000

Who was the mathematician?

I thought of writing to you now because everybody is talking about your plight these days and what will happen in the future, especially after what happened at Elephant Pass.

I know you must also be a little confused because you really do not know who is leading you. Your Commander-in-Chief was not in the country when the trouble started and her relative, the General was nowhere to be seen whereas on other days we see him on TV inspecting the battlefront with his commanders.

Then, they announced that the one who leads the House was 'supervising' and all this must be pretty confusing for you!. You are not alone, my dear soldier. We are confused even more. We like to believe that the government is telling us the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and I'm sure they are doing just that but then they say they have to censor the truth or it will not be the truth!

Of course, the Tigers are spreading their own propaganda and in the absence of uncensored information from the military we find that more and more people are believing what the Tigers say rather than the 'censored' version.

For instance, the government tells us that seventy-nine soldiers have died. They say that claims by the Tigers that more have been killed are absolutely false. The next day a hundred and twenty six bodies are handed over to the military. My mathematics is not good but something tells me that either forty-seven more soldiers have actually died, or else the government has been tricked into accepting the bodies of forty-seven Tigers!

Tell me soldier, in your training what do they tell you to do when they ask you to 'readjust the forward defence lines'. Is that just a term for abandoning your position and running away or is that real military strategy?

Whatever it is, we were pretty impressed when the military spokesman talked about that. For a moment we thought we had won the war!

Anyway soldier, don't despair. Your battles are not in vain. You have provided an opportunity for so many ministers to appear on TV when they are visiting soldiers in hospital. You have given the Opposition Leader a chance to look a hero by calling for the resignation of the government and presenting a no-confidence motion against it. You have given a boost to a new political party that is just being formed to spread its message of nationalism.

You have also provided various assorted organizations an opportunity to stage protests on the streets calling for the elimination of the Tigers. So, you have achieved a lot within a few days of strategically 'readjusting the forward defence lines!'.

And your efforts have not gone unnoticed, my dear soldier. Our patriotic Cabinet has just decided that they will donate one month's salary to the National Defence Fund which supports you. Poor chaps, these ministers, don't you think?. Only last month they voted themselves a fat pay hike with two years of arrears and now they can't enjoy it because they have patriotically decided to donate their May salaries to the Defence Fund!.

I am really worried as to whether they can survive the month of May without their pay checks, as these are honourable people who must be having no savings as such because they are never in the habit of taking bribes and commissions!.

And what a good idea it was to increase the number of ministers- now, more ministers are donating their salaries for your welfare!

So, my dear soldier, you must take heart.

I wonder whether you can remember what Captain Cool used to say after every match during the last days of his captaincy. "Our boys played pretty well though we lost the match but we will win the next game," he used to say.

But of course soldier, this is not cricket because this is a game of life and death where you can only win or lose- there is no drawn game. Our thoughts are with you but we can only hope that those in responsible positions treat the war as something more serious than a cricket match!

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha.

PS- I wonder whether we can 'strategically re-adjust' the government, the Cabinet of ministers and even the Opposition. That way, half the war would be won, many people feel!

The Jungle Telegraph

Editorial/ Opinion Contents